On the heels of writing/posting “TBT: The First Time,” I found myself idly thinking about all the times a guy has been before me for his first time and how it’s made me feel… and it’s usually been anything but excited. Sure, I’m not gonna pass on being able to suck a guy off too many times but as I’ve said on other occasions, I’ve learned that sometimes these things don’t always go as well as one may think.
Sometimes I feel a lot of trepidation, not because of any uncertainty on my part but maybe being overly concerned about where this guy’s head is and even why it’s there; does he fully realize what he’s asking for? Is he emotionally prepared for what might turn out to be a disturbing situation for him? Sometimes, I am quite aware of what his body is telling me – it can be, um, difficult to hide an erection… and that’s fine; he’s physically excited about this but, still, what’s going on in his head?
One guy got miffed with me because he couldn’t understand why I was talking to him about it instead of pouncing on his dick (which he had already pulled out, by the way); I dunno, maybe he took what I was saying as my being afraid or even I wasn’t what I said I was… but once I explained to him why I wanted to know this and that before anything happened, I saw a light go on within him that told me that, no, he hadn’t given one single thought about the consequences of his actions. Even though he had pretty much told me what he thought I wanted to hear, well, the only thing to do was to put his chest to the test; I reached over and wrapped my hand around his cock, looking in his eyes as I did so and, yep, there it was: That instant moment of panic that can strike when you realize that the shit is about to get very real.
“If you can’t deal with a guy touching your dick, how are you gonna deal with a guy sucking it?” I asked after he calmed down. “And do you understand now why I was asking you a bunch of questions?”
The good thing is that I haven’t had to experience a whole lot of freak-outs before, during, or after the fact – you just learn that the reality of the situation can hit a guy at any point and, on my part, I need to be prepared to deal with the situation. I’ve started to suck guys and then heard them say, “I don’t think I wanna do this…” and I will stop and, yeah, have a conversation with them about what they’re feeling because a guy’s first time should never be about me – it should always be about him because whether it’s good or bad, it’s going to affect him in some way so being mindful of this, to me, is so very important.
I’ve seen guys take to oral sex like a fish to water; likewise, I’ve had guys throw up while I’m sucking them or when they go to put their mouth on me. That’s some raunchy shit (to put it mildly) but it tells me that while they thought getting blown and/or returning the favor was a hot and desirable thing to do, they never gave any thought to whether or not they’d actually be able to do it. I’ve seen so many guys in the moment of truth suddenly realized, “He’s about to suck my dick!” or “Holy shit, there’s another dude’s dick headed toward my mouth!” and while most of them recovered from that initial “shock” and things kept going, eh, some have sadly lost it in some way. I’ve seen guys get hit the reality after the fact – they’ve been sucked off and have gotten me off… then have asked, “What the fuck did I just do?” Some have been just fine but, yeah, a few needed to be consoled and just talked to.
Giving a guy his first time is an honor but one that, at least for me, should always be handled responsibly; I don’t ever want the guy to regret his decision to take the plunge and I learned to understand that if he did regret it, it wasn’t a bad reflection on me – it was hard for me to not feel “responsible” if he realized that he made a mistake… which is why I’ll take the time and talk about this with him before anything happens. He can be sure that he wants/needs to do this… but if I’m not sure that he’s sure, nope, ain’t gonna happen. I’ve been told that this “step” is really unnecessary but to me it is because I, too, have to deal with the consequences of my actions, don’t I? I’d rather not wind up being pissed with myself because I failed to do right by the guy by making sure that he really wants to do this.
It’s not as if I’m not going to enjoy sucking him – no point in doing it if you’re not going to enjoy it, right? But I’ve learned to “keep an eye” on how he’s acting because, again, I’ve learned the hard way that the freak-out moment can show up at any time. Sure, it does take some of fun out of it since I’m not giving his dick 100% of my attention but, I guess it’s just the way I am about giving a guy his first time with guy sex. I realize that I didn’t have this “benefit” when I had my first time – and my being all for it notwithstanding – but I did learn how important it is to be careful with a guy who’s never done this with another guy before… and even if he changes his mind and decides not to proceed. And, yeah, I’ve asked myself that if this was me going for my first time, how would I want to be treated before, during, and after the fact?