Today’s Bisexual Thoughts: Seeing It For What It Is

23 Apr

While looking at a clip on Tumblr (yes, again) of a Black dude dick-deep in a white dude’s ass, I felt myself taking a step back and thinking that there are a lot of people who would look at this clip and say, “Ew!  Why are those dudes doing that shit!?” and I thought, “Why, indeed?”

I asked myself a question:  Why would that Black dude want to be fucking that guy?”  Then I asked, “What’s making the white guy want to be fucked in the first place?”  Like before, this might seem like some rather rhetorical questions… but bear with me, if you will.  I thought that one could easily assume that both men in the clip were gay at the most, bisexual at the least… but my mind wasn’t on their sexuality; thoughts about that affinity some men can have for other men got set aside, not because it doesn’t factor into two men fucking each other but because for my observation, it was irrelevant.

I nodded to myself and said, “Hmm… the answer’s a lot more obvious than some folks might think because it’s really about the sex….”  I thought that anyone who has never been in this particular situation might have a difficult time associating what these two men were doing with the way they have sex with an opposite sex partner; they would have looked at the Black guy’s powerful ass in motion as he fucked into the guy on the bottom and, perhaps, would see it as being different from that same guy on top working his dick into and out of a woman (pussy or ass)… when, in fact, the only real difference is the recipient of the hard dick.  I thought, “Maybe homey doesn’t really care if it’s a man or a woman he’s fucking… as long as he’s fucking somebody?” because, as males, we do have that thing inside of us that compels us to fuck and to the point that, okay, any hole we can get our dicks into just works – it serves the purpose and preferences aside (just for the moment).

I thought about the guy on the bottom, his legs gaped wide and, in the clip, all you could see was the Black guy’s dick in the white guy’s ass and the dude’s flaccid dick and it occurred to me that he’s in the position he’s in simply because he likes being fucked and that, for guys anyway, if they’ve never been fucked, they wouldn’t understand what there is to like about it and I even thought that some women could look at this and kinda intuitively emphasize with the guy being fucked because they know what it feels like and what the thrill of it is – but still see what these men were doing as being different and even unappealing – and that’s because it’s not sex being done as we’re told it should be done.

Which doesn’t ever change the fact that it is sex and regardless to how one might feel about it.  As before, I sat and watched this clip in its entirety and was “rewarded” with being able to see the guy on top pumping sperm into the other guy’s ass and, yeah, watching a cock delivering its load, seeing it expand and contract, is just fucking erotic – but that was just an aside more than my focus at that moment; while the clip didn’t show the moment the top guy entered the bottom guy, seeing the end of the sexual act drove home the undeniable fact that what I was looking at was just sex.  I wasn’t thinking about romance – these guys could have been a couple and were expressing their “love” for each other in that tried-and-true way we all know about; they could have been just fuck buddies – no romance between them but the only emotion being shared was lust.  Again, I wasn’t “wondering” if they were gay or whatever:  I was just looking at it for what it was – one man fucking another man because it satisfied their respective needs.

As I observed, I noted and discounted – for the moment – the fact that there was this “prized” interracial thing going on – again; I discounted the note the person who posted the clip had written which said, “I wish that black bull had his BBC in me!” – that just made me roll my eyes and the “bull” connotation kinda irritated me for a moment and probably because a lot of these clips talk about “breeding” another man and, well, that’s just fucking impossible – but that’s just some of my bias about certain aspects of this coming to the front for a moment.  I wasn’t even thinking about the eroticism in the act I was watching, well, other than what I already mentioned – I was looking at it for exactly what it was.

What does this have to do with male bisexuality?  Everything… because how we look at the sex we may have with other men is important and more so when we’re trying to understand and make sense of our desires to have sexual congress with another man.  When you put back the many layers that I removed, it makes having the sex complicated; our preferences come into play as well as our feelings – lust, affection for men, or both – and I think we often can’t see the forest for the trees, as it were and, as such, might not really be able to see our desires in this as “just sex” since, for the most part, we have to develop some “complicated” reasons to get naked with another man and do whatever’s on the menu and reasons that allow us to “justify” why we’re doing this.

I don’t know if the guys in the clip engaged in any oral sex with each other; I don’t know if the white guy had a chance to fuck the Black guy, either and I had to take a moment to put my, ah, disagreements with “gay porn” back on the shelf because whether any of this happened isn’t really relevant to seeing what I saw for what it really is.  The color of their skins is irrelevant; the size of their respective dicks is irrelevant; whether any romance or other “idealistic” concepts were in play were also irrelevant and, yes, even the act displayed was one of those “top and bottom” or dominant/submissive things were deemed to be irrelevant – but the fact that these two men were having sex was relevant.

