I “hooked up” with a guy who was looking to have his first sex with a man. We did a lot of talking about what he wanted to experience – some cock sucking which he said he felt was a good first step and I agreed with his thoughts on this – they just made sense not to go for the whole nine yards for the first time. But this is what took place once we both got naked…
Him: I’m scared.
Me: What’s scaring you?
Him: I’m not sure.
Me: It’s okay if you don’t want to do this.
Him: Oh, I sure as hell want to do it… but I’m afraid.
Me: Of what in particular?
Him: I don’t know.
Me: Talk to me…
Him: It’s a whole bunch of shit; I’m afraid I won’t know what to do and I’m afraid you’re not gonna like it. I think I’m afraid that I’m gonna like it, if that makes sense.
Me: It does make sense, believe it or not.
Him: I’m afraid of what other people are gonna think, too.
Me: If you don’t tell them that you’ve done this, uh, how would they know? I wouldn’t tell them – I couldn’t since I don’t know who you know, right?
Him: Yeah – I know that…
Him: You must be pissed with me, huh?
Me: No, I’m not; I understand that it’s hard to do it for the first time.
Him: This isn’t the first time I’ve chickened out.
Him: God, I want to suck your cock so bad!
Me: Then let go of your fears and just let it happen.
Him: What if you don’t like it?
Me: I doubt that’ll happen.
Me: Simply, I love having my dick sucked so how can that be bad?
Him: You know, that makes sense.
Me: I think so, too.
Him: But I don’t know how to do it!
Me: Okay, but you’ve been sucked before by women haven’t you?
Him: Yes, but…
Me: There is no ‘but’ – all you have to do is do it the way you like having it done and if you’re doing something “wrong,” I’ll let you know.
Him: Is it that easy?
Me: It can be… if you can let go of your fears. Listen, I’m not gonna hold it against you if you can’t so don’t let that bother you, okay?
Him: The other guys did…
Me: I’m not one of those other guys.
Him: How did you get over your fear of doing it the first time?
Me: I didn’t have any fear; I was nine the first time I had a dick in my mouth so I didn’t know I was supposed to be afraid, I guess – that and I had some… incentive to let the guy stick his dick in my mouth and that probably overrode any fear I might have had.
Him: Wow… you were nine?
Him: And you weren’t scared?
Me: Not that I was aware of, no…
A few minutes of silence goes by while he does some serious thinking. I want to do this with and for him but I don’t want him to get all fucked up in the head about any of it. Yeah, call me weird but I do care about such things…
Him: You’re awfully calm about me acting like this.
Me: Why wouldn’t I be? Look, I don’t want you to do anything that you feel you can’t do. If you can’t do it, you can’t do it so there’s no point in me getting bent out of shape about it.
Him: Ha, you’re better than I am about it.
Me: Um, yeah, but I’ve been doing it a lot longer than you’ve been thinking about doing it, right?
Me: So what else is troubling you?
Him: Oh, just everything! This is some scary shit!
Me: Yeah, I know – a lot of guys doing it for the first time have told me this.
Him: I need to do this… I’ve been wanting to do this for a long time now.
Me: I understand – I really do.
Him: So… how do we start?
Me: Are you still afraid?
Him: Yes… but the only way to conquer your fears is to face them, right?
Him: I don’t know how to do this…
Me: That’s okay – I know…
I got him to lie back on the bed and I started by fondling his dick until he got very hard. I didn’t rush doing it and spoke quietly to him to get him to relax. I’d guess that after a couple of minutes of slowly jerking his dick, he said, “Please… suck me…” and I went down on him, starting slowly but revving things up based on how he was reacting. Thing were going well; he wasn’t freaking out, was really into being sucked – then he started pawing at me to get me to change positions so he could get at my dick.
He jerked me for a few moments then tentatively licked the head of my dick… then just as tentatively started sucking me… and then it was on. His inexperience just trashed any control I normally had and I never saw this as a bad thing. He had already shot his load into my mouth but kept sucking me; I warned him that I was about to cum so he could stop… but he didn’t stop and I came…
Him: Wow, that was… really something! Was it okay for you?
Me: Yes, it was and, yes, it was great for me! How about you? Are you okay?
Him: Shit yeah – I’m more than okay! I don’t know what I was afraid of all this time!
Me: Yeah, that’s what a lot of guys say sometimes. You’ve got all these worries running around in your head and you eventually say, “Fuck it!” and just go for it… then you realize that you were scared about nothing.
Him: Yeah! Did I do it right?
Me: You most certainly did! I know that the first time a guy sucks dick, they don’t usually let the other guy cum in his mouth, let alone swallow it.
Him: I’ve always wanted to do that and that’s why I didn’t stop when you told me you were gonna cum – but I appreciate the fact that you did warn me so thanks for that.
Me: You’re welcome and, trust me, it really was my pleasure! You get big-time props from me for doing that.
Him: Would you have gotten mad if I hadn’t?
Me: Hell, no! I’ve learned to appreciate whatever a guy does so if he sucks me but doesn’t want me to cum in his mouth, I’m okay with that – at least he sucked me.
Him: You have a cool way of looking at this.
Me: It works for me and keeps me from being pissed off about anything.
Him: Damn… I feel so much better now that I’ve finally done this! Thank you!
Me: What are you thanking me for?
Him: For being so patient and understanding with me and, um, wow, you can really suck dick good…
Me: Well, in that case, you’re more than welcome.
Him: Man, when you sucked my dick all the way down, I just knew I had to suck your dick! You did that so easy, too!
Me: It’s not as easy as it looks – you have to learn how to control your gag reflex and, um, I’ve had a lot of practice doing that.
Him: That’s next on my list of things to do, well, that and, um, letting a guy fuck me – I think that would feel good.
