The title of today’s thoughts was a question asked of me by someone who knew I was bisexual. It’s a good question and I recall sitting and thinking about how best to answer the question because while I know the answer – and, at the least, how it pertains to me – a lot of what’s so good about being bisexual is intangible.
“The sex is the first and most obvious answer,” I said after a long moment. “I mean, you really get to understand what the deal is about sex when your understanding goes beyond just having sex with women.”
“There’s got to be more to it than that,” they said in a challenging tone.
“There is,” I said, nodding. “A lot of what’s good about being bi is that sense of… freedom and being liberated from the common perceptions and ideas about interacting with people. I don’t know about anyone else, but being bisexual allows me to see many side of a situation and, I guess, in more detail; I know you don’t have to be bisexual to look at things like this but I think it helps me, ya know?”
“Sucking some dude’s dick is some nasty shit, man,” the guy said; I could tell by the look on his face that he was baiting me, trying to get me to get all defensive.
“You know, the funny thing about that is you wouldn’t even think that it was nasty if some chick was sucking on your dick,” I said, thinking that, okay, you wanna play? Let’s play… “As a matter of fact, if a woman who you took to bed didn’t suck your dick, you probably wouldn’t be happy with her, would you?” That made him sit back in his seat and a little smile crossed my face because I just hit him with something he probably never gave any thought to.
“But that’s different,” he said.
“Is it really?” I asked, putting a little more pressure on him. “A blow job is a blow job no matter who’s giving it, wouldn’t you agree?”
“Yeah, uh, I mean, no! Only women suck dick!” he sputtered, looking all nice and uncomfortable at having his perceptions challenged.
“Is that right?” I asked.
“Aw, shit,” he said, shaking his head as he realized that he walked right into the trap I’d set for him. “But, okay, yeah, you’re right, but, um…”
“There is no “but” about it,” I said. “See, when you’re bisexual, you get to see beyond what’s commonly accepted when it comes to sex. Women don’t have sole possession of cock sucking. You, just like so many other dudes, think that it’s a woman’s job to do that – and women have a different thought or two about that – but it’s obvious – it should be obvious – that women aren’t the only folks who like to suck dick. You see that, don’t you?”
“Yeah, but, what about that getting fucked in the ass shit?” he asked, trying to get his “feet” back under him.
“What about it? How many women have you fucked in the ass? How many women have you wanted to fuck in the ass?” I pressed. “See, again, you just assume that a guy wouldn’t want to be fucked and the reason why is so obviously simple – because it feels good to be fucked. Now, I know you ain’t gonna tell me that it doesn’t feel good to fuck someone, are you?”
“Naw,” he said slowly – I was pretty sure he wasn’t liking this assault on his sensibilities but, hey, don’t ask me questions you really don’t want to hear the answers to. “But, um, well, um, you know shit comes out of there!”
“Duh,” I said, rolling my eyes. “Other than that, what’s your point? You stick your dick in some babe’s pussy and I’ll bet you have no idea what’s going on all up in there because if you did, um, you probably wouldn’t stick it in there. But that’s not really the point, is it? What fucks with your head is that sex doesn’t mean what you think it means… or what you think it should mean.”
“But guys into that shit act like bitches!” he said – and I just gave him one of those looks.
“Do I look or act like I’m a girl?” I said. “Dude, I’m bisexual, not gay, and there isn’t one feminine thing about my behavior – and I thought that would be obvious, too, since I didn’t just meet you yesterday or some shit like that.”
“I didn’t mean to offend you,” he said; I was enjoying his embarrassment.
“I’m not offended at all – but you’re reacting to this just like a lot of people do and because you have this perception about sex that, at best, is inaccurate,” I said. “The difference between me and you is that I’m not particular about who I have sex with; if it’s a woman, fine, but if it’s a dude, that can work, too.”
“I couldn’t do that shit,” he admitted.
“Most people couldn’t but for those of us who can, that’s one of the things that’s good about being bisexual,” I said. “Y’all think this is some fucked up shit and get all biblical about not doing it and all that other crap… and it’s not accurate because men have been doing men – and women have been doing women – for so long that no one knows who did it first. All that aside, man, that we can do it both ways is an example of being sexually liberated and having your thoughts expanded…”
“Man, this shit is kinda deep,” he said and in a way that I sensed he was trying to wriggle out of the conversation.
“It is deep,” I agreed. “Being bisexual doesn’t make me a bad person; I’m not some kind of freak or anything like that but, yeah, I understand some shit that you and a lot of other people don’t or can’t understand – no offense meant, of course.”
“None taken but, uh, can we talk about something else?” he asked.
“Sure – just remember that you asked the question; I can see the answer has made you uncomfortable,” I said. “The sex can be mind-blowing either way but it’s the deeper levels of understanding a lot of things about yourself and other people which, to me, makes being bisexual a good thing more than a bad one.”
“So, uh, like, if I were to ask you to suck my dick, would you do it?” he asked – and, yeah, I had been waiting for this one.
“Maybe,” I said honestly.
“Why just maybe?” he asked.
“Because your head ain’t in the right place; I wouldn’t do it because I wouldn’t want you to freak out or something like that. But, I know you didn’t ask that question because you want me to suck your dick – you asked because you think that just because I suck dick, I’ll suck any dick I come across – and that’s not true.”
“Damn – how you know that?” he asked, blinking in surprise.
“That’s pretty much what everyone thinks – and I knew you’d ask,” I said, shrugging like it was no big deal.
“Man, you’re something else,” he said, getting up from his seat and stretching and, you betcha, giving me a good look at the erection he was sporting – now, where did that come from, hmm?
“I’m not special, just different,” I said, getting to my feet as well. “So I gotta jet; thanks for the coffee and the talk and I’ll catch you later!”
As I walked down the street, I thought about that guy’s reaction which, to me, was so typical of people who think being bisexual is purely about the sex; he got a lesson that I hoped taught him that the sex is a damned good perk hands down… but there is so much more to being bisexual… and that’s what so good about it.