Ah, man… whenever I’d hear a gay man tell me this, it used to set me off something fierce and have me rip-roaring mad faster than calling me a nigger! Over time, though, I learned not to be insulted by such a statement and became curious as to why some gay dudes would say this – so I’d ask them and that wasn’t always a smart thing for me to do because some of them would launch into a campaign to convert me and save me from those nasty-assed women and their equally nasty pussies.
I’d listen to them and with barely contained amusement as they extolled the virtues that, in their opinion, would make me a good gay man; I’d listen to them tell me how good they’d be to me in bed and so good that they’d make me forget all about liking pussy – and this one would have me biting my lip to keep from laughing and more so since I’d often have this conversation after we had sex. Whether it was good or “bad” isn’t the point as much as it wasn’t like the religious experience that would have to happen in order to even get me to think about giving up the nooky, let alone doing it in favor of a dick-only existence.
Often, they’d insist that I was, in fact, gay and, yes, you can insert laughter here. I’d counter their statement by asking them that if I were really gay, why did I like women so much? One guy told me that I had been brainwashed into not being what he called my true self, something I found highly amusing because I thought that my being bisexual was me being my true self – but what do I know? After I stopped laughing – and apologizing for the laughter – I did think that he had a point of sorts, i.e., we are conditioned to be more interested in the opposite sex, admonished to ignore any attraction to the same sex, and then listen to a lot of bullshit when we learn that the truth of all of this is very different from what we’ve been told.
And, really, if I have been brainwashed into liking women and pussy, um, I’m not exactly complaining about that a whole lot…
I found it interesting to hear gay men tell me how confused I was, that all I’ve been doing any time I’ve been with a woman was experimenting and, once, told that I was fucking women to keep up appearances so no one would suspect that I was gay as well as just flat-out being in denial… yet, they couldn’t really do a convincing job of explaining why I was in denial; they also couldn’t offer up much of an explanation for how it could be possible that they knew what was going on in my head about this better than I did.
One guy, who was (I guess) disappointed that I wasn’t going to turn to the gay side for him, said, “But… but you sucked my dick better than most of my gay lovers!” I took it as a compliment but told him, “Maybe that’s because I’ve been sucking dick for a long time now and, um, I really like doing it? That doesn’t mean that I should be gay – it just means I’ve gotten kinda/sorta good at this dick-sucking thing, right?”
One guy who was (I guess) quite smitten with me said that he was gonna make it his life’s work to make me gay… and, no, I didn’t hold back my incredulous laughter and told him that I seriously doubted there was anyone alive who could fuck with my head like that and to the point where I’d willingly give up my love for women and pussy. He did try to “make me be gay” and I gotta give him props for it and, honestly, if I were on the bubble about really being gay, he gave a very convincing argument about how he was so much better than any woman I knew in bed or out of it, how he’d treat me like a king and lavish with so much attention and the kind that only another man could provide. After hearing him out, I asked him what he could do for me that a woman couldn’t and, well, he had a hard time with this one – and I understood why he did because he had zero experience with women – no relationships, no attempts of sex with a woman, nothing but his own viewpoint and whatever the gays he associated with had to say about women.
Even with the gay dudes who “went gay” after getting some experience with women and found them not to their liking, it’s kinda hard to convince me of something that is so deeply rooted in prejudice – just because they had shitty experiences with women didn’t mean a whole lot to me outside of my being sorry that their experiences weren’t good. And, yes, while I admitted that women can be major pains in the ass, even that wasn’t enough to take the shine off of their allure or the things women bring to the table that even the most effeminate gay man couldn’t duplicate. It would really crack me up to hear these guys going on and on about how much better in bed they were than women and, well, I just wasn’t buying it; the men with no sexual experience with women and the men with limited experience just couldn’t convince me that, sexually, they were better than women.
One guy said, “Well, uh, you suck dick and you fucked me in the ass so you must want to be gay!” My response was, “And what does that have to do with anything? Is it possible that I do these things because I like the sex?” I had to assure him that I did, in fact, like him as a person… but that didn’t mean – at least to me – that I should be gay; I mean, seriously, I like a whole lot of women but that doesn’t mean I’d want to be a woman. One guy was fairly sure that he could hypnotize me and plant a post-hypnotic suggestion that would make me throw up whenever I thought about liking a woman so I’d have no choice but to be gay… and I wished him luck with that because, short of using certain drugs, I’m one of those people who can’t be hypnotized; I guess my mind is too active for it to happen…
I told one guy that maybe if I hadn’t already had some pussy – and liked it – it was possible that I could adopt the gay lifestyle but he would have had to be able to not let me have that first taste – but, ah, he couldn’t have prevented that if he wanted to since he hadn’t been born when I got my first tastes of pussy… and I doubted that his parents had been born at that time. Then there was the guy who asked what he’d have to do or say for me to change my mind and swear off of women and pussy and just be a gay man… and I told him that I couldn’t begin to imagine what he could do or say that would change my mind – and the fact that even I knew some guys who went from straight to bi to gay just didn’t mean that because they did it, I would want to do it – and I just don’t have a reason to want to be gay.
One guy insisted that I should give having a relationship with him and felt that this would take my mind off of women and pussy… and he was quite taken aback when I told him that I’d been there and done that already and while I enjoyed it, nope, wasn’t giving up the nooky. He persisted and said that the guy I had my relationship obviously didn’t do enough or do things right to get me to embrace my true sexual identity – and then decided that I was lying about this relationship because if I had fallen in love with a gay man, he should have not fallen in love with me or wanted anything to do with me because I was tainted by women… which only meant that he just didn’t understand that the man I loved was quite okay with my love of women and pussy and I thought that he was of a mind that such a thing displayed by a gay man wasn’t possible.
All of this… insistence that I be wholly gay did teach me something, like, how people think in absolutes, i.e., things are either this way or that way or, in this, either straight or gay and while I know that this isn’t true, it has always intrigued me as to why people would think like this despite any evidence that says they’re wrong, which also says a lot of things about how people think or how they view the world around them. And keep in mind that I ran into this before all this biphobia shit got to be such a hot-button topic. Being told that I should be gay is flattering in a way and not so much and I made it a point to not let the unflattering parts of this rub me the wrong way because there’s no point in it and more so since I’m not likely to change my mind or have it changed so that I can give up all the wonderfulness of women for whatever a man believes he can provide when it comes to my emotional and physical needs. For the time being, it just doesn’t suit my purpose to be wholly gay; I’m not going to be so arrogant to say that I wouldn’t have reason to change my mind about it somewhere down the road – I just cannot imagine why I would or what would have to happen for me to say, “Oh… I guess I was really gay all along…”
Nope! I am bisexual and despite the inherent difficulties that come with being bisexual, I love being bisexual and, yes, even when I’m not diving into the other end of the pool. I’d never say that being straight or gay is without its rewards because it’s obvious that people find being on either end of the sexuality scale quite rewarding… but I like being in the middle; it meshes perfectly with my personality and provides the “right mix”of emotional and physical satisfaction thanks to being able to get that which I need from both men and women. Being bisexual might not be the best way to be for other people – but it works for me and at the end of the day, isn’t that all that really matters?