I used to get into some pretty intense discussions about being bi – mostly with gay men – about whether or not I was really the duck I said I was. Some discussions were pretty intelligent while others eventually devolved into name-calling and “If I ever saw you on the street…” kind of shit… and all because some gay dude had the temerity to tell me that I wasn’t what I believed myself to be.
I’d ask them how it was possible that they could know this; I’d even ask them if they had some Vulcans in their family tree somewhere; and if this didn’t shut them up, I’d ask the to explain to me that if I’m really as gay as they’re telling me I am, why do I spend most of my time screwing women? Some of the replies to this, at first, used to piss me off… until I began to see how sadly pathetic their arguments were, from my being brainwashed into sex with women and forgetting my real calling in life to the classic, “You’re just confused!” statement and one dude told me that I just didn’t know any better (but he was more than willing to teach me).
Here’s the problem my then-gay detractors faced: If I tell you that I’m bisexual and that I’ve had more than enough experiences to prove this to myself, how can you tell me that I’m really gay and then insist that you know for a fact that I am… and more so when you don’t know me like that to begin with? Now, out of fairness, I must point out that not all gay men I came across (no pun) were so… combative; most were like, “Cool – whatever floats your boat!” and it was clear to me that they had a “to each his own” kind of mindset. But the others?
I was quite content to prove to them that their arms were way too short to box with me and let them wallow in their insular ignorance about something they had little or no experience with. On the one hand, I could easily see their belief in homosexuality being the “only way” for them; some guys were gay “right out of the box” while others eventually got to the right side of the scale (Kinsey, that is) via their own experiences. These were the guys who did, in fact, try to relate to women sexually and emotionally… and just utterly failed to make the connection. I’d spend time listening to these staunch protectors of homosexuality tell me how nasty women were, that they were all conniving, needy bitches and that the only thing they had going for them was that nasty, filthy, fishy smelling cunt between their legs and they just couldn’t imagine why any man would want to stick his dick in there.
Oh, like sticking your dick in another guy’s ass is a good thing? I’d ask them about this and, man, talk about doing some serious backpedaling! It was amazing to hear their justification in this and how it was supremely so much better a thing to do that stooping low and sticking in some bitch’s nasty-assed pussy (their opinion, ladies, not mine). If nothing else, I got a major education in how someone can so deeply believe in something that the truth has very little meaning to them. Because they’re gay, then any man who acts as if he is must be gay – he has to be gay because anything that has to do with women just doesn’t compute with them and I found it amazing that they could vehemently believe this to be the only truth… when it should have been clear that the truth, as they understood it, wasn’t true at all.
One guy I was having a particularly vicious conversation with pissed me off so badly that I asked him, “What do I have to do to prove to you that I’m bisexual – do I have to come to your house and fuck every woman there right in front of you – then tear you a new asshole – to prove my point?” Yep, he got pretty pissed off since he lived at home with his mom and sister – and wouldn’t you know he still insisted that I was really gay and in denial… oh, and a rotten bastard for saying that I’d fuck his mother and sister right in his face just to prove a point.
The defense rests. I learned about this before Jack Nicholson uttered those famous words: “You want the truth? You can’t handle the truth!” And, apparently, neither could the gay men who’d verbally fight with me and tell me that there’s just no way in hell I could like pussy and dick – no fucking way! One combatant actually called me a pervert, which had me laughing and more so since society – at the time – considered homosexuals to be perverts; if I’m a pervert, what the fuck does that make you? And, what’s very pointed to me is that I heard all of this shit way before people started “recently” saying that bisexuals don’t really exist. It points to an ongoing mindset – and, it appears, mostly by some homosexuals (but not all) and some straight folks (but not all) that continues to be prevalent. They don’t say that bisexuality is an anomaly, some ‘strange’ event in our sexuality that pops up every now and then; nope, bisexuality and bisexuals just don’t exist and, to some, it can’t exist…
And all because of their firm – and quite incorrect – belief that people are either straight or gay but never, ever both. I got into my first argument about this in the early 1980s so from my perspective, this argument has been going on for 35 years and it’s just amazing that even after 35 years, there are still a lot of folks who refuse to believe that bisexuality and bisexuals exist. And I can reasonably assume that this argument has been going on for a lot longer than I’ve been aware of it and is a part of that… whatever the fuck you wanna call it – thing we have that says if you’re not like us, you’re against us and since you’re against us, that makes you inferior to us. It’s shameful behavior and one that we continue to see politically, religiously, and sexually. Are there people who are straight? Well, duh, sure there are! Are there people who are homosexual? Yep, even though nowadays, it’s not all that easy to pick them out of a crowd – but they fuck with us about having some kind of privilege, right? Why doesn’t simple logic tell and prove to them that if there are straight people… and there are gay people… so there has to be some people who are straight and gay? Yes, one can argue the degrees between 0 and 6 (Kinsey, again) but, um, if you are, in fact, fussing about what’s between 0 and 6, why is believing in bisexuality so damned difficult for some folks? Come on, most people can count, can’t they? Last I heard – and despite all this insane new math I’ve been hearing about – 6 doesn’t immediately come after 0 so are these folks saying, in this example, that the numbers 1 through 5 don’t exist?
If this sounds patently ridiculous, then you see the point I’m trying to make here with this analogy…
Once upon a time, I used to fiercely defend being bisexual… until I eventually learned that for those hard-case folks, I’m just wasting my time because they will never change their minds or accept that homosexuality ain’t the only and right way for people to be, no more than those hard-case heterosexuals who believe that being straight is the only and right way to be. The tough part about being in the middle of all this is getting hammered from both sides; hah, it’s like being in a threesome that has gone horribly wrong. The thing that gets me is how I can see that there’s nothing wrong with being straight, gay, or bi… but there are so many other people who can’t see this or refuses to believe it – again, it just boggles the imagination and more so here in the 21st century.
I would fight against the insistence that I have to convert to being fully homosexual; I’d fight against their claims that I was really confused, brainwashed, and in great denial… and then I asked myself, “What’s the point to arguing this with them?” and learned that, nope, there isn’t a point… unless you like to watch people make total asses of themselves and about something they don’t know anything about or, really, they don’t know the whole story – they just know their part of it. Kinda shamefully, I don’t have much of a problem watching these people – and people who are more in denial than they say we are – make fools of themselves – I used to take a great deal of evil pleasure in it. I’d never start the fight… but I would finish it by asking them, “How is it possible that you know something about me that I don’t?” – and then sit back and watch them waffle all over the place and spouting dogma that, at least to me, has no basis in fact. Maybe it’s just their opinion… or maybe there’s something much deeper going on that just cannot allow them to see what I can easily see.
The defense rests, Your Honor. If someone doesn’t want to believe that I’m bisexual or that bisexuality doesn’t exist, that’s not really my problem since I happen to know that it does. I can offer “evidence” even if it’s just based on my experiences and, as such, they alone tell me that I’m not the only male bisexual… but can they offer up any solid evidence that I’m not what I say I am? I’ve come to think that they can’t – but they do try to and, honestly, it’s a very sad thing to witness. In this, some folks have failed to learn from history and, as they say, those who fail to learn are doomed to repeat it… and they say we’re in denial?
This concludes my rant…