Dear Haters of Bisexuals and Those Suffering From Biphobia:
I am bisexual – so what? A lot of people are a lot of things and one of the problems we have as a species is that if you’re not what everyone else is or what they expect you to be, that’s a problem… for them. We’ve got this “moral majority” thing going on and it’s been around longer than I’ve been around and while it sets our “baseline behavior” socially, if there’s a majority, then there is always a minority, so to speak and a clear indication that there are people who are not quite like the majority and that’s not necessarily a bad thing all of the time.
I am bisexual – so what? If the fact that I can be romantically and sexually intimate with both men and women bothers you, maybe I’m not the one with the problem. Yes, you’re in the majority of people who think being bisexual is a bad thing and I’d go as far as to point out that some of the people who agree with you on this aren’t as straight as you are – they’re gay – so how do you like being lumped into a group whose “moral compass” is just as cockeyed as you say mine is? Oh, you didn’t know? Now you do…
I am bisexual – so what? Am I all that bad because I love eating pussies and sucking dicks? Some say that I am and, oddly enough, a lot of those who’d say that I’m immoral and evil are the same people who are doing things in this regard that even I’d be loath to do; if you get off having someone pissing on you or you like wearing diapers or your idea of fun is putting on a latex dog suit and letting a woman walk you around in public on a leash, um, suddenly, the fact that I love sucking a guy’s dick until he cums doesn’t sound all that bad. Is my sexuality that troubling to you because, unlike you, I don’t necessarily have to have a relationship with someone to validate the fact that, yeah, I’ll eat that pussy and probably faster than you would… but, yeah, I’ll suck that dick, too, and relationships aren’t even a necessity, let alone a requirement. I’m not sure why you require this proof of concept nor do I understand why you won’t just believe me when I tell you that I like pussy and dick – it’s never an either/or situation, by the way and, yes, personally? I do like having them both in one setting… ’cause I got it like that – just saying.
I am bisexual – so what? Let me ask you something and I hope you don’t get offended but, ah, do you not like anyone who’s bisexual because they can do things that, perhaps, you cannot do? Oh, I know you’re gonna get all righteous on me because I asked you this and start preaching to the choir so please, save it – I’ve heard it all so there’s nothing new that’s gonna come down from your moral pulpit, okay? I’m just asking a question because it seems to me that if being bisexual is something you won’t do, um, doesn’t that also mean that you can’t do it? Yeah, I know, them’s fighting words and I’m not here to fight with you. But hear me out for a little longer because if you can justify going out and fucking someone else’s husband or wife – which is immoral, by the way – and you’d defend your position on this, what makes me and all the others like me worse than you are when it comes to be moral? Oh, and if your answer to this is straight out of the Old Testament you’re gonna tell me about the laws put in place regarding men lying down with other men, allow me to remind you that God said, in His Ten Commandments, “Thou shalt not commit adultery.”
I am bisexual – so what? At times, I’m really hard-pressed to understand why this scares a lot of people; being bisexual doesn’t scare me half as much as, say, being hog-tied on some device and being what amounts to being tortured; if you were to ask me which thing I’d like best – sucking dick or having someone choking me out while they’re fucking me, let’s say – hell, I’d suck dick any day and be damned happy to do it. Huh? What’s that you say? Oh, you’re gonna defend your right to get your rocks off the way you want to and in whatever way pleases you? Okay, believe it or not, I’m cool with that; I might not want to get my rocks off in this way (or any way similar to it) but even I would defend your right to this… so why wouldn’t I defend my bisexuality… and why aren’t you cool with it because, at the very least, it’s still a way to crush some rocks.
