If you’re a bisexual who has never had the sex from the same side and you’re standing on the edge of getting it on, before you cross that line, you’d better be sure that you (a) want to cross it and (b) you can cross it. You might be thinking, “Duh! That’s just common sense!” and you’d be right… and not so much. As someone who has been with men going for their first time, I’ve seen them right on the edge, have heard (and sometimes seen) their need to take that next step, and I’ve seen them take it… only to learn that, oh, shit, they weren’t as prepared to cross that line and take their initial plunge as they thought. Sometimes, there’s no drama because I’m a lot more understanding than most guys so if the other guy says that he can’t do it, okay, we’re not gonna do it. However, sometimes there is drama because learning that you’re not ready to do this can cause some deep emotional trauma and I’ve seen too many guys freak out in some way.
When guys have asked me how they’d know when they’re ready for that first time, I tell them that it’s a question I cannot answer because if they don’t know, nobody knows… but in some instances I will also follow that up by saying something that’s kinda obvious: When you’re ready, you will know. I can’t tell them the “mechanism” involved in this even some of it is a conscious decision to go ahead and get it done; it’s my belief that the “green light” is given at a subconscious level; something in that part of you says, “It’s time!” and then turns things over to one’s conscious mind to figure out how to make it happen.
I’ve seen a lot of first-timers get naked so I can blow them and before my lips make contact with their boner, suddenly yelp that they can’t proceed; I’ve had them blurt out, “Stop! Hold up!” or something similar after I have, at the least, gotten their knob in my mouth; I’ve had them be okay and I’m having a grand time sucking on them and getting ready for them to bust… and have had them freak out right before they get to the point of no return and I’ve had to stop; I’ve seen them bust that nut and when that moment of clarity hits them, they’ve said, “Shit, I shouldn’t have done that…” I’ve also seen guys make it through getting their dick sucked… but if returning the favor was the thing they also wanted to do, wow, I’ve seen them trying to deal with the “revulsion” of being up close and personal with my dick hit them so hard that some guys have gotten violently ill and if that didn’t happen, I’ve seen them kinda/sorta break down emotionally and I guess it’s because they now know that they weren’t ready to do something they thought they’d be ready to do.
I’ve heard their reasons for wanting to stop, from feeling overwhelmingly guilty to them telling me that they thought that having a guy sucking them wouldn’t be any different from having a woman doing it – but I’d have to say that it’s been Guilt that has made them step back from the edge and stay behind the safety line more than anything else. Feeling guilty, in my opinion, is a natural reaction to doing something that we’ve been told never to do and I’ve reasoned that this is so because even though I am very experienced in this, yeah, I can at times feel Guilt trying to fuck with me from the sidelines.
What does it take to successfully take that initial plunge “safely?” It’s not an easy answer – well, wait… the answer is easy but doing it might not be all that easy: You have to fully commit to having that first experience and do so while being as aware as possible of the consequences of your soon-to-be-taken actions – and that includes that natural reaction to feel so guilty about it that you might have your last meal return to pay you (and the other guy) a visit and in a very unpleasant way.
All of this is the reason why I will spend whatever time is necessary to talk to the first-time guy so we both can be sure that he’s as sure as he can be that he wants to do this. I will give them the third degree (minus the hot lights and rubber hoses) and depending on how the conversation is going, I will even try to talk them out of going forward if I’m getting the sense that if they go ahead, there might be a problem. All of this is the reason why I’ll take the time to check on them while I’m sucking them and ask if they’re okay and, yes, before their lips get anywhere near my dick, I will ask them, “Are you sure you want to do this?” and remind them that there’s no shame if they find that they can’t.
I just think it’s very damned important for a first-timer to be as sure as they can be that (a) they really want to do this and (b) that they will be able to do it – but then be very aware that even though they’re sure, Murphy could show up and make this a “threesome” and really make things go very wrong. I’ve had them “argue” with me that, yeah, they’re ready, willing, and able to get it on and I’ll say, “Okay… so let’s do this!” and it’s not a good thing to see them fall short of their declared goal and, yeah, I’ll admit, there are times I find some humor in this as I think – but never say aloud – “I told you so…” and now it’s all about doing damage control.
Why do I give a fuck about this? That’s easy to answer: It’s because I know how being unable to do any of this can fuck up someone’s emotional state, from being pissed with themselves because they couldn’t do it to being so distraught that they’re crying uncontrollably. I’ve watched them get a very bad case of the shakes and I’ve felt a lot of compassion for them when they’ve yakked all over the place and, well, it’s just me being responsible in this. I could, like some guys are wont to do, totally disregard their feelings in favor of my own… but that’s just wrong and so irresponsible that it make me ill just thinking about doing something that crass and careless. I don’t ever assume that just because I somehow managed to escape going through the negative shit, every guy having his first time should be able to do it and remain unscathed. I give a fuck because I care more about what might happen to him other than getting him to bust a nut; I’ve often been criticized for this – some dudes think I shouldn’t care what happens to them because they should’ve been man enough to deal with doing it for the first time… but I also think the critics are like this because they don’t remember their own first time and, if it went badly, how the other guy didn’t give a fuck about their feelings or any other impact that might have taken place.
If you don’t think you can do it, then don’t – how difficult is that? Surprise! It can be difficult because the drive to have the sex can be so damned powerful that your common sense can be easily overridden; you’re telling yourself that you can’t do this because (add the reasons here) but that need to do this is saying that you should just go ahead and do it and whatever happens is gonna happen but, hey, don’t worry – nothing’s gonna happen! A guy can go through whatever machinations he uses to “convince” himself that he can do it and that for his own well-being, he needs to do it but, please, be aware that while being able to get yourself to this place is a good thing, when it’s time to actually do it, eh, the reality might not match what’s going on in your head. I’d never say that it wouldn’t nicely match up because it damned well can – I’m just doing some due diligence and letting you know that it might not so you can have a Plan B in place.
Oh, yeah, and then if I’m the one giving you that first time, um, you’re gonna have to convince me that you can do this but, hey, don’t worry: If we find that you can’t, you’ll be in good hands because I’m not gonna leave you hanging out in the wind to deal with it by yourself. If having your first time is firmly in your mind and you’ve committed yourself to having it, I’d recommend baby steps – there’s no need to go for the whole nine yards for your first time and more so when, realistically, there’s no way for you to know how it’s gonna turn out; you’re not really gonna know how you’re gonna react because doing this with a guy ain’t exactly the same as doing it with a girl. Again, some guys think it’s easy to let a dude suck them because they’ve had women do it; likewise, they think it’s easy to suck dick and only because they’ve been sucked before. And, yes, it can be easy…
But you’d better be sure.