It’s not all that unusual to run into a guy who’ll say, “I’ve never done anything like this before!” and he might find himself uncertain about doing whatever’s been put on the table. It’s not all that unusual to run into an experienced guy who might say, “I’m not sure if I really wanna do this…” Hell, I’ve said it at times because something might be telling me that even though jumping into a very hot 69 with a guy would fit the bill nicely, eh, it might not be… or it’s not what I really want to do even though everything else is telling me, “Yeah, go ahead – suck that dick! You know you want to!”
It’s one thing to have firmly in your mind that (a) you want to have sex with another man and (b) when opportunity knocks, you might break a leg answering… and you’re totally gung-ho to indulge yourself, and something else to get to that moment and find yourself uncertain. It’s weird how you can go from being so sure that this is what you want to do that it makes your dick very hard before you even see the other guy and then, in the next split second, you just aren’t sure any longer. Honestly, I’ve never been able to figure out what happened in those times when I felt uncertain – I just was. I asked myself if I was afraid of something and, nope, nothing scary going on here; I’ve asked myself if there was something about the other guy that was maybe subliminally off-putting but, no, I’m getting nothing but good vibes from him. Am I horny for some dick? Check and double-check!
So what’s making me feel uncertain about diving right in as planned? I did wonder, for a few, whether that moral part of me could have been responsible because it just doesn’t have anything better to do than to remind me that I’m not supposed to have anything to do with a dick that ain’t attached to me and, really, I don’t even know why it feels to tell me this when it should know that I’m going to ignore the reminders and warnings about the “no dick” policy.
In less-experienced guys, yeah, I can understand them being uncertain; in theory, having sex with another man looks good and doable”on paper” but when facing the moment of truth – and that can be getting naked or otherwise exposing yourself to the other guy just as much as you’ve gotten past the naked part and now there’s a cock right in your face – literally and/or figuratively and now, um, that theory we were so sure of seems to have a lot of holes in it. Outside of this, I dunno… perhaps it is one’s conscience making them feel shaky about actually doing what they were thinking about doing. And, no – it doesn’t always pop up before the fact, either…
I’ve been sucking on a guy’s dick and that “voice” will suddenly say, “You know, maybe we really don’t want to keep doing this…” which is weird since, before the voice spoke up, I was having a rather nice time, thank you very much. Back when I was very much into fucking, the voice would wait until I was all lubed up and pressing my knob into a guy’s ass and then suggest that I really don’t want to do what I’m about to do and, yep, it would really mess with me and wait until the guy fucking me already had his dick inside me and suggest that, hmm, maybe this wasn’t a good idea – and despite the fact that it felt pretty damned good going in. I learned to tell the voice, “Your objection has been noted – now, go away and let me have my fun, okay?” because, well, it’s not any fun to stop the action and tell the other guy that I’m no longer feeling any of it, sorry about that.
I’ve had guys become uncertain both before and during the fact and, yeah, it used to irk me to no end until I learned to be more understanding about it and, yes, ask him why; in those moments, a lot of them have said, “I just don’t feel right…” and sometimes they were able to tell me what wasn’t feeling right to them and, in other times, they knew what it was but just couldn’t explain it. And the best and closest I could some to figuring this out came in the form of, “I thought I really wanted to do this, but…” and the “punch line” was supplied by their conscience. It wasn’t that they didn’t feel safe; it wasn’t that they weren’t horny enough to dive in with me… but maybe – just maybe – the conditioning we receive about not having sex with men kicked in when it was best left on the sidelines until everything was over with.
Do all bi guys have this “voice” that’ll put the uncertainty card on the table? I can’t say that this is always true; however, it very well could be that they do hear this voice and they just ignore it (like I’ve done) and elect to deal with the matter after the fact. Yes, I’ve gotten all the way through the sex and have heard guys question whether they really wanted to do what we just did. The sex wasn’t bad or anything like that but ain’t it just weird to think that you didn’t really want to do something that you just got finished doing… and enjoying? Is the really our old friend Guilt making its presence felt because, again, having sex with another dude is just the wrong way to get your sexual jollies?
I’ll point out that this is different from that voice that’ll scream at you, “You shouldn’t be doing this!” – I’m pretty certain that this is one’s moral compass letting you know that you’re way out-of-bounds (you nasty motherfucker!) or you’ve picked up a vibe that’s so negatively strong that stopping or not engaging is warranted, like, “Danger, Will Robinson! Danger!” Naw… this thing I’m talking about isn’t about danger because, in your mind (and even your body), you want to do this – you might even have to do it – and you do whatever needs to be done to get it all set up… and out of the blue, you’re just not certain that you want to do it. Maybe you ignore it and get into it; maybe it has your attention for that moment but as things heat up, your certainty about doing it has been confirmed and verified… and maybe that sense of uncertainty is so strong that it just stops you from acting at all.
And I’ll be damned if I know why or what even causes it. I’ve had guys ask, “But what if you’re not sure you want to do it?” and it’s like, how can you not be sure that you do? It doesn’t seem likely since, in the majority of times, you’ve made a conscious decision to do it, right? Is it Guilt… or is it something else that you just can’t put a finger on?