There are a lot of things that can be labeled as being “the worst” when it comes to being bisexual, from discovering that you are bisexual (or think ya might be) to trying to do something about those feelings welling up inside of you and even telling other folks that you’re bisexual (this can be very bad). Included in this list can be someone trying to tell you that you aren’t and cannot be bisexual, which is also very bad… but the absolute worst thing isn’t them telling you this:
It’s you believing that they are right. Think about this for a moment or two while I prattle on…
We all know the rules: You should not ever feel anything for someone of the same sex other than friendship. And while this is morally and even socially “proper,” it defeats the human ability to feel lust or even love for anyone who strikes your fancy. That most people will abide by this rule with every fiber of their being is the status quo – it’s the way they believe things should operate. However – and this is pretty damned obvious if you ask me (and you didn’t) – some of us have reason to either question this rule or determine that it’s emotionally unenforceable because, duh, it’s how you feel, right? And while the rules dictate your behavior in a great many things and tries to contain your feelings to the opposite sex mode of doing things, is there really a rule that says you can’t feel what you’re feeling?
Trying to wrap your head around all of this is either very hard or amazingly easy, depending on the individual’s ability to work this in their head. Now, it’s really not unusual for you to be told what you can feel, when you can feel it, shit like that, so that you toe the line like you’re supposed to but when it comes to this, does anyone really have the right to tell you that you can’t feel what you’re feeling in this? Again, this is bad and I’ve always looked at this as an infringement of my rights to be human – you just really cannot ask or make me stop thinking about the way I feel and I don’t know what makes you think that you do. The worst possible thing about this is, as I said in that bolded thing above, me believing that you’re right and what I’m feeling isn’t.
Just how the fuck does that work? Now… you can object to what I might tell you about my same-sex feelings… and your objections have been noted and logged. You can, if you think you got it like that, threaten me with what could be dire punishments, like, if I’m in a relationship, you could threaten to leave me and, nope, that probably wouldn’t be a good thing. But your threats are kinda empty; sure, they might make me think twice about doing something about the way I feel… but you and I both are going straight to hell if you think I’m gonna allow you to tell me that I can’t feel what I’m feeling and then go out of your way to make me believe that I’m not feeling these things.
You don’t have the right to do this to me and if I let you convince me that I’m wrong about my feelings – and wrong to feel them – you won’t have to worry about leaving me (if we’re in a relationship) because you just made it easy for me to excise you from my life for thinking that you can do this unthinkable thing and get away with it; when it comes to my feelings, you just do not ever want to fuck with me about them. Yes, you have the right to tell me that I can’t be bisexual and all that other shit… but I still retain the right to tell you to go fuck yourself because you don’t get to decide the person I want to be… and you sure as hell aren’t going to convince me that I’m not feeling what I’m feeling. I’m just not going to fucking believe you because, ahem, I don’t have to believe you.
Sounds defiant, doesn’t it? That’s probably because it is – you just don’t get to tell me not to feel what I’m feeling and all because it upsets you or you think it’s wrong. And, to my fellow bisexuals and all the budding bisexuals reading this, if you don’t have this “defiant” attitude about your bisexual feelings, I’m here to tell you that there is something very wrong with you. This ain’t about morality so, for the moment, fuck morality; this is totally and completely about you and your feelings. Keep in mind that this ain’t about doing anything: This is about your God-given right to feel what you want to feel. You can control my actions – fuck, I might even put the leash on my actions… but don’t tell me that I don’t feel the way I feel about this and if I believe that you’re right – and, really, there’s no way that you are, all things considered – for me to believe that you’re right is the absolute worst thing possible. I’ve not only caved in to your beliefs, but I’ve discarded that which I’ve come to believe and have now allowed you to take away my sense of self; I’ve just rolled over and exposed my tender bits to you in what I’d call the ultimate act of surrender and, friends, if you don’t think there’s something wrong with this, I don’t know what else I can tell you.
Even the rules we are all too aware of cannot stop you from feeling what you feel and, damned right, it’s the reason why some of us feel guilty about our bisexual feelings because we know what the rules say – and our feelings are saying, “Fuck the rules…” But, I’ll ask you again: If you allow someone to convince you that you’re not feeling what you’re feeling, who’s the bad guy here – the one who convinced you… or yourself for allowing it to happen? Even if you can justify this – and a lot of people do, which isn’t surprising – is it really okay for you, as a human being, to just give up your right and ability to feel things?
I say it isn’t and should never be for any reason… unless, of course, you think it’s just perfectly right for you to be what someone else wants you to be… and then because they don’t think you should feel the way you do. Even when you’re married to someone, they don’t have the right to tell you what to feel nor do they have the right to impose their will upon you like that and have you thinking, “Well, I guess they’re right…” and just how in the name of all that’s holy can they be right? These are your feelings… aren’t they? I just want to you think about how fucked up this behavior is because people do allow others to control what they’re feeling and are made to believe that their feelings aren’t what they are. Yeah, they think they shouldn’t exist within you… which never, fucking ever, changes the fact that you are feeling them.
I just think that when you get to the point where you believe – or are made to believe – that sacrificing your feelings like this is okay, you’ve given up what it means to be you and now you’re obediently being someone who is, essentially, not you: You’re being what they want you to be and you’ve given them absolute and total control over your emotions, thoughts, and feelings. Some of you will say that they’d be right to do this and that you have no choice but to obey their edicts regarding your feelings; some of you will, by rote, say that sacrifices have to be made for the sake of the relationship or the sensibilities of others… but is it really right? Is it?
It’s one thing if you somehow manage to convince yourself that you’re not as bisexual as you originally thought – no crime committed her. But would it be “criminal” for you to let someone else tell you that you aren’t… and then you believe them? Where is your trust in yourself? Oh, that’s right… you just gave it to someone else who couldn’t possibly understand how you’re feeling or why you do… because they think it’s wrong for you to think or feel this way… and you let them do this to you… and then convinced yourself that they’re right… and that they have the right to do this in the first place.
It is the absolute worst thing about being bisexual when you let someone else mindfuck you and, yes, if you’ve let them convince you that you’re not what you know yourself (or even think) yourself to be, you have been royally mindfucked! How’s that working for ya, huh? They don’t have to like it; they don’t even have to accept it and that’s really their problem even though they will make it your problem because you’ve managed to offend them. And, personally, I’d rather not offend anyone and just because it’s a pain in the ass (and not in a good way)… but I will be damned if you’re gonna tell me what I can’t feel and then try to make me believe that you’re more right about my feelings than I am… and I’m the one feeling them. Yep, I might agree not to do anything about my feelings but when you start fucking with my feelings, you’re fucking with the core of who I am, my identity as a human being and, I don’t know about y’all, but no one is allowed to fuck with me like that and if I let them, well, that says some very bad things about who I think I am as a whole person.
Just my opinion and all that but I had to say something about this since it was on my mind…