Why was the Black guy fucking the white guy?  Because it feels good to fuck someone.  Why was the white guy being fucked?  Because it feels good to be fucked.  If these men had oral sex before the fucking got started, why suck another man’s dick?  Because it feels good to do it; likewise, why let another man suck your dick?  See the previous answers… and it’s supposed to feel good to be doing any of this; otherwise, why do it at all and more so when in the case of two men, reproduction ain’t likely to be a legitimate reason?

When it comes to understanding why men want to have sex with other men, it helps to strip away all the “fluff” and look at it at the most simplest of levels – and by “fluff” I mean all and whatever notions we have about sex.  As I said, when you put back things like preferences, one’s viewpoint on sex, and even one’s methods of justifying having this kind of sex, yep, it gets complicated; I know that when I add in my “fluff,” my view of that clip gets… interesting, like, for instance, my not liking to be on my back when being fucked because I could never get my legs and hips to play nice in the missionary position and, yeah, just that one thing took away my “ability” to see the clip for what it was in an objective way.  Hell, even the automatic thought of knowing that I’ve been in both situations – the one doing the fucking and being fucked – made it “difficult”to see it as it really is although, yeah, I know what it’s like, what I’ve thought and/or felt in either position and some other shit that, in fact, allows me to be objective – as long as I’m not actively thinking of it.

It’s just sex… and something that almost everyone is compelled to have unless, of course, we convince ourselves that we really don’t need to have sex and more so since two men lying down with each other is so shameful; hell, there are still so many people who feel ashamed to have sex even when the sex is “normal.”  Being able to see it for what it is and without our “fluff” being applied can, I think, help bi guys (and maybe even bi gals) to get their heads around the sex and maybe even sex in general; it can help us to understand that despite the restrictions in place about who we can have sex with and why we should have sex with someone, at the end of the day, we’re human… and humans like have sex just because it’s sex – it is just the nature of us all and, yes, some of us learn that the line that’s drawn in the sand about sex doesn’t really mean a whole lot so it gets erased because it’s seen as an unnecessary boundary that gets in the way of sexual pleasure.

An afterthought…

It occurred to me, right after I clicked “Publish,” that if you’re a bisexual and just thinking about sex fucks with your head – and then because we have this “taboo” about talking about sex or even watching it in its many forms – being able to see a clip like the one I watched – and watching it objectively – just might help you get past this “don’t ever think or talk about sex like that!” thing that some of us have going on.  I know that this taboo tends to make people feel ashamed of themselves and more so when one’s desires are as “middle of the road” as a bisexual might experience and, yeah, it can even make one convince themselves that their desires for the same sex aren’t really what they are and that because they do have these desires, they’re not supposed to have them.  Sure… the clip was “porn” but one must be able to set that aside as well in order to look at it for what it is.  While I wouldn’t suggest one look at porn and use whatever they’re looking at as a “how-to” kind of thing, porn does have some educational things in it… if you can look at the sex for what it is… and then see how what you’re viewing is relevant to your same-sex desires.  For instance, I can look at a clip of a guy sucking another guy’s dick and see it for what it is – a sexual act that’s been around for so long no one knows what or when two men discovered that sucking each others dick was pleasurable.  I can then add a bit of “fluff” and say to myself, “Yep, boy, do I like sucking dick and having my dick sucked, too!” and the significance here is that some bi guys can’t even think this because they can’t  see it for what it is; their thoughts get overlaid by the “standard” that men don’t suck dick and only women should be doing it and other moral things and, well, it can shame them something fierce.

If I’m watching a clip of one man fucking another – and since I have practically no hangups about sex – I can see it for what it is and see the dynamic in play when it comes to fucking and being fucked… but I can once again add my “fluff” and put it into perspective with my experiences and whatever desires might be hanging out in the gutter section of my mind so I can say to myself, “Yep, I’ve done that, it’s felt good, but I’ve found reason to not be much of a fan of anal sex these days unless some certain exceptions are met…” and do so without one bit of shame or self-recrimination for merely thinking about it – because I can see it for what it is and my “moral hangups” have been negated or even eliminated because at the end of the day – and regardless to why I’d so this or this – it’s still just sex.

Then I forgot to add this:  If you’re going to “explore” your sexuality, then explore the hell out of it and, yeah, to the nth degree.  I’m not sure how any bisexual can truly understand their sexuality if they can’t or won’t look at the sex for what it is and then in whatever context that might apply to them.  It’s not really about doing it – if you can, more power to you and be safe while you’re at it – but it is about that crucial understanding that, in order for a bisexual to be comfortable with being bisexual.  I know man-on-man sex can make some folks squeamish and so much that we can’t think about it, let alone see it being done or, gasp!, do it but this is something that, at least in my opinion (and for what that might be worth to ya), must be conquered; to be a “comfortable” bisexual, you just have to be able to change your mindset about sex…

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Posted by on 23 April 2015 in Today's Bisexual Thoughts


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