Today’s Bisexual Thoughts: When It’s Not Enough

11 Apr

One of the many knocks against bisexuals is that we’re all cheaters by default or design and driven to cheat because our addiction to same-sex compels us to be unfaithful when we’re in a relationship.  The truth is, yeah, there are some bisexuals who cheat… but not all bisexuals are gonna do this and, of course, the people who’d point this out to everyone manages to neglect mentioning that straight and gay folks can be just as  guilty of cheating – how convenient, right?  Anyway, I’m not going to dispute the fact that there are bisexuals who find reason to cheat on their partners but, as with so many things, it’s not that they’re cheating:  It’s why they’re doing it.  A lot of people will just focus on the fact that the cheating is taking place; I guess to them “why” doesn’t matter because  there’s no excuse for  it and, well, that’s just a really screwed-up way to think because if you don’t know why, you don’t have all the facts of the matter and, oh, yeah, as far as I can tell, no one ever cheats without a reason… even if the reason doesn’t make sense to the person who got cheated on.

I’d go as far to say that a bisexual cheater is “guilty with reason,” not that their reason is going to be seen as valid but, again, if you don’t know the reason, you don’t have all the facts.  Next question:  “So what are the reasons?”  I’m glad you asked that!  Let me tell you what I know…

I’ve known bisexual men to step out on their female partners for a lot of reasons, from not getting enough sex from her to having that emotional affinity for men.  From the many men I’ve talked to over the years, the number one complaint has been, “She won’t suck my dick!” or “She won’t suck me off!” and it’s a situation that gets kinda compounded (and is a double standard) when she insists that homeboy should always have his head between her legs and for however long it’s going to take to drench his face in pussy juices.  It is true that they could always go find another woman who’d be willing and able to (a) blow him and (b) finish him off on a regular basis (read that as not sucking him off because it’s his birthday or something like that).  Some of the guys I know who have stated this reason for cheating have told me that while they could cheat with another woman, eh, he could very well find himself in the same situation he was trying to rectify by stepping out… but it’s almost common knowledge that if you can get a guy to do it, you stand a very good chance of getting sucked off.  And, no, this isn’t true all of the time but, yeah, even I’d say a guy’s chances to get sucked off by another guy are pretty damned good.

I’ve talked to men who have told me that their woman was so funny about sex that, sometimes, having sex with her was almost like trying to have sex with a dead body; sometimes, they get relegated to the missionary position only, or there are other things and quirks about the woman that makes having sex with her less than exciting.  Now, I know some guys have stepped to other men for sex because homey wants to have anal sex with his woman… and she ain’t even trying to hear any of that and more so if cuz is very well-endowed and, yeah, it might sound selfishly fucked up but I’m just the messenger.  I’ve talked to men who have admitted that sex with their women just couldn’t be better – girlfriend is just the bomb shit in bed – but it’s still not enough or, as one guy told me, “I’ve done everything I can do with a woman so I guess doing it with a guy is next on the list…”

Yes, any of  these can be seen as not being a reason to cheat… but one always has to consider that just because you think it’s not a valid reason, that doesn’t mean the guy who cheated didn’t think so.  One can easily invoke, “If you don’t take care of your man, someone else can and will” but, of  course, it all depends on what “take care of your man” means to the parties involved – men have one  idea of what this means, women have an entirely different idea  and, besides, once girlfriend tells you that she is never gonna do something, no amount of begging and pleading is going to change it.  Now comes the problem and it’s a universal one as well as not being sexuality related:  When you’re in a relationship and the rules of monogamy are in play and your sexual needs are not being met, you’re fucked and never in a good way; on top of that, you are pretty much told to like it or lump it – if girlfriend is making him unhappy in bed, well, too bad, and the only thing you can do is dump her and move on.  So, normally, a guy in this situation has two options:  Settle for being unsatisfied or leave… but there’s always that third option because whether you agree or not, leaving the relationship isn’t always in anyone’s best interests but staying is… but something has to be done because, again, like it or not, cheating is “better” than being made celibate.

And if this sound familiar to why women cheat on their partners, it should:  This whole mess doesn’t discriminate in any way.  Yes, it can destroy a relationship… but any kind of sexual “dysfunction” in the relationship can be a hell of a lot worse.  A lot of bi guys will step to the DL because they need dick (or ass) and if they’re with a woman – good in bed or not – it’s pretty damned obvious that she cannot give him what he needs so the choices here are simple:  Do without it and subject yourself to a lot of mental/emotional stress… or step to the side to get it.  And while conventional behavior says that the bi guy in a relationship just has to settle for not getting any dick, his reasons for going out to get some are deemed invalid and just plain wrong… but I’d have to say that ya might not understand or even care about how this affects people – and I say people so I can include bisexual women as well:  Those of you who have never felt the bisexual urges really have no idea how powerful they are or how being denied this can really fuck with someone’s head and even make a person’s self-preservation mode kick in.

