While there are those who aren’t happy about the fact that bisexuals are, by and large, invisible – read that as most bisexuals go about their day and without a neon pink sign on them that’s screaming, “Look at me! I’m bisexual!” – there are a few advantages to our invisibility, like, being able to bear witness to the derogatory way anyone who is assumed or presumed not to be straight is talked about.
I don’t know how many times in my life I’ve been around people and have had to listen to the shit coming out their mouths as their homophobic views are put out there. At first, oh, man, I used to get so pissed because sometimes, they were talking about people like me even though they weren’t really talking about me; it took me a while to learn how to contain my anger and not let their crass rantings affect me… but it was difficult. Such raving sessions would often get uncomfortable as the ranters would try to include me in their denigration, egging me on to say something nasty about “that faggot mother fucker” or “that punk-assed, cock sucking bitch” and other such epithets that would have my face burning in shame to hear such things coming out of someone’s mouth – and more so if I knew any of the people spouting this bullshit.
I refused to add anything to their, ah, discussion and, at times, my refusal would make the pack turn on me because I guess they figured that if I wasn’t gonna join them, the reason must be because I’m one of the motherfuckers they’re talking about – and, again, without realizing that I was. Ah, but my reputation, more often than not, preceded me and all it would take was a look from me that said that fucking with me might not be a good idea and if the look wasn’t enough, well, my “mastery” of words was pretty lethal and if it came to blows – and sometimes it would – well, someone who didn’t know me would find out why I had the “silent but deadly” rep and in a very painful way. Of course, as I got much older, responding to this shit with violence wasn’t the answer but, yeah, while they’d go about their homophobic rants, they stopped trying to get me to join in and it was easier just to walk away shaking my head.
It got to a point where I could discern genuine homophobia from guys just waving their dicks around and hosing the area down with testosterone-laden machismo; if you were a guy, of course you’d be against any guy who’d have sex with another guy and, equally of course, you just had to shout it all down because we’re guys… and guys don’t do that girly shit. It went from being disturbing to being funny in both senses – ironically and humorously – because I knew for a fact that some of the guys ranting and raving against homosexual men weren’t all that adverse to some sex from that side of the fence. So, yeah, they were perpetrating a fraud big time and lying like rugs about their “hatred” of homosexuals and switch-hitters and all just to save face… but it rarely stopped them from adding to the verbal denigration of some unsuspecting guy whose only “crime” was the way he was walking when he passed by. I began to see this as both interesting and funny because, um, if you guys are as homophobic as you say you are, ah, why were you looking at that guy’s ass when he walked by?
As I began to travel here and there, I learned that this behavior wasn’t just a local thing – this behavior was alarmingly wide-spread and was the only thing that would cross even racial boundaries; ya might be a nigger that a group of white guys didn’t like… but if you didn’t like fags, well, welcome, brother! Hey, if you hate fags like we do, you can’t be all that bad – let’s go get a beer! I’d hear shit like this and it was just shameful to bear witness to and more so when even the strangers I encountered in my travels would talk beaucoup shit against homosexuals… but would also say shit like if some faggot tried to hit on him, not only would they kick the faggot’s ass… but then they’d sexually assault them orally, anally, or both… and I’d think, “What the fuck? If you believe that being a gay man is the worst thing in the world, why would you rape him?”
The answer was disturbing – some guys just get off emasculating other men like that but I was now wondering how you could emasculate a man who, at least to himself, is more female than male? I even asked a couple of “homophobic” guys why they’d make “that fairy” suck their dick if they were so against such things? I swear, one guy said, “So they will know what a real man is like!” What the fuck…? Okay… so these rabble-rousers aren’t really as homophobic as they say they are – they’re just faking the funk and not really a threat to anyone. But the true homophobes? Just being around these guys was scary and their religion-based ravings often had me wondering about their sanity and more so when some would easily say that if some fag even thought about hitting on them, the fairy would be killed and they wouldn’t lose any sleep over it because, in their point of view, all sinners like fags and fairies and bull dykes should be put to death.
