Today’s Bisexual Thoughts: Best Advice

14 May

Just sitting here thinking about this and that when I asked myself a question:  “What’s the best advice you can give someone about bisexuality?”

The first thing that popped into my head was, “Don’t be in a hurry to do something about the way you feel.”  Now, whether you actually do something or not depends on a lot of things but I’d “advise” this because it’s more important that you get your head around bisexuality from a more intellectual point of view more than letting your hormones make you jump into the deep end of the pool… and you’re not all that sure what lies beneath the waters.

Think first… then act if you must.  Do some folks just dive right into the sex, giving in to the urge/impulse to do something and without giving any or much thought to why they’re about to act on their feelings?  Yeah, they do… and not everyone comes out the other side feeling as okay as they may have thought.  Society is all about what you’d do as a bisexual than it is about what you think.  Indeed, some aspects of society seems to think that bisexuals never think about what they’re doing; the get the urge to fuck and just do it mindlessly, not giving any thought about what they’re doing, potential impacts, and other important things and things that include figuring out why they feel the way they do.

I learned bisexuality the hard way and in a “dumb” way – I acted first, then thought about it all; thankfully, I learned the error of my ways and saw the necessity of someone being able to think first and not be in a damned hurry to have the sex that’s possible; since we all have to deal with the consequences of our actions, um, it might be useful to think about the consequences and their possible impacts before getting same-sex naked with someone.  Yeah… it’s just sex in that sense but the differences just aren’t physical – they’re emotional and while the physical act might not fuck with your head, the emotional impact can be devastating so even if you’ve been sexually active with women for a while, it’s best to be aware of how becoming sexually active with a man might impact you.

When you do think about it, do your best to keep it simple.  A lot of people are writing about how complicated bisexuality is and while I’d admit that it is a complex thing, it’s not really all that complicated unless, of course, you choose to make it complicated.  Invoking KISS (keep it simple, stupid) doesn’t mean that you’d be oversimplifying things – it’s about not making understanding your thoughts and feelings harder than it has to be.  Your best tool is gonna be your brain and information is more valuable than having a sexual experience because even in this, what you don’t know can fuck you up.

Having said that, should you rush to join up with your local/regional LGBTQ organization?  Well, that’s up to you… as long as you are fully aware of what you’re getting yourself into by joining up; I’ve read where some bisexuals joined up and were immediately disillusioned because some chapters are more about gay issues than any issues that might affect bisexuals.  Anti-bisexual sentiment has been reported within the LGBTQ ranks and you’d have to decide whether or not you have the patience and tolerance to deal with this.  Still, there could be useful information to be had but before you start worrying about the social impact of being bisexual, you still have to come to terms with being bisexual and deciding/defining what it means to you.

Should you immediately come out declare your bisexuality to one and all?  Um… I wouldn’t do that – and I’ve been out for a very long time.  If you’re married or otherwise hooked up with someone, do you have to tell them?  It’s a judgement call because you have to know whether you can tell them or not.  Some folks would disagree with this position and tell you that you have to tell them and no matter the risk of doing so and that the truth will set you free… and it could… but not the way you’d want.  You could lose everything you’ve built with them… or you might be okay after telling them and, honestly, if nothing else, you’re gonna learn something about your partner that you didn’t know before.  Can a partner be okay with bisexuality?  Yep, they sure can… as long as you’re not the bisexual in question, invoking a troubling double standard:  It’s okay for some other dude to be bisexual not it’s not okay for you to be bisexual because if you’re with her, you’re expect, required, and demanded to be all and only about her and her pussy.

I’m not suggesting that you don’t ever tell them – you just need to be 100% certain that you can tell them and then hope you’re gonna still be with them (and happy together) after you tell them and how that all works out depends on the person you’re with.  Now… if you tell them, does that mean you have to tell everyone?  Nope, not unless you have or really want to so don’t be in a damned hurry to tell the world that you’re something most folks don’t believe in or can’t abide by.

Take the time to get the answers to the questions that are bouncing around in your head about what you are sexually and what, if anything, you want to do about it.  Don’t believe the hype about being bisexual or fall victim to the stereotypes that abound.  No, you do not have to have a same-sex encounter to prove that you’re bisexual any more than you have to play house with a guy and have a loving relationship with him.  If you do have the sex, that’s fine and if you want to play house with a guy, okay, whatever works for you… but don’t buy into all the validation bullshit that’s flying all over the place – just be aware of it and then keep your own counsel where these things are concerned.

Accept your sexuality and then own it; define your sexuality and don’t let folks who aren’t bisexual define it for you or tell you that you can’t possibly be what you know yourself to be.  Stay true to yourself above and beyond anything else.

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Posted by on 14 May 2015 in Today's Bisexual Thoughts


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