As I’ve said many times, the one thing about being a bi guy is that you get to learn a lot about what men can put women through and, as such, get many answers to questions about why they behave they do when it comes to sex. You also get to learn a lot about men and how they can behave when it’s time to get down… and some of it ain’t pretty.
I was thinking about the time I went to my favorite bar, which had now been taken over by the city’s growing gay community. I didn’t continue to go there for the ambiance – I kept going because the drinks were inexpensive but good and they had some very decent food and, yeah, I had to endure guys hitting on me and probably because since this was now a “gay” bar, if you were in there, well, you must be gay and, by some default, fair game. And, if I kept coming back to this place hoping to get lucky, that’s one thing… but that’s not why I hung out there. Anyway, I’m sitting there chowing down on some linguine with white clam sauce and knocking back double shots of ginger brandy (with a ginger ale chaser), when this guy sat down at the bar, ordered some frilly drink, and then turned to me and said, “Mmm… I’d love to take you home, beat your ass good, and make you suck my cock!”
At first, I didn’t realize he was talking to me until he asked, “Hey! Do you hear me talking to you?”
I looked at him and gave him a really slow blink and my best deadpan look before saying, “Leave me alone.”
I dunno… maybe this fool thought I was playing hard to get or something because my response seemed to encourage him because he started talking all kinds of shit about how he just loved to put Black trade in their place by beating them down and humiliating them and other such nonsense and that he had plans on doing all of that to me… like he thought I didn’t have a say or choice in the matter and I was just going to cower before him and then submit to such bullshit.
I crooked a finger at him, noting the very smug look on his face and a look that said that he was damned sure he was going to make a conquest. He leaned in closer and I said, “If you even look like you’re gonna put a hand on me, I will kill you, okay? Now… fuck off and get out of my face.”
He took a step back and said, “You uppity nigger!” and raised his fist to hit me… and got his ass kicked. I wound up paying for the two bar stools I broke while fucking him up and got banned from the bar for a couple of weeks and while I was on my way home – and still very angry and hyped up on adrenaline – it gave me reason to wonder why men who wanna have sex with other men feel they have to behave like that and why they’d think a guy would want to be treated like that in the first place. After that happened, I started to see a pattern emerging, coming across quite a few guys – bi and gay – who felt that the only way they could get off or, I guess, extol their masculinity was to totally dominate and humiliate another man, giving me the impression that they were into using sex as a weapon… or had some really fucked up ideas on what constituted good sex.
I’d run into guys who wanted to hand out rough sex, guys who thought it would be fun to tie me up or otherwise subdue me so that they could have their way with me and without any resistance on my part, guys whose idea of kicking game consisted of them telling me how they were going to make me their bitch and other shit that if they tried it, well, somebody’s gonna get hurt… and I wasn’t going to be the only one. I was like, “What’s wrong with these motherfuckers?” and, of course, their attempts to “seduce” me got rebuffed – and it was funny that they thought my refusal was a loss on my part and I thought that passing on an “opportunity” that might get someone killed was an acceptable loss as far as I was concerned.
I met guys who were disappointed that I’d refuse to do things to them that I felt were just wrong, like the guy who wanted me to do some BDSM shit to him and making me ask, “You’re kidding, right?” Nah, he really wasn’t and I guess it was what you might call morbid fascination that had me sitting there and listening to some of the things he found pleasurable and things that he had to have done to him in order for him to bust a nut. He was quite proud to show me some of the bruises he had acquired the night before, big, ugly yellow-green things that made me want to puke; when I asked him how he got those bruises, his face lit up like the proverbial Christmas tree as he proudly told me that the guy he had sex with last night gave him a very thorough beat-down before fucking him into a bloody mess.
No, I don’t think so…
One guy told me that he loved to be humiliated and made to feel less manly… and when I asked him why, he first looked at me as if I should have known the answer to the question but said, “Isn’t that the way it’s supposed to be when a man takes you?”
Different strokes for different folks but my idea of fun in bed with a guy isn’t kicking his ass, hog-tying him, or any other shit like that. Hah, I told a dude that once and he said, “Man, you’d make a lousy top!” – and then launched into a dissertation about how it was a top’s duty to make a bottom his bitch – and by any means necessary. I asked him, “If you wanna make a guy feel like a woman, um, why not get some woman to agree to that shit? I’m sure there are women who just love that kind of thing!”