I am bisexual – so what? Ah, okay… are you getting ready to pull the health card and slam it onto the table? Put it back in your hand if that’s what you had in mind because maybe you aren’t all that aware of the fact that while having sex is both physically and mentally healthy, it’s still one of the most unhealthiest things people can do, too. Yes, I agree – STDs and all their relatives are some bad business but if you believe the numbers coming out of the CDC and the WHO about bisexuality and its connection to these things, um, you’re not seeing the whole picture because the numbers for this shit are there for heterosexuals, too – you just don’t hear a whole lot about that these days. What… do you really think that fucking a woman who has a yeast infection that she doesn’t know about is good and healthy for ya? I’d rather go suck a guy’s dick before I’d eat some of that bread she’s baking in her oven – just saying. I’m sure you know that if baby girl has a UTI – and women don’t always present symptoms – and you go running up in her like a mad man, you’re gonna catch it and unless you’re symptomatic enough to notice it, um, you’re gonna turn right around and give it right back to her. Oh, you didn’t know that? Hmm… just saying… again. So, yeah, put the card back in your hand. I’m not dissing women but I know there are a lot of things a woman can have that she can pass on to you… and she doesn’t know that her shit is busted. So, yeah, sex is some risky business – period.
I am bisexual – so what? Is it really all that bad that, as a bisexual, I’m perhaps more sexually diverse than you are? Is having a single source for sex really that great of a thing? Oh, no – I’m not saying that’s bad and I hope you didn’t expect me to say some bullshit like that… but which is better, having a limited set of “tools” in your toolbox or having a larger variety of tools? Is there a price you’re willing to put on your sexual satisfaction… and is it always such a good thing to set a lower value on this and then put the responsibility for that solely in one person’s hands? You say it is and, really, I don’t argue that at all – but I will tell you that there are a lot of us who don’t see it that way but, of course, since you’d never suck another guy’s dick or eat another woman’s pussy, you really don’t know, do you? You think you know and that’s because you hear shit and you’ve formed your own opinions against it… but you really and truly don’t know. What’s that you say? You tried it once and you didn’t like it? Okay, I’ll grant you that… but lemme ask you something: Are you one of those people who, for whatever reason, tries something once, find it wanting, and then assume that because you didn’t like it then, you’d never like it going forward?
Now, I know a lot of people equate this to other things in life like, oh, eating liver; they taste it for the first time and, yuck, that’s some nasty-assed shit and you vow to never eat it again and without even considering that you could, in fact, run into a piece of liver that isn’t going to taste like you’re chewing on a piece of iron. But, yeah, you could tell me that you don’t have to try it to know you don’t or wouldn’t like it and you can stand pat on your belief that just because you tried it once and didn’t like it, you’re never gonna like it… and there’s a fallacy taking place here and, oh, I dunno, maybe you’re just not aware of it and, nope, I’m not gonna tell you what it is, either – you should be smart enough to figure it out, right? Nah, I’m not really insulting your intelligence – I’m just pointing out something that you may not be aware of and it plays into me telling you that you don’t really know like I do – you just think you do. And if you’d say that you can’t, well, um, why can’t you? And, please, don’t tell me it’s because you’re not supposed to because even I know I’m not supposed to get off on sucking dick – but I can… and you can’t… and I’m just wondering why you can’t; I’m wondering why you think that something I can do – but you can’t do – is a bad thing. Huh? You say that it isn’t a turn on for you? Did you expect such a thing to be an immediate turn on? You did? Hah, even I’d admit that it’s not always an immediate turn on and that, yeah, it’s something you have to learn how to like but, um, how do you know it would never turn you on? Are you one of those people who likes to say that there ain’t shit another man/woman can do for me? I know quite a few people who have said that… and then learned that they were wrong – just saying… again.
So to put this thing to bed, let me point out a glaring fault in your dislike of bisexuals: If you have the right to be straight or even gay and you will defend this right with all that you can bring to bear, do you really find it all that wrong for bisexuals to defend their right to be bisexuals? If you think that’s it’s wrong for us to not pick a side (as you so crassly put it) or insist that we make up our minds or even – get this – stop being so greedy – um, are you telling me that you’re not living in a glass house and that your shit is all above-board and beyond reproach? I would suggest that if you are a hater of bisexuals or suffering from biphobia, you know, one of those people who are insisting that we don’t and shouldn’t exist and all that other rubbish, no, your house isn’t all that much in order as you think and that your air of moral rightness isn’t as centered as you believe it to be – it is horribly and terribly skewed and the fact that you believe that people can only be straight or gay, as a bisexual, I’m not the one with the problem: We aren’t in denial about anything… but you are… and I’ll leave you to think about all of this.
Your Friendly Neighborhood Bisexual Dude
PS: Did you know that some of your friends and family could also be bisexual? You didn’t? Hmm…