When I read stuff written by other people about the downside to being bisexual, I don’t as much discount those things as I wonder how widespread things like depression, suicide, a tendency toward domestic violence, and other things mentioned are; I wonder, “Damn, what bisexuals have they been talking to?” It makes me think about the impact that bisexuality has had on my life and, honestly, compared to the stuff I’ve seen written, I’ve had little or no negative impact by comparison.
That’s not to say I’ve not had my “bad” moments, mostly around exercising poor judgement when agreeing to sex, allowing myself to get tricked into getting raped, and I’ve lost a few friends (and girlfriends) along the line. I’ve gotten into a few fights, some when someone wanted to label me as a faggot – something I take great umbrage to, some because a heated discussion on the matter got out of hand, and some during sex when the other guy wanted to do something to me I didn’t want done. When I’ve talked to other bi guys and have heard their stories about their experiences, yeah, I really consider myself fortunate to have not run into the things some of them did.
Like, I know some guys turned to the bi side due to low self-esteem; you get your head handed to you enough times by girls who’d laugh in your face when trying to engage with them, yeah, that’s not gonna help your self-esteem very much and turning to other guys for love and affection makes sense. I know guys who have turned because they can’t get enough sex or are hooked up with a woman who has a really long list of things she ain’t gonna do, like, from refusing to suck cock to refusing to get him off like that. I know guys who have suffered bouts of depression because they just weren’t able to get their sexuality settled in their head; I can’t say that I know anyone who committed suicide because they were bisexual but I know a few guys who got busted for domestic violence because their woman found out that they were getting dick on the DL and a humongous argument ensued that eventually came to blows. In this, I can’t say that I know whether or not those guys were predisposed to be violent toward women but I’ve gotten into enough arguments about this with women and will admit that the verbal abuse I got hammered with would sometimes have me thinking that I need to punch her in the face – but I never did.
I know guys who’ve done the deed with other men and got something other than sexual satisfaction from the other guy; while I can’t say that I know a bi guy who got HIV/AIDS, I knew some guys who got the clap – and some more than once when being sexually engaged with a dude. Now, those guys were funny in a way because when the word got out that they got burned, they always blamed it on some woman they were with and while it was true that there were some women running around burning guys on purpose, well, we knew who they were and knew that no one would touch them even strapped up with a condom (or two) so, yeah, okay, fella, it’s not that hard to figure out that you got burned by some dude…
When other people write about the risks and hazards that bisexuality brings to the table, hmm, how is that any different from the risks and hazards of being straight or gay? Why is it perceived that bisexuals are a prime vector for the above-mentioned things when I look at the guys throughout my immediate environment and can see that a lot of them had a lot of the negative impacts I mentioned… and they weren’t bisexual: They were straight or gay. They say bisexuals have a greater tendency to abuse drugs and alcohol and I say, okay, that could be true… but a lot of people abuse drugs and alcohol and for reasons that have nothing to do with their sexuality. I started to see a pattern emerge from the bad shit being put out there to support biphobia: It was a lot of the same shit I heard being directed toward homosexuals when I was growing up, not only in my immediate environment but in other locales as well. Indeed, when HIV/AIDS came around, the prime vectors were intravenous drug users and male homosexuals; in those early days back in the 1980s, this information spawned a lot of jokes like wondering what gay dude shot up and had sex with a monkey and got this AIDS shit? Yeah, we learned that it really wasn’t funny when a lot of gay folks started dying… but we also heard of many instances where someone contracted HIV and they weren’t intravenous drug users or homosexuals; things like tainted blood supplies, unsanitary medical conditions, etc., were responsible as well as any form of unprotected sex and exchange of body fluids and that, importantly, everyone was at risk.
