Actually, I’m not talking about the bias some straight and gay folks have toward bisexuals – this is about bisexuals who have biases where other bisexuals are concerned.
You’d think that if someone is bisexual, they wouldn’t have much in the way of biases, let alone have them where other bisexuals are concerned… but people just don’t work like that and, yes, I have my own biases and, no, I’m not all that proud of them and, yes, I do work on getting rid of them and, no, I haven’t managed to get rid of them. People try to generalize bisexuality and I guess that in order to get a high-level understanding, that kinda makes sense… but bisexuality is a lot more diverse because bisexuals are so diverse so while we might “all be the same” in our bisexuality, we don’t all think the same way about it… or anything else for that matter.
Like that dress thing I wrote about late last night: Do I respect the fact that any man has the right to wear a dress for any reason that makes sense to him? Yes, I do. Does a guy wearing a dress as a fashion statement rub me the wrong way? Yep, it sure does and it’s just my opinion even though it may be shared by others… but it speaks to the point that bisexuals can be just as biased as anyone else can… because we’re all human.
I’ve mentioned from time to time that I’ve been criticized by other bisexuals who say that because I don’t do all of what can be done with a guy, then I’m not bisexual; there are bi guys who take a dim view of a bi guy who doesn’t suck dick or doesn’t want to fuck, cuddle, get tied up and gang-banged – all sorts of shit and the reason for it is that we “create” bisexuality in our own image and our way of being bisexual is the “preferred way.” It shouldn’t mean that “Dick’s” way of being bisexual is really wrong but the fact that “Dick” is doing his thing in a way that “Raoul” wouldn’t do it creates a bias and, yep, as fucked up as that sounds, there isn’t one of us who doesn’t have a list of likes and dislikes fixed in our minds.
When you’re dealing with a part of the human condition that tends not to be all that nice and PC, it can be a real bitch trying to keep it under wraps. I think the “best” way to dealing with such things is to always keep in mind that just because you wouldn’t do it doesn’t mean someone else wouldn’t. You don’t have to like it; you don’t even have to understand it if you don’t want to… but I think it helps to always keep in mind that you’re bisexual in this way and if you “expect” people to respect this about you, then you should show the same respect for another bisexual who isn’t exactly like you.
It’s bad enough that, as bisexuals, we are under siege by those who question our sexuality greatly because it’s so different from their own; it just gets worse when we start indulging in our version of “fighting” amongst ourselves about what it means to be bisexual. Instead of seeing the sense in rejoicing in our diversity, eh, there are some of us who are all about griping about our differences… because that’s just what people can do and, really, if you can’t keep your own biases in check, how can you expect others to do the same thing? It would be nice but it’s unrealistic, isn’t it? My mother always taught me and my siblings that if you can’t say anything good, don’t say anything at all and this is right and proper… but sometimes you gotta say something because when you’re dealing with other people, to not speak about that which you like or don’t like can give those people a very wrong impression of you and, remember, perception can be much harsher than the truth.
A guy told me, after I told him I gave up anal sex, that I was the worst kind of fake bisexual because as far as he was concerned, all bi guys should be ready, willing, and able to be fucked in the ass and if they weren’t, then they couldn’t be bisexual. Really… what kind of shit is that? How the fuck are you gonna tell me how I should be bisexual and then diss me because I’m not gonna do what you wanna do? Huh? His bias begets my own bias against dudes who behave in this manner – you see how this shit works? Maybe we don’t want to be biased… but there’s no way I know of to be totally devoid of biases because there is something everyone doesn’t like or is contrary to their way of seeing the world. I think the bad thing for anyone is to have a lot of biases; the bigger that list is, well, that can’t be a good thing… and people have very long lists like this and it includes a lot of shit, from Brussel sprouts (like ’em, hate ’em) to how they like to have their boat rocked and capsized.
Doesn’t mean we always have to display them… but sometimes that’s hard to do and maybe even dependent upon how outspoken one is; but just because you don’t say anything along these lines doesn’t mean you don’t have your own biases, right? My biases show all the time and, nah, knowing this doesn’t make me feel good even though I’m an opinionated son-of-a-biscuit eater. But I believe that to understand a thing, you have to know why it works the way it does and when it comes to people – and understanding bisexuals and bisexuality – you also have to look at how biases are formed and how they work even if it’s distasteful – and that begins with dealing with your own biases and trying to keep them down to a dull roar whenever possible. And I think that a lot of bisexual biases just hang around because, um, sometimes, we’re not of a mind to change our minds about how we see things, like, I don’t have a bias against a guy who might want to fuck me… but I do have one against men who want to give me some shit about not just giving up my ass because he said so and I can’t think of a reason why this wouldn’t always piss me off and keep this particular bias up and running. I can ignore it and never say anything about it… but even when I’m silent, it’s still there, isn’t it?
Sigh… this is some fucked up shit… but it’s still a part of the nature of the beast…