I’ve sucked a lot of dicks belonging to men in a relationship; some have been like me and had permission to get the dick they need but many couldn’t get permission from their woman if they paid her for it.  And while these guys would be judged and found guilty for what they’re doing, I’ve never judged them – but, yeah, I’m biased like a motherfucker because I understand why they’re doing what they’re doing.  Yep, it’s wrong to act in this without permission and it’s not as if these guys don’t know it – they just take the stand that they don’t have much in the way of choices when it comes to this and, no, going without dick isn’t an option for them.  Like I said earlier, I’ve had guys tell me that they reason why I’m sucking their dick is either their woman doesn’t suck dick, does it in some token, disinterested way, and wouldn’t get him off like that for any reason.  Some guys have correctly said that girlfriend is well within her rights… but that doesn’t make his need for this to go away and, oddly enough, many of these men don’t see cheating with a guy for sex as a “bad thing;” to them, if they were to cheat with another woman, well, that would be bad and he’s not gonna do that.

Yeah, okay – you’re gonna read that last thing and say, “Cheating is cheating!” and you’re right… and you’re missing the point and more so if you couldn’t think of a single reason why you’d take a step to the side.  Even I’ve said that this is some cock-eyed thinking but if you understand how people can justify anything they do, it makes sense that a guy wouldn’t ever cheat on his woman with another woman… but having a 69 party with another dude is okay.  And, yes, bi ladies, there are guys who believe that if you sleep with a girlfriend, you’re not cheating unless you hop the fence and go fuck the guy next door.

It creates one hell of a dilemma for bi guys and you should note that there are many bisexual men who just will not cheat on their partner – ever; for them, taking care of their need for dick via cheating just ain’t worth it… but, yeah, you should also note that there are bi men and women who have reason to believe that it is worth it.  You don’t have to agree with this premise – you are just invited to understand the dynamic that’s in play here for this.  Yes, it sounds as if I’m blaming women for this but I do know that it’s not always the woman’s fault that her man is out there having fun with a dick in his ass; I’m just telling you what other men who are “guilty”of this have told me.

The problem is, again, universal; it is one of the downsides to being monogamous and that people run into “bad”sexual situations with their partner is a known condition.  But when you’re not (a) getting enough or (b) cannot get what you want or need, um, what do you do?  Bisexuals can have it bad because they might want or need something that an opposite sex partner just isn’t equipped to provide which, depending on who you’re talking to, is an epic relationship failure because, sure enough, your partner cannot be all that you will ever need and what you’re telling your partner is that if there’s something you need that I can’t or won’t give you, it sucks to be you – live with it or be on your merry way for all I care.  I have wondered, at times, that if, say, “Sally” knew that she could keep her man from cheating on her (with anyone) and all she had to do was suck him off “regularly,” why won’t she do it?  The answer is simple:  “Sally” doesn’t have to do anything she doesn’t want to do and if you try to make her do it, heh, you could be looking at some jail time or, worse, you’re gonna find yourself living with someone who now has reason to despise you.  This is all well and good… but it begs another question:  If “Sally” invokes her right not to do it and in her man’s opinion, this is really fucking things up, why would she get pissed off if he went out and let “Pete” suck him off?

It’s the question of, “If you’re not gonna do (add something here), then who’s supposed to?”  The conventional answer is, “Nobody!” but this is an answer that can be unacceptable to a bisexual… or anyone else for that matter.  In closing, cheating is just universally forbidden; it is believed that the person feeling deprived has to either accept being deprived or dissolve the relationship.  But, like I said way back in the beginning of this, if dissolving the relationship isn’t the best thing to do (for either person), what do you do?  What can you do?


Posted by on 11 April 2015 in Today's Bisexual Thoughts


Tags: , , , , , ,

5 responses to “Today’s Bisexual Thoughts: When It’s Not Enough

  1. Ellen

    12 April 2015 at 01:31

    Those bi cravings are a bitch. My husband won’t go down on me. He said I could have a girlfriend. But…..even with his permission, it’s still cheating to me. And I don’t want to cross that line.


    • kdaddy23

      12 April 2015 at 01:45

      Many won’t or can’t… but the truth is that many find that they have to or their sanity becomes threatened. There’s a lot of people other than me that’ll tell you that if you have permission, it isn’t cheating – it’s ethical non-monogamy; the “intent” isn’t to harm your partner or anything like that but it’s a special freedom that, it a bisexual in a relationship can negotiate, would solve a world of problems.

      And I know a few people with permission who hasn’t taken advantage of it – and that’s fine. They’ve told me that they’re saving it for the right person – and this is fine, too.

      Bottom line: we do what we have to do and if that includes a bit of a side-step, so be it because for some, to not do it leads to an even darker place…


      • Ellen

        12 April 2015 at 01:48

        I kind of think my thing is that I don’t want to just do it with anyone. I want a certain person, but I can’t have her, so I’d rather do without.


      • kdaddy23

        12 April 2015 at 01:55

        Like I said, we do what we have to do and sometimes what we do is nothing. See, if I were in your place, I wouldn’t wait on someone I could never have – life is way too short. I probably wouldn’t like not waiting, but my peace of mind (read sanity) is more important and as you have learned, those damned desires just do not go away.

        We all have to handle our business and in the best way possible; I’ve learned that folks will break the rules because they have to be broken – or else.


      • Ellen

        12 April 2015 at 02:00

        My desire for female sex was pretty strong, even just a few months ago. I still want to experience it, but I’m ok if I don’t. Having sex won’t change who I am as a person, but it would change the dynamics of my marriage. And I don’t want that to happen. We just recently got back on solid ground as far as our marriage is concerned.

        I’m sure if I really wanted to have sex, I could. But it isn’t a concern for me right now. I need to focus on who I am right now, and not on the cravings I did have.



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