I know people who were happily bisexual until they came out or got outed and most of them had their lives start circling the drain as friends and family started to abandon them not for being bisexual but for being gay; it struck me as being odd that no one seemed to pay much attention to the fact that the guy they’re accusing of being homosexual had been getting his share of pussy. Yep, such things can lead to depression and all that… but these things can affect people who are straight and gay as well because, let’s face it, bisexuals ain’t the only people who can manage to get their whole lives fucked up in an instant and not to mention in more ways than Campbell’s got beans (as the old saying goes). I know guys who came out as gay… and were pretty much said to be dead to his friends and family; I know straight guys who’ve gotten caught cheating and wound up hitting rock bottom for their efforts and because their friends and families bailed on them thanks to their immoral behavior. I’ve seen straight and gay men hit the drugs and booze hard to “help” them deal with the depression induced by the severe emotional pain inflicted by such losses so, no, all of these negative impacts isn’t the sole purview of bisexuals.
I had forgotten that I started writing this! Okay, so, to continue, is it easy to be bisexual? No, there’s nothing easy about it and I’m not really starting a pity party for bisexuals to attend… but there is a lot of shit being said about bisexuals that isn’t what I’d call good and I’m asking questions and ones to which there seem to be no easy answers to. A lot of people are going out of their way to increase bisexuality’s impact on a person more than there are people working hard to lessen as many of the impacts as possible and while I feel that, at some point in the future, the social ruckus being raised against bisexuals will eventually fade away – just like it’s been doing toward homosexuals and in the very early stages of fading for transgender – the personal impact for bisexuals will remain.
No matter what other people think of bisexuals, we still have to deal with ourselves which I’d say is the greatest impact. Sure, we have to be concerned with acceptance by those who are connected to us but there are so many bisexuals who know that they’re bisexual but they’re having such a difficult time with accepting this for themselves. So much is being said about coming out to others but I’ve said that until you are able to come out to yourself, coming out to other people isn’t all that important yet. I’d agree the the psychological impact is damned daunting when we’re trying to figure out why we’re not like everyone else we might know and why we feel this… need to not play by the rules that have been hammered into us since we’ve been able to understand such things. If a budding bisexual cannot accept this about themselves – and whether they’ve had the sex or not – then they cannot begin to manage themselves in this.
I’ve seen “confused” bisexuals just get out there and do the do and not have a “plan” in place… and the emotional impact on them is often very damaging when they get in some kind of trouble with the sex or find themselves constantly rejected at every turn and, yes, even by those who you’d think would be either understanding and/or willing to, ah, participate with them. I’ve seen them work themselves into severe bouts of depression trying to figure out “what’s wrong” with them or have heard them fervently wishing that they were “normal” like everyone else or otherwise get all fucked up in the head because (a) they haven’t really accepted being bisexual and (b) they weren’t able to put together a plan to manage what they’re feeling and thinking.
And, damned right: This is a lot easier said than done for most people. Y’all know how long I’ve been bisexual and it was a very hard thing for me to do; it took me a great many years to get all of this squared away in my head and I had a few bad moments just when it came to dealing with myself because there’s nothing worse than asking questions and the answers just aren’t there or they aren’t making much sense… but I had to find a way to get my shit together because making myself crazy just wasn’t an option. I can’t honestly say that any of this depressed me that I know of; certainly, it frustrated me at every turn, from trying to find the answers to my questions to dealing with my sexual urges where cock was concerned – I was very much determined not to have a repeat of my insane cock whore days but, yeah, not being able to get what I wanted proved to be an impact as well.
Is there a way to lessen the impact of being bisexual? I’m not sure if there’s a surefire or foolproof way to do it. You can read and study the wealth of information available, you can seek out other bisexuals and talk to them to find out how they’ve dealt with being bisexual… but you still have to figure out how all of what you might have learned and maybe even experience applies to you and how you want to live your life and in the face of the current rash of sexuality-related prejudice that’s going on. It’s “bad” enough for some to realize that they’re bisexual and now they’re finding out that it’s “worse” because there are a lot of people selling woof cookies about bisexuality not being real and that bisexuals don’t really exist as a sexuality entity. As such, it’s no wonder why a lot of bisexuals feel that they’re all alone in this and that the likelihood of someone being on their side isn’t a realistic expectation.
I can’t honestly say that the social impacts are more real than they are imagined; what I do know is that when it comes to being bisexual, we can be our own worst enemy and increase the impacts on ourselves and in worse ways that society could ever do…