Him: What? You sound like it might not feel good.
Me: Well… um, the first time, um, er, it might take some doing to get a dick in your ass and, honestly, that sometimes doesn’t feel good even when you’re used to it.
Him: Does it get better once it gets in you?
Me: Most of the time, yeah…
Him: Why wouldn’t it?
Me: Depends on the size of the dick and the guy attached to it; some dudes can be very rough when they fuck you.
Him: Would you fuck me?
Me: If you wanted me to, yeah, I could do that.
Him: Would you do it if I wanted to do it now?
Me: That depends on whether or not you really want to experience that now.
Him: Why would that matter?
Me: It just does; I’ve seen a lot of guys go for all of it their first time and they’ve regretted taking it to that next level before they were really ready to to that.
Him: You don’t think I’m ready, do you?
Me: Honestly? No, I don’t; I think you should take a moment to process what you’ve just got finished doing.
Him: Isn’t that what I’m doing now?
Me: Nah, not really; this won’t really hit you until later.
Him: You might be right… but what if I really do want you to fuck me now?
Me (sighing): If you really think you can handle it, then, okay.
Him: You don’t sound convinced that I’m ready and willing to do this…
Me: No, I’m not but there’s really only one way to find out, huh?
Him: Yes… so, please, let me get you hard so you can fuck me…
We sucked on each other until we were both hard again and I took that moment to start introducing fingers into his ass, talking to him about relaxing and all that until I could almost get three fingers into him. He actually went and got a jar of Vaseline and I lubed us both up… and began the slow process of putting my dick in his ass.
Him: Oh, God, that fucking hurts!
Me: Told you it would… do you want me to take it out?
Him: No, no… just give me a moment to catch my breath.
Me (wondering how long I can keep from creaming his very tight ass right now): Okay…
Him (seconds later): Okay… just go ahead and shove it the rest of the way in before I change my mind.
I did as he asked because, yeah, just doing that feels ‘better’ than going slowly and, well, I fucked him until I couldn’t hold it any longer…
Him: Oh, my God, that feels good and weird! I can feel your nut shooting in me!
Me (after I could remember I could talk): Yeah, that’s a weirdly good feeling on top of the feeling of having a hard dick in your ass.
Him: Am I gonna have a hard time sitting down later?
Me: You might – I usually do.
Him: This just feels so weird; you’re getting soft but it kinda feels like you’re still hard.
Me: Uh-huh, that’s pretty much the way I usually feel – you just feel… full.
Him: Yeah! That’s the word I was looking for!
Me: Okay, I’m gonna pull out now…
I pull out and we both hit the bathroom to clean up and return to the bed.
Me: So what else is on your list?
Him: Like what?
Me: Do you want to fuck me so you know what that’s like?
Him: No, that’s not on my list, to be honest.
Him: Are you disappointed?
Me: Yes and no… but, again, I can’t make you do something you don’t want to do – I’m okay with that. I just think it’s fair that if I fuck you, I should be willing to let you fuck me, that’s all.
Him: Oh, okay! The only thing I really want to do is suck your dick again, if that’s okay with you?
Me (laughing): Yeah, if I can get it up again – I might not be able to.
Him: No harm in trying, right?
Me: None at all!
As it turned out, we both could get it up again… but it took a while… but there is something rather nice about sucking a dick that’s still soft, something I knew and something he learned.
Him: You know what I hate?
Me: What’s that?
Him: That you can’t just keep busting a nut like you do the first time; it always seems like you can’t shoot a whole lot of sperm – but it still feels good.
Me: Yeah, I know what you mean! You do the first one, maybe even a ‘decent’ second one, but a third one is really wimpy but I guess it’s because it does take some time for it to get built up again.
Him: You’re probably right… but it doesn’t matter. I am so glad I decided to do this with you.
Me: I’m glad you did, too.
Him: Are you upset with me because I wanted you to fuck me?
Me: No, not one bit because you’re the one who had to decide you were ready for it now. I just hope you’ve had a good first experience.
Him: Oh, I really did! Let me ask you something…
Me: What’s that?
Him: Do you think it would have been this nice if I hadn’t chickened out all those times before?
Me: I don’t know; since it didn’t happen, it’s hard to say how it would have turned out for you.
Him: I guess that makes sense. I know you have to go – and I wish you didn’t have to – but I want you to know that I appreciate that you were patient and understanding and you just didn’t leave me hanging.
Me: I’d never do that but you’re welcome.
Him: We really have to do this again sometime!
And we did, too! We got together three more times and, admittedly, I was rather “proud” of him because he went and had some experiences with other men after our first time together. I remember asking him if he was afraid to do it with the next guy after me and he told me that while he was afraid that the guy was gonna turn him down, he wasn’t afraid to do what he wanted to do.
Sometimes, we let our fears get in the way of what we want to do. It’s not that one’s fears in this aren’t justified when it’s something they’ve never done before but it’s having that desire and ability to put any fears aside so that one can do what they know in their heart is something they want and need to do. I learned long before I met this guy that it is so terribly important to address these fears and not think of them as being stupid when it’s your first time turning your dreams into reality; not everyone can conquer their fears and, yeah, they chicken out before the moment of truth and sometimes right in the middle of whatever’s happening. I think it’s important to not get pissed off, to set aside any disappointment I might be feeling, and instead of just leaving in a huff, sit and talk to the guy about it, not so much for my own understanding but to help him understand himself, you know, like, what were you thinking when you wanted to stop?
I guess that makes me different from other men I’ve run into because, truth be told, some dudes just don’t care if you have any misgivings about having sex with them and if you do, they’re gonna get pretty pissy about it and stomp off without another word said… or what they might say before the door hits them in the ass isn’t going to be nice by any stretch of the imagination…