This is a conversation I had with a potential girlfriend back in the day…
Her: You can’t be bisexual!
Me: Why can’t I?
Her: Because it’s wrong, that’s why!
Me: According to who?
Her: That’s what everyone says!
Me: That’s not answering the question…
Her: I just think it’s wrong, that’s all – you should think it’s wrong, too.
Me: Well, I don’t.
Her: You should.
Me: Why should I?
Her: Because you should! Damn! You don’t think it’s wrong for a dude to be fucking another dude?
Me: If I did, I wouldn’t like doing it, would I?
Her: Why you asking me?
Me: You seem to be determined to tell me how I should think.
Her: Smart ass! So are you a faggot?
Me: You didn’t think so the other day, did you?
Her: Huh? What you mean by that?
Me: Exactly what I said! Do you know any “faggots” that like pussy?
Her: (Says nothing)
Me: Yeah, I didn’t think so…
Her: I can’t deal with this shit…
Me: Hey, you started this shit!
Her: I did not!
Me (exasperated): Didn’t you just ask me if it was true that I went both ways?
Her: Yeah, but…
Me: “But” my left nut! Shit, I don’t know why women ask questions and demand the truth then get pissed off when you give them what they want…
Her: Well, I don’t like it that you do that.
Me: You do it so, what, am I supposed to not like you?
Her: Huh? What you talking about?
Me: You like pussy, just like I do – that’s what I’m talking about.
Her: What? Who told you that shit?!
Me: Just the girl you’ve been having sex with for the last year, that’s who.
Her: That bitch is lying!
Me: Hmm, that’s interesting…
Me: Since I didn’t tell you her name, you obviously know who I’m talking about and if you’re denying it, guess who I’m gonna believe?
Her: I don’t why she would lie on me like that! Why would she tell you some shit like that?
Me: She said I needed to know something about you before we get any more serious about things.
Her: Well, you can’t prove any of it!
Me: Then tell me why you smelled like pussy the other day and, no, it wasn’t your pussy – I know what yours smells like.
Me: Yeah, that’s what I thought; you thought that if you washed up, the smell would go away, didn’t you? Bet you didn’t know that it takes a couple of days for it to go away and that you can’t smell it because your nose edits it out after a few minutes, did you?
Her: You lying!
Me: Nah, I just know some shit that you obviously don’t, that’s all. She told me that you’d deny it so she gave me this to give to you…
I handed her a Polaroid picture that clearly showed her face buried in the other girl’s coochie.
Me: Nice picture – a little out of focus but, yep, that’s you.
Her: That whore! She said she wasn’t gonna show this to anybody!
Me: She said you’d say that and told me to tell you that until she found out that me and you were fucking, she was gonna keep it to herself. Did you know that she doesn’t like the fact that you like dick?
Her: That bitch!
Me: So, um, since you like doing what I like doing, how the fuck are you gonna tell me that I can’t be bisexual when I got proof that you are, too? Huh?
Her: It’s wrong for you to be that way.
Me: But it’s not wrong for you? Jesus, I don’t believe you just said that – again!
Her (huffy): You can’t tell me what to think!
Me: But you think you can tell me what to think?
Me: There’s something wrong with you…
Her: Fuck you!
Me: Is that an offer?
Her: Um… only if you promise not to be doing it with dudes.
Me: You gonna promise not to be doing it with babes?
Her: No! Why should I?
Me: Am I the only one here who notices how fucked up this conversation is? So… you’re telling me that it’s okay for you to like dick and pussy… but it’s not okay for me to like the same things?
Silence takes place for the next couple of minutes…
Her: You’re mad with me, huh?
Me: Damned right I am!
Her: Do you let dudes cum in your mouth?
Me: Of course – and I know you do, too, so what’s the point of asking?
Her: That’s nasty!
Me: Oh, here we go again! If I suck a dude off, it’s nasty… but if you do it, it ain’t nasty?
Me: Oh, fuck me…
Her: Maybe later, okay?