As the title suggests, I’m still bugging about this non-existence crap and I just felt another rant coming on. So… I was thinking about being a male bisexual and I know that the “sexual” part was thrust upon me after I “discovered” pussy and I spent more time having sex than I did thinking about why I was having sex in the way I was – action begat thought for me when, duh, I eventually learned that it’s better if thought begets action: Think first, then act if you must.
And, yes, this complicated and complex thought process took place within me… and with few people knowing why I had this on my mind; I was bisexual but not many people knew it and those who did know it – and, yes, you can read this as those people I had sex with in some way – respected my privacy in this enough to not let everyone in the damned state know that I was one of those guys who went both ways – and I thank them for that. So thanks to the combination of intellectual curiosity and actual experience, yup, the kid is bisexual even if I don’t exactly fit the general description… and whatever the fuck that is these days.
I thought about the difficulties gay men have with their high social visibility and at the time I became aware of this prejudice, man, gay dudes had it bad; not only were they social pariahs but it wasn’t unusual to hear about a gay dude being badly beaten or, sadly, killed because of his homosexuality or, even sadder, committing suicide because the world they live in just cannot accept that he’s different from other men. The rules of survival kinda suggest that if you don’t want to be treated as prey, don’t do anything to draw attention to yourself, oh, like telling everyone you come across that you’re bisexual. Sure, folks might be able to sense that you’re different or accuse you of being gay because you don’t behave like they do… but it’s not what you suspect – it’s what you can prove, not that this’ll stop someone from fucking with you about your sexuality.
They cite that we’re invisible and I agree that we are – I’m out like a motherfucker but not everyone knows that (or really gives a fuck); however, this doesn’t mean that we don’t exist – if it means anything, it means it’s none of your damned business how we like to get our cookies crumbled and if you don’t need to know, you’re never gonna find out: I cannot confirm nor deny those allegations but if you wanna be dumb enough to assume some shit, well, that’s on you because as long as I know the truth, what you think really doesn’t matter a whole lot and being the person I am, eh, you might not want to keep fucking with me about it because even I’m only going to ignore your dumb shit for so long before I decide to do something about it and that’s not gonna go well for either of us. I know I tend to think like this and, to date, pretty much every male bisexual I’ve come across has this same mindset… and that, once more, points to something I truly believe is obvious: I’m not the only male bisexual in the whole damned world. It’s impossible, improbable, and even implausible that I’m the only guy who thinks, feels, and acts in this manner… isn’t it?
After I wrote, “TBT: Existence” – and while I was entertaining my mom who came to visit, I was giving some thought about what it is that makes people think that bisexuals – and male bisexuals – don’t or can’t exist… and I really couldn’t point to any one specific thing other than the obvious fact that if we’re male and bisexual, the fact that we are isn’t for public consumption. I also wondered why it’s being assumed that bisexuals have the same social problems as homosexuals, like being discriminated against in the workplace or other shit like that. Yes, homosexuals have fought long and hard – and sometimes at great cost – to stand up for their right to be homosexual and be treated equally just as heterosexuals are… but if I’m bisexual, how is their problems my problems? Oh, fuck, I forgot – they think we have some “straight privilege” that gives us an unfair advantage.
I somehow don’t see how it’s my fault, as a male bisexual, if gay men don’t like pussy and for whatever reason they don’t; it’s not my fault that I’d rather be in a loving relationship with one of those deliciously insane women than I would with a guy. It’s not that I couldn’t be in a loving relationship with a man – and y’all know that I’ve been there already – but I don’t have to do that if I don’t want to do that so, yeah, I’m bisexual… but just like everyone else on the planet, I have a default behavior and one that I’ve proven to myself works to suit my needs. It doesn’t make me feel bad to admit that when it comes to love and relationships, I prefer women; if it’s just sex, yep, I’ll take the pussy and dick for $800, Alex…
But if society, generally, does not know this about me, how the fuck does that mean that I don’t exist when I know I’m quacking like the proverbial duck? Is it hurting me in any way because society is unaware of my behavior? Nah, I don’t see it although, as you can see, it can get me ranting like a lunatic because their “they don’t exist” position continues not to make a lot of sense to me – what, y’all can’t see the elephant in the room? Or is the reality of this just those folks trying to ignore said elephant because this particular elephant is different from whatever other elephant might also be in the room?
Fuck me… it’s bad enough that we, as bisexuals, have to take a lot of shit from those homosexuals who, for some reason, believe that we should be just like they are (and if we wanted to be gay, um, wouldn’t we be?)… but to say that we don’t exist? You’ve just gotta be fucking kidding me. I really don’t know how they can believe that it’s impossible (or improbable) that a man can behave as both a straight and gay man and to whatever degree he does this and in whatever way that suits his purposes. But I say again that if this is what some people really do believe, it doesn’t speak well of us culturally or socially or even as “civilized” people; not only do I think this kind of thinking is totally insane, it is also sadly so and just reeks of a prejudicial behavior that we’ve not rid ourselves of in all the time humans have existed: Not only if you’re not like us you’re against us, you don’t even exist!
And I’ll keep asking this: If you don’t believe that we exist, why are you arguing against bisexuality as a legitimate sexual identity/orientation? If that doesn’t sound insane, I don’t know what does. And these folks say that we’re confused? It almost stands to reason that if I, as a male bisexual, ain’t losing any sleep over not being socially visible like gay men are, there are other male bisexuals who ain’t losing any sleep over it either and if you can’t see us, that’s really better for us since society continues to treat gay men like shit to be scraped off the bottom of their shoes.
It’s bad enough that a lot of us do struggle with this whole coming out issue; it’s just as bad that a lot of us struggle with the feelings we have in this or, if we’re not struggling with this, we’re struggling to find some dick to play with… but now there are those folks out there who just wanna dump more unnecessary shit onto us and it just doesn’t make any sense for this to be happening. Some time ago, someone told me that I’m insensitive to the “plight” of bisexuals and male bisexuals because I’m not buying into the bullshit being spread and I disagreed with that assessment because I’m not insensitive – I just think this is some crazy shit being thrown around. Are their male bisexuals who have issues because they’re male bisexuals? Yep…but who doesn’t have issues? Is there something I can do to make the situation better? Yep – and I’m doing it right now by telling my bisexual brothers to trust in what they know about themselves more than what these other people are saying. Are there bisexuals who feel they’re being slighted or discriminated against? I’d dare say this is true… but is there anyone not being discriminated against in some way?
Okay, the rant is over – you can go back to doing other things now…