There are some times when being bisexual just bums me out – the good thing is that it doesn’t happen very often but, yeah, sometimes, I find myself asking questions like, “Why does my sex life have to be so complicated?” or “regretting” ever having discovered some important truths about sex and a few other things that’ll make me shake my head and declare, “This is so fucked up…”
The perception is that bisexuals are a part of an ongoing feast of sex from both sides of the plate and that it’s always exciting… and, as always, the truth can be very different from that which we perceive: Sometimes, being bisexual can be as boring as hell, even for the more prolific indulgers among us. It’s not exactly regret, not exactly frustration, and it’s not exactly re-questioning our sexuality… but it can be just one of those things that’ll make you sigh heavily and perhaps think that God – if you believe in Him – has a really crazy sense of humor.
We’re almost constantly aware of the availability – or the lack thereof – of “suitable” folks to express our other desires with; our luck seems to be that the people we’d really want to get with and establish something special live so far away from us that unless the planets all lined up properly, it’s damned impractical trying to get to them. Our “bad” luck – or that sense of humor I just mentioned – can be that the folks who are expressing great interest in getting into our Haines are also the kind of people we’d rather not associate with for any reason.
Sometimes, you just get a little bummed out having to deal with the complexities of being bisexual… like you didn’t have enough shit on your mind, right? Indeed, handling your day-to-day activities can take precedence over actively wondering about the next time you’re gonna get laid and who’ll be involved in that; while it can be nice to have, um, ah, a secondary outlet, it really does add some extra thought to things on top of everything else… and ya just ain’t feeling it.
It’s not exactly confusion although this is something we’re accused of being; even if we’re still working our way through understanding this thing about us, it’s not really all that confusing… unless you’re not bisexual and believe that someone can be confused about a choice when, in their opinion, there shouldn’t be one – there’s just something about this that doesn’t quite make sense – but being confused doesn’t come close to that bummed out feeling that’ll just make you say, “Bleh!” right out the blue.
Sometimes being bummed out will want to hang around for a bit of time – maybe as long as a month or more… or it can be momentary, literally lasting a few seconds and happening so quickly that by the time you realized you’re bummed out, the reason for it has already passed and is damned near totally forgotten: The human mind is such an amazing thing, ain’t it? Then you just take a deep breath, perhaps frown for a moment, and things go back to being your version of normal. I know I’ve wondered why I could be bummed out about something that make me rather happy but I started to see that this can happen because you always have a lot of shit on your mind at any given time and being bisexual just adds more stuff to the pot so that when it pops in for that brief moment, you just ain’t feeling it… or much of anything else for that matter.
Then again, even folks who aren’t bisexual just get bummed out, don’t they? It’s not as if being straight, gay, or lesbian doesn’t add its own unique stuff to the mix so, nah, occasionally getting bummed out about one’s sexuality isn’t exclusively owned by anyone – it’s just another part of the nature of us all… and probably one we can find ourselves wishing never happened because being bummed out about anything rarely feels good…