I often make the point – or try to – that perception is very different from the truth, that what you see might not be what’s really happening or, as Obi Wan told Luke, “Your eyes can deceive you – don’t trust them.” So when you hear the word “bisexual,” what immediately comes to your mind? Would it surprise you that your perception might not be the whole truth?
It’s the thing that just cracks me up about folks who’ll go on and on about bisexuality… and more so when they’re not bisexual. There’s what they think it is… then there’s what a bisexual would tell you it is… and those two things aren’t going to be the same thing. I’m not saying that some of the stuff you may have heard about bisexuality isn’t true… but all of it isn’t… but I’ve always found it amazing that people will accept the perceptions easier than they’d accept the truth.
For instance, do all bisexual women want to be a part of a threesome? If you knew anything about women and how they think/feel about sex, you’d know that there’s little truth to this and if they do, they’re really the exception rather than the rule. Sure… we have porn to thank for this and, again, it often amazes me how someone can see actors acting and take this as the truth of things when reality says that, nope, um, not really. And if you don’t believe me, go ask your woman if she wants to have a threesome tonight and see what happens…
Do bisexual men just run wild and indiscriminately stick their dick into anyone available? Nope… doesn’t really happen like that but we see again that some people would rather believe the perception that we’re sex-crazed maniacs rather than the truth. Again, we can point to porn and “blame” it for some of the misconceptions and one could easily point the finger at the male compulsion to have sex as well… but the truth is actually very different. Sure, as a man, I wanna have sex all the time but the reality says it ain’t ever gonna happen like that – it can’t happen like that because not everyone has the same drive for sex that I do – and that goes for men and women in this.
The perception is that all bisexuals are all about the sex; the truth is, nope, not all of us. The perception is that bisexuals have emotional issues that contribute to their bisexuality and are at high risk for mental illnesses; the truth is, um, is there anyone who doesn’t have emotional issues that’s related to their sexuality or aren’t at risk of mental illness? We have this… thing about believing that if one does it, they all do it and I don’t pretend to understand this other than maybe we’re just willing to assume that, say, sucking dick is a default behavior for all men who have sex with men… and that just isn’t the truth. I’ve tried to “correct” this perception about bisexual men in those who want to believe the perceptions, only to have them tell me that I couldn’t possibly be right… and as if I’m not in the position to know that what they perceive isn’t the whole truth.
The perception is that all bisexuals are serial cheaters; the truth is that anyone and regardless to their sexuality can be a serial cheater. The perception is that bisexuals are incapable of being in a committed relationship; the truth is, wow, do you honestly believe that bullshit when this incapability can affect anyone? And the real question is why would you even believe this to be the truth? Why would believe that anything you’ve ever heard about bisexuality to be the whole truth and nothing but the truth?
The perception is that bisexuals are in some kind of denial about being just straight or just gay and just can’t make up our minds; the truth is, um, what… we can’t decide that we want to be straight and gay, or do you really and truly believe that it’s not possible for anyone to behave in both ways and not just in one way? Some of this is as ridiculous as the perception that all women – and white women in particular – suck dick or that Black men don’t eat pussy and all Black men have cocks that are nearly inhumanly big. The thing that always gets me is that we know that none of this shit is entirely true… but some of us would rather believe the perceptions than the truth.
All of this is why I caution folks to not believe the hype when it comes to bisexuality; just because there are, ah, certain behaviors exhibited by bisexuals doesn’t mean that all bisexuals exhibit them… or even want to. There are in fact, bisexuals who don’t want to have any of the sex that’s possible, just like there are bisexuals who are happily monogamous with their partner; there are bisexuals who have never had any illnesses other than the common cold and there are bisexuals who wouldn’t engage in a threesome if you paid them to do it – and especially bisexual women. And, yes, I even tell budding bisexuals not to buy into the perceptions and misconceptions they may or will hear because bisexuality just cannot be generalized any more than being straight or gay can be generalize into a gold standard of behaviors that will always be the truth of things.
Maybe some of us really can’t handle the truth and the perceptions just make us feel “better” about sexuality? I dunno…