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Today’s Bisexual Thoughts: Does Gay Porn Impact Bisexual Guys?

19 Apr

I would say that the answer to this question is yes and I’d go on to say that it does in both good and bad ways.  Good because a guy who has never had sex with another guy can see what the deal is… bad because it can portray things that aren’t what I’d call “par for the course.”  It can depict the, ah, diversity of gay sex – and, at this point, I’ll remind ya that it is gay sex in case you’re of a mind that it isn’t – but it does so in settings that can make me say, “Um, I wouldn’t do that…”

Gay porn, like most porn, sends mixed messages and some that can make me – a guy who has had a lot of sex with men – nervous or even incredulous.  Like, last night, I saw a clip on Tumblr where this one guy was sitting astride another guy; the guy “on top” hauled off and slapped the shit out of the guy beneath him – and then started forcing the guy who got slapped to seriously deep-throat his dick.  I thought, “If homey had slapped me like that, he’d be in the hospital shortly after he did it…”

Another clip showed a dude who looked like he belongs on the FBI’s Most Wanted list wailing away in another guy’s ass… and with his hand wrapped around the throat of the guy being fucked and I said, “Okay, how is being fucked and choked a fun thing?”  And, yes, I thought about how badly I’d hurt someone who tried to choke me during sex; it’s bad enough being man-handled but, at least for me, that “foot on the neck” thing can tell a guy who has never had the sex some pretty fucked up things, like it’s SOP when having sex with another man.  Indeed, it didn’t escape me that porn is depicting the same kind of behavior with guy-on-girl sex and, at least to me, that’s disturbing because there are too many people out there who’d believe that just because they saw this on porn, well, this must be the way to do the nasty with anyone.

I realize that my own preferences and biases tend to creep in when I see these things but I’ve also realized that, over the years and with all the gay porn I’ve ever seen, I’ve never seen a situation where I’d say to myself, “God, I wish that was me doing that!”  Then again, I’ve been in enough sexual situations with men to have learned what I’d put up with and what would get the other dude in near-mortal danger… but when I put myself in the situation where I’m thinking about having my first time at this (and that’s not hard to do), I’m pretty sure I wouldn’t use gay porn as an educational tool.  The bad part is that, in thinking like a first-timer, if I just wanted to see what it looked like, gay porn is pretty much the only way to see it without having to be involved directly.

I’ve talked to men in the past who were disturbed that no one would want to have sex with them because they weren’t born with a ten-inch sledgehammer between their legs and I’ve asked them, “What makes you think you need a big dick?” and they’ve all said, “Well, I saw this gay porn flick…” and not only are they buying into the “bigger is better” thing but they believe that not having a big dick disqualifies them for having sex with a man.  I can’t recall precisely how many times I’ve talked to a guy about having sex and he’s apologized for only having a five-inch dick when hard… or how many times I’ve been told that if I didn’t have at least seven inches or more, I wasn’t worth talking to.  Yeah… and they say women can be size queens, right?

I reasoned that if there are some forms of gay sex that’ll make my skin crawl or put me into a defensive frame of mind or will make me say, “What the fuck?” then some guy looking to have his first time with this just might be dissuaded from taking the plunge – and I’ve been around the block a few times with this stuff.  Now, I’m not gonna say that some dude might find the acts depicted in gay porn not to their liking; some guys who’ve never thrown down like this do have an idea of how they’d want it to happen for their first time and watching it brings what they’ve imagined to life; I’ve certainly talked to first-time guys who’ve asked me if I would, say, tie them up, pretty much beat the shit out of them, and then fuck them like I was an animal.  I’ve had first-time guys tell me that they want to be totally dominated and made to submit and the more humiliating I can make it for them, they better they’d like it.  This ain’t me at all… but when I’ve asked them what put this idea in their head, yep, it got there because of some gay porn they watched.