Women weren’t left out, either. It was just astonishing to hear men plastering the “lesbian” label on a woman – and usually because if she’s not just gonna give up the pussy to any man who asks for it, well, she must be one of those dyke bitches and a man-hater… even if the woman in question was, in fact, very much straight. Oddly enough, the butch lesbians that were known of – those women made no bones about them hating dick and loving women – were kinda feared more than “hated;” they’d get talked about behind their backs but even those macho motherfuckers wouldn’t get into a confrontation with one and more so since most of the legit butch lesbians were known to carry a few straight razors and had no compunction against using them if they felt it necessary.
I eventually got to the point where I’d hear this shit and just tune it out but I’d devote a little brain power to giving this behavior some thought so I was beginning to see this “clearly” in two ways: Fear and plain old macho blustering and posturing. It became apparent that the real homophobes were they way they were merely out of the perceived “threat” to their masculinity and such a threat to them – real or otherwise – was just some very scary and fearsome shit to them. If I had a dollar for every time I heard a real homophobe say, “If some dude tried to fuck me, I’d (add something violent here)…” I’d be rich beyond the dreams of avarice. I came to understand that some dudes were homophobic because someone really did fuck them or otherwise “take their manhood” from them so for them, their hatred and fear was very real; with some dudes, well, all they were really doing was parroting the very ancient prejudices against any man who’d lie down with another man that were handed down from generation to generation and then because of their fervent belief in the biblical laws against this in the Old Testament. Some were made to be homophobic; in some families, if a boy showed any “feminine” signs or even any sympathy toward gay folks, they’d get their asses kicked until they toed the line and was able to spout the homophobic rhetoric verbatim. One guy told me once, “I don’t really hate gay people but if I don’t act like I hate them, I’ll get my ass kicked something fierce!”
Which brings us to the present. Anyone with at least a sixth grade education should know that a phobia is a fear of something so the biphobic and homophobic trash talking that’s flying around all over the place is based on fear. The rhetoric is laced with almost every fearful fact that can be brought to bear – HIV/AIDS is the most popular and statistics about mental illness and suicide rates are spun to make it look like if you’re bisexual/homosexual, not only are you crazy but you’re gonna off yourself at some point because you’re crazy and that’s because you’re not straight. Some continue to do their best to instill the fear of God into anyone who isn’t straight, hammering us with religious dogma and insisting that our souls will be damned to hell for all eternity because anyone who isn’t straight just upsets the natural order of things.
Maybe it’s just me (again) but what these phobic people are talking about isn’t as important as the reason why they’re doing it – what are they afraid of? Does it make sense for anyone to have this phobia and more so when, probably in most cases, they have a phobia that got handed down to them somewhere along the line? They have this phobia because someone somewhere and at some time told them that they’re supposed to have it is also a possible reason for their behavior as well; does it make sense to be told to fear a homosexual man when no homosexual has given you an actual reason to be afraid of them? I’ve come to understand that for some folks, homophobia and biphobia are irrational fears – they’re afraid without really understanding why they are, i.e., no homosexual or bisexual has done anything to them (or tried to) in order to instill this fear into themselves. Some do have a reason… but then you see that unbelievable mindset that if one homosexual/bisexual is bad, all of them are bad and this perception is held onto and the truth is summarily ignored. Even if you can get them to agree that, no way, all homosexuals/bisexuals aren’t bad, they will continue to believe that they are… and you just gotta ask yourself why.
I don’t get offended anymore because it doesn’t make sense for me to get offended and more so when I’ve learned, from my many confrontations in this, that the folks pitching a bitch against bisexuality really don’t know what they’re talking about. They think they have all the facts and there’s just no way that they could and, perhaps, it’s just easier for them to look at homosexuals/bisexuals as the boogeyman and instead of confronting their fears and conquering them, they choose to run away and remain frightened.
I’ve had to bear witness to this and it’s a damned ugly thing to witness and it’s just amazing that despite all of the information available today, this fear continues to persist and to the point that, today, there are so many people suffering from this phobia that they’re in total denial that bisexuals even exist in the first place, holding onto their fears about this even though the facts say otherwise. And, get this: They say we’re the ones with and causing the problem?