I just read a couple of blogs written by someone who provided information from researchers who, apparently, believe that male bisexuality doesn’t exist… and I thought, “What kind of crazy-assed shit is that?” Hold on while I go back and get the URLs to what I saw…
Okay, here’s the first one I read: https://biperceptions.wordpress.com/2015/05/21/workplace-discrimination/ and the second is: https://biperceptions.wordpress.com/2015/05/20/gendered-experiences-of-bisexuality-men/
Okay, I know about this bisexual erasure bullshit and I still find it amazing that there are people who are arguing against something they say doesn’t exist. In my opinion, this isn’t the same as debating whether or not heaven or hell really exists; such things are taken on faith and no one wants to really find out if these places really do exist and if they do, um, to my knowledge, no one has ever come back to confirm this. Male bisexuality, however, isn’t like this and I guess the thing that continues to baffle the shit out of me is that I know that I’m not only male, but I am bisexual because even if no one else knows what I think and what I’ve done, I know it… but what are these people really saying? Are the insisting that because I’m not visible socially or to the media that I can’t exist and, really, what makes them think that bisexuals don’t exist in the first place?
What I see in this stuff is the perception that people are either heterosexual or homosexual and I think it’s damned good that they are doing a better job of recognizing homosexuality as a sexual identity. What I see in this stuff is some really narrow thinking and one could say that these perceptions of bisexuality are being based on either a heteronormative point of view or a homonormative point of view; because we don’t really behaving “solidly” in either viewpoint where sex, love, and relationships are concerned, this somehow means that we don’t exist as bisexuals?
Bullshit. Pure, unadulterated bullshit. I’ve yet to understand why there’s such a big push for bisexuals to come out and prove their sexuality and existence in this. I see what’s being said about this and I just cannot stop wondering why it has become so damned important for folks like me to stand up and be accounted for and more so since, more than likely, doing so would cause more personal harm than good. Society, such as it is, doesn’t mistreat me because I’m bisexual and, honestly, I’ve suffered more mistreatment simply because I’m Black. Now, I can’t “hide” the fact that I’m Black even if I wanted to… but if I don’t want the whole damned world to know that I’m bisexual, I don’t have to do that if I don’t want to and I don’t see a really seriously need to do so.
Okay… I can understand that bisexuality needs to be better understood but, oh, wait a minute… how can you better understand something that you say doesn’t exist? If you read that second blog I referenced, you can see my comment – provided the blog’s author doesn’t delete it, that is, but one of the things I said was that I’m sure that I could find a way to prove to these researchers that as a male bisexual, I do, indeed, exist.
I’m not pretending to be straight anymore than I am in some kind of denial about being gay; my sexuality isn’t just about who I might have sex with anymore than it has anything to do with having a same-sex relationship – exactly how hard is it to understand this? What exactly do I – or would I – have to do to prove that I am what I say I am at the social level? Oh… and why would I even want to? Sometimes, friends, I feel as if I’m seriously missing something here because I don’t pretend to understand this argument… but that’s because I know beyond any doubt that I’m male and bisexual and that I am this way intellectually, emotionally, and physically; I’ve spent the last 50+ years I’ve been behaving like this confirming this – I just have never stopped analyzing myself when it comes to this so, yeah, when I read something that keeps insisting that male bisexuality doesn’t exist, well, that just pegs my bullshitometer in the red zone.
It’s the thing that makes me wonder what bisexuals these naysayers have been talking to because they sure as hell haven’t been talking to me… or is this really a matter of some folks trying to impose their sexuality views in an area that has no fixed point, not like being straight or gay has and because that fixed point doesn’t really exist for us, that must mean to them that bisexuality – and male bisexuals – don’t exist? Really? Is that what they believe?
Now, none of this offends me because even if they don’t know, I know… but I am incredulous about something that, at least from my POV, is patently ridiculous; what the fuck do you mean that it can’t be proven that male bisexuality exists? Again, I ask what proof is required and then why is it required? Ya know, it’s hard enough for a guy to accept and further deal with the notion of his being bisexual… but then if it’s being insisted upon that he can’t be what he believes himself to be, do you suppose that his head might be further fucked up about his sexuality? I think it would… but that’s me.
What does media representation have to do with being bisexual? What does having a same-sex relationship have to do with being bisexual? Yes, I can see how and why they’d focus on who we might fuck as a “determining factor” but what about all those male bisexuals out there who believe themselves to be bisexual but have never had the sex… or don’t even want to? I mean, fuck, there are openly gay people and they catch all kinds of hell for it; likewise, there are closeted gay people but, uh, because there are so many closeted gays, can you say that gays don’t exist? No, you can’t, can you? It wouldn’t make any sense, would it? That’s just as crazy as saying there are no straight people.
One of those articles said that while people may have the potential to be bisexual – and I agree with this as a high level of thought – it’s whether they choose to act on whatever feelings they may have about this that can make a difference… as if what someone merely thinks about their sexuality doesn’t mean anything? Society is so myopically focused on doing more than what someone may think about this… but, um, how many people really want to see male bisexuals doing their thing? Why do they feel that bisexuality is just a waypoint on the road to full homosexuality? No offense to any homosexuals but I wouldn’t want to be fully homosexual as I find it very limiting – there’s no sexual diversity other than going from one man to another. Ah, but when you add – and I’ll be blunt – pussy to the equation, now you’re talking and, yes, bisexuality is more emotionally diverse and just because I’m not just attracted to men only or women only.
Why this is so hard for these people to understand just escapes me. Maybe it is me but I don’t see what all the fuss is about because at the end of any day, who I might be fucking isn’t everyone’s business; just because I’m not making a public/social scene about being bisexual just fucking does not mean that I’m not what I say I am. And, at least to me, logic suggests that if there are heterosexuals and homosexuals, there has to be bisexuals; otherwise, why does the word exist in the first place?
Y’all feeling me?