I’ve had guys ask before the fact, “Um, you’re not gonna kiss me, are you? and, yep, I’ve told them no but have asked why they thought I would even try to and, uh-huh, they’ve referenced gay porn as the reason why they’re so concerned about this.  I’ve had guys ask me if I was gonna bust a nut in/on their face or cum in their mouth and, again, they’ve cited gay porn as the source of their concern.  And, yes, I’ve had many guys looking to have their first time ask me if I was gonna fuck them and gay porn has once again be cited as the source of their fears; one guy asked, “Well, isn’t it always about fucking the other guy?”

Uh, no, not necessarily… but if you believe what you’re watching to be the “gospel” of men having sex with men, it can be very misleading and, for some, very discouraging when that first time is being contemplated.  Sure, it can look like tons of fun… until you actually do it; I often think that some guys don’t think about the fact that if they’re watching gay porn, they’re watching something that’s been scripted and someone’s idea of what’s erotic, sensual, sexy, etc..  I think it escapes them that they’re watching actors and that whatever they’re watching may or may not reflect a real-life situation.  Yep, it’ll show you what can be done but I’d caution any first-time guy to not believe that anything they might see watching gay porn should be done to themselves or to some other guy.  I guess we tend to believe what we see and, often, without giving much thought about what we’re seeing or even why we’re seeing it.  You can watch some gay porn that’ll make you think and/or believe that it’s easy to, say, get a straight guy to have sex with you… and it is… when you’re watching porn – try it in real life and find out what’ll happen.

Gay porn, in my opinion, sends a lot of wrong messages and, yeah, if I was a bi guy looking to have my first time, I wouldn’t use gay porn as a primer or a “how-to” guide.  I’m not saying that a newbie couldn’t learn something from watching gay porn – I would, however, say that they shouldn’t take what they’re watching as a matter of course, that what you see on the screen is what always takes place… and they sure as hell shouldn’t try to emulate what they’ve seen and to the degree that’s being portrayed.  It’s not easy to suck dick; likewise, it’s not easy taking a very big dick in your ass.  Not every man you might have sex with wants to be treated like he’s your bitch and few men want to be treated like one.  Not every man wants to be humiliated or even emasculated, taken “by force,” taken roughly, or even in some imagined “romantic” way.  It’s not a requirement to be leather-clad or to wear jock straps instead of regular underwear and, fuck no, having a dick that hangs down to your knees when soft isn’t some dyed-in-the-wool requirement.

Gay porn kinda tells you that it is and, yeah, I do believe that it can impact bisexual men and in some not-so-good ways…

 
2 Comments

Posted by on 19 April 2015 in Today's Bisexual Thoughts

 

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2 responses to “Today’s Bisexual Thoughts: Does Gay Porn Impact Bisexual Guys?

  1. Pua Nani

    19 April 2015 at 15:35

    A lot of the issues that you bring up for guy porn are resonant with the issues women regularly confront in relation to straight porn. Or maybe I should say men and women, as I’m sure men struggle with these issues to. While I understand that people get off on all kinds of things, I have heard that the majority of straight porn involves women being roughly handled, insulted, humiliated and dominated. The mainstream of porn embraces the notion that hot sex equals violence and degradation. While even I may find that erotic sometimes within a certain context, I mostly appreciate being honored, respected, loved within a consensual sexual encounter. I’m sure there are a lot of people who feel that way and I wish porn was generally more oriented towards that positive interaction given that so many people engage with it on a day to day basis and allow it shape their feelings and desires so completely

    Like

     
    • kdaddy23

      19 April 2015 at 16:00

      I agree. I can watch gay porn – cock sucking is such a hot thing to see… but it’s often depicted in a way that even as experienced as I am doing it, I’d never do some of the shit I’ve seen, like deliberately trying to choke someone with my dick – and I sure as hell wouldn’t want some dude doing that to me.

      It’s not as real-life as some folks might believe it to be – and that can be very dangerous and damaging to a guy looking for his first time.

      Liked by 1 person

       

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