“Is the best thing about being bisexual just about the sex?”
The question, asked by a guy I was talking to about being bisexual, was a little unexpected and made me blink for a few seconds as my brain processed the question then compiled an answer.
“No, not really; at least for me, the best thing about being bisexual is knowing that if I wanted to, I could – it’s having that freedom to be the person I want to be,” I replied. “Being bisexual is so liberating and along so many lines and the sex, while good most of the time, is only a part of it.”
“What do you mean?” he asked.
“It’s about bucking the system, being a nonconformist, and the thrill of being different,” I replied even though I was kinda frowning as I did so because I was talking about stuff that I surely knew but, until the original question came up, I never had much reason to actually put into words.
“So you’d still feel the same if you weren’t having sex with dudes?” he asked after sipping his drink.
“Yeah… why wouldn’t I?” I countered, wondering where this was going and if it was even going anywhere. “Don’t get me wrong – I like the sex; hell, I love sex, period but the sex is one of the perks of being free to indulge in such things. Not having the sex doesn’t mean I wouldn’t continue to feel the same about being bisexual.”
“Hmm,” he said, scratching his cheek. “So what’s it like to have sex with men and women?”
“It’s sex,” I answered, my eyebrows arching upward. “What’s it like when you have sex? I mean, it must be a good thing because if getting busy with men was a bad thing, I wouldn’t do it with them… would I?”
“That’s a fair question,” he said, smiling at me. “My apologies for asking a dumb question.”
“It wasn’t a dumb question,” I said, returning his smile. “It kinda didn’t make sense to me. Now, if you had asked me about all the different nuances involved, well, we might be sitting here for a few days.”
“Because it’s complicated and there are things about this that words don’t exist for,” I answered.
“So… which is better – sex with men or sex with women?”
“Yes,” I answered, figuring that if he wanted to play games, well, okay, let’s play.
“What kind of answer was that?” he asked and clearly confused.
“What kind of question was that?” I countered. “Okay, if you’re asking me if I prefer one over the other, let me put it this way: I’d take the pussy first but I wouldn’t say no to the dick if it was being offered. “Better” is such a subjective way of looking at this.”
“I was just wondering,” he said. “So you really don’t have any preferences?”
“I have them just like you do or anyone else does,” I said, signalling the bartender for a refill. “In any of this, there are things I like to do, things I don’t like doing, and things I’d never do for all the tea in China.”
“So, what you’re saying is that being bisexual isn’t all that different from, say, being straight?” he asked.
“I don’t think so when we’re talking preferences,” I said, nodding my thanks to the bartender for the refill. “You could say that because I’m bisexual, I have more preferences than a guy who isn’t bisexual. Oh, and if you’re thinking about asking me to dissect those preferences, pack a lunch, okay, and before you ask why, it’s because it’s a very long discussion point that’ll take a while to cover.”
“So it’s not really true that a bisexual will sleep with just anyone?” he asked.
“No… but I can understand how it could look like that when a bisexual will easily go to bed with a woman and do the same with a willing guy,” I said. “When you live in a world where you’re always expected to sleep with women only when you’re a man, that you’d sleep with a guy can give the impression that you’ll just sleep with anyone and then be indiscriminate about it – and that’s not the truth of it.”
“And that doesn’t bother you that people believe that?”
The guy I was talking to and I both turned and looked to my right to the woman who was sitting one bar stool away from me; it never entered my mind that she was listening to our conversation so that she chimed in surprised both of us.
“Well, yeah, it does,” I said to her, turning on my stool to face her more. “But I try hard not to pay much attention to that crap and because I know it’s not true.”
“So if I’ve been hearing right, the important thing for you isn’t the actual sex with a man or a woman – it’s being free to do it if and when you could, right?” she asked.
“For me, yes,” I replied – but now I’m wondering if I’d inadvertently walked into some kind of setup involving the guy I was talking to and this new participant to the conversation.
“How do you decide?” she asked, scooting over to the stool right next to me.
“I don’t understand the question,” I said.
“When you get horny, how do you decide if you want a man or a woman?” she clarified.
“Hmm, actually, I’m not sure,” I said after a moment of thought. “Sometimes, I guess it depend on what I have a taste for, you know, like you’re hungry, you know you’ve got to eat something, and now you’re thinking about what you want to eat. You might want something specific – like steak instead of chicken – but you might just go for whatever’s available.”
“That sounds complicated,” she said.
“It sound a lot more complicated than it really is,” I said with a smile. “It’s kinda like this: By ‘default’ I’d want to have sex with a woman… but having sex with a guy could also be on the menu and now it’s a question of availability, if that makes sense.”
“It does,” the guy on my left said; the woman next to me nodded as well.
“Let’s say me and the guy next to you wanted to go to bed with you,” she began. “Would you have to choose which one of us to go to bed with?”
“No – I’d go to bed with both of you,” I answered, smiling wickedly. “Hey, when you can have both at the same time, it really doesn’t get any better than that when you’re bisexual.”
“Holy shit,” she said. “Are all bisexuals as wild as you are?”
“I was gonna ask him that, too,” the other guy said.
“Nah, I don’t think so – it doesn’t make sense that they would be and, really, compared to some guys I know, I’m pretty tame,” I said. “I just don’t have much in the way of inhibitions so, in your scenario, I wouldn’t find a reason to have to choose between you or him; if I could have both of you, why not, right? Wait… that wasn’t an offer, was it?”
“No!” they both said almost simultaneously.
“Oh, okay,” I said, hiding my very evil smile behind the rim of my glass. “But, you see, that’s the thing about being bisexual – you could choose one over the other if you wanted to but if you don’t have any hangups about it, if you could have both, shit, why not go for it? It’s very liberating for me to know that I could if I wanted to and, to me, that’s one of the great things about being bisexual: Knowing that you could.”
“That’s deep,” she said with a nod. “I don’t think I could be like that.”
“Me neither,” the guy said.
“And that’s fine,” I said. “Ain’t no law or anything saying that you had to be bisexual but, yeah, if you were – and depending on how deep your inhibitions went – having the hot dog and the bun together isn’t so far-fetched! But, yeah, if you were of a mind to, you could just have the hot dog by itself… or just the bun.”
My comment had them both laughing. I looked at my watch, saw it was getting late, and signalled the bartender so I could settle up my tab. I said to them, “Hey, it’s been real and I’ve enjoyed this conversation but I gotta call it a night – I have a meeting at 8:30 and I’m not a morning person!”
“Thanks for talking about this,” the guy said, extending a hand to me. “I forget how we got on that topic but, damn, I learned some shit!”
“So did I,” the woman said, giving me a smile.
“You know,” I began as I stood up, “One of the best things about being bisexual is doing what we just did – being able to sit and talk about it with other people and without them freaking out – good night!”
As I rode the elevator to my assigned floor, I smiled; not only was I not feeling much in the way of pain thanks to the top-shelf Scotch I’d been drinking, but I was feeling pretty good about having an ‘open’ discussion about my sexuality and without all the drama such things can bring to the table. Yeah, for a moment, I did think I was being set up for something but that wasn’t the cause… but my smile got wider when I thought about the fact that if they were trying to set me up, I knew how I would have handled it and, no, it wouldn’t have bothered me a whole lot.
Being bisexual is like having the best of both worlds because it’s not always about the sex but it’s more about being unbound by conventional thinking when it comes to such things. It’s stepping outside the boxes and being bold and daring enough to be outside the boxes and just knowing that you could if you wanted to – but you didn’t necessarily have to – is liberating beyond words.