He said, “Nah, it’s more fun doing a dude like that…”
Is it really? Now, okay, sure – I’ve gotten with guys who have asked me to do things to them that I consider to be humiliating and, yes, they’ve been unhappy when I’ve refused to do those things, like choking them or otherwise being overly aggressive with them. Yes, I know sex isn’t always a “gentle” game and even I enjoyed having my ass pounded pretty good… but not in a way that would make me want to break the other guy’s bones for being too rough. I mentioned that to a guy once and he said, “A good bottom knows his place and would never do that! He’s supposed to take whatever gets dished out!”
Really? Try that shit with me and find out what’ll happen…
Like guys who want to cum on my face, something I tend to equate with spitting in my face. This one guy truly believed that purposefully getting a face full of cum was a right and proper thing to do to another man and when I asked him why, he gave me a funny look and said, “Because that’s just how it goes!” I rolled my eyes at his comment and he asked me if I ever wanted to shoot all over a guy’s face and I said, “No – I think that’s humiliating.”
But he said something that I had to admit was true: Some guys wanted and expected to be humiliated and humbled in bed. What I know is that I’m not one of them so if my willingness to hand out a lot of punishment – or ability to take it – is a measuring stick for men who have sex with other men, nope, I’m not ever gonna make the grade. In more modern times, I’ve conversed with guys who firmly believe that if you can’t take a sexual beat-down, well, your manhood’s gonna be called into question and maybe because of the perception that if you are a manly man, you not only can dish it out, but you can take it, too – and you’re supposed to be like this. This one guy who hit me up on “that site” told me that he was gonna make me suck his “big dick” (mine was bigger, by the way) and then he was gonna use and abuse me like the good little bitch I was supposed to be.
I typed back, “That’ll get you hurt.” Would you believe that he called me a faggot before he vanished? Over the years, dealing or coming across guys like this has made me do a lot of thinking about the supposed give and take of sex and, although it might seem obvious, how different it is having sex with some guys as opposed to how sex flows and happens with women – and this is a unique perspective that only bisexual men can see (and if they’re having sex with men as well as women). Okay, so, there’s this mindset that you treat women like queens… but fuck them like they’re whores… but there are some guys out there whose motto seems to be to treat a man like a bitch… and fuck them like they’re no longer human. Kinda makes me wonder how a guy can be manly and a bitch at the same time…
Personally, I’m not opposed to energetic sex because, yeah, sex is like the ultimate “contact sport.” Hell, just having sex with women, I’ve pulled muscles, have gotten bruised, scratched, bitten, almost suffocated, almost unintentionally choked out, drowned, sprained a few things that don’t like being stressed like that, and have come away from a sexual encounter with more aches and pains than I’d care to think about – and then said I had a damned good time. But some of the shit guys want to do – or want done – is just out there and, yes, I know this is one of my sexual quirks. I know it’s me that when I’m getting down with a dude, I’m not thinking or wanting to humiliate or be humiliated; I’m not thinking about causing him any physical or emotional damage or being damaged in that way – I just want to get him off and want him to get me off and without either of us having to consider a trip to the doctor or the ER.
I wondered if this behavior is something that’s just ingrained in us as men or if there are guys who have adopted this behavior by, say, watching the gay porn that’s out there and deciding that it would be a good thing to be the one dishing it out… or the one taking it. I was watching a clip on Tumblr the other day and saw this dude, who was “dressed” like a “thug,” just brutalizing the shit out of this other guy, slapping him around hard enough to make his nose bleed, forcing his rather large dick into the other guy’s throat until the poor dude was gagging and was having a hard time breathing – then getting his ass slammed so hard that a close-up shot revealed traces of blood due to rectal tearing (which can be lethal, by the way); the guy was getting choked while getting hammered, slapped around, put in arm locks, a full nelson, and other physically punishing things – and culminating with getting an impressive amount of cum shot all in his eyes and up his nose (none of it made it to the guy’s wide-open mouth) when the aggressor pulled off the condom…
And the guy on the receiving end was smiling like he stole something even though he looked as if he had just gotten his ass kicked. For me, it was like the proverbial car wreck that you don’t want to really see… but you can’t stop looking at. The clip ended and I said to myself, “Oh, no, fuck that shit! I’d kill that motherfucker without thinking about it…”
When it comes to this shit, no, I don’t think so…