First, there’s the high level of thought, i.e., the generalization of what bisexuality is and how, generally, one goes about being bisexual. Then there’s the level of thought that’s more involved, i.e., trying to figure out where you fit into the general description. Then there’s the thinking of those who aren’t bisexual, would never dream of not being heterosexual or homosexual and it doesn’t matter (at the moment) that this school of thought has both positive and negative connotations but if you’re bisexual and still “attending school” to find out where, how, and why you fit into this, eh, it’s no wonder there are a lot of bisexuals who are confused… but this confusion isn’t the kind we’re accused of being involved with.
It’s just too much information to process “all at one time” so, yep, when you can be bombarded with so much input, one can be greatly confused just trying to sort through all that information to find the pieces that best fit them – and this is on top of the confusion of trying to figure out if something can/should be done about their feelings. The one thing I try to impress upon newbie bisexuals in particular is to put more focus on what all of this means to them instead of focusing on what others have to say about it and more so when you’re getting information from sources that aren’t exactly bi-friendly. You can’t act as if this negative information doesn’t exist because, sadly, it does… but you don’t have to give it a whole lot of weight (and I personally think one shouldn’t) so it should be noted… and filed away in some seldom-visited corner so you can get the information you need to answer the questions that will, hopefully and ultimately, uniquely define your bisexuality.
There’s what bisexuality is “supposed” to be like – damned near everyone has some thoughts about this including that no one should (or can be) bisexual – and then there’s what it means to you and how you go about being bisexual. I think some newbies get all jacked up because they’re trying to make themselves fit the supposed view of bisexuality more than figuring out what all this means and where they fit in this; some are very likely to let the social view – which is a clusterfuck of epic proportions – color their thinking about what they’re feeling so that they can’t really discover why they have these feeling and, of course, if you haven’t figured this out, it’s not likely you’ll be able to figure out what, if anything, you could do about this.
I do my best to “stress” that while there are a lot of bisexuals (duh), we’re all not bisexual in the exact same way, which makes sense because we’re all different people from different walks of life and all that so, no, we’re not going to exactly and precisely fit the general description and we’re never going to fit the school of thought being preached by those who have issues with anyone who isn’t straight or, sadly, gay – there can be a lot of negativity here and it has little real value other than you know that as a bisexual, some folks aren’t gonna like you and are probably very afraid of you. You have to define what bisexuality is for yourself and not let someone else define it for you. It’s why I say that my sexuality doesn’t define me – I’m the one doing the defining here and, really, it can’t be any other way.
You can find out how other bisexuals are bisexual – if you read my blog (and I assume that someone is) then you can see how I think and feel about being bisexual and what I’ve done (imagine me blushing about this one) and you can think, “Okay, wow, that KDaddy has been into some shit… but what things he puts out there resonates with the way I’m feeling and what things don’t?” or some similar line of thinking. There’s no such animal as the “perfect bisexual” and if I have to tell you why there isn’t, well, damn… isn’t that obvious? Part of being bisexual is about construction your own school of thought based on all the relevant information you can obtain so that you not only understand your own thoughts and feeling but you can also make informed decisions on whether or not you’re going to act on your feelings or not. It’s not enough to say, “I’m bisexual!” – you have to know how you’re bisexual and there’s no one out there in the world who can tell you how to be bisexual.
You have to figure that one out yourself – then attend your own school of thought religiously and with the thought firmly in mind that you can change your “curriculum” any time it needs to be changed… because the world around you is in a constant state of change. Those changes might be “colossal” ones – they could be minute changes but there are changes so as you change, your school of thought has to be changed – additions or even subtraction. Now, can you be influenced by external information? Yes, but you have to know that the final decision is yours to make – no one can make it for you; you get this input then figure out if it can be admitted to your school of thought… or not… and keep it moving forward.
When building your school, you’re gonna run into a lot of the shit I’ve run into – those folks who don’t have anything nice to say about it, like I shouldn’t be bisexual, I need to make up my mind one way – straight – or the other – gay or even those folks who are bisexual and want to insist that I be bisexual just like they are – and there’s no getting away from this but, like I said earlier in this, you don’t and shouldn’t give this a lot of weight. In fact, you don’t even have to give any value to what I’ve written here if it doesn’t fit into your developing school of thought about being bisexual.
There’s what everyone else thinks about it… then there’s what you think and, importantly, what you’ve learned about being bisexual and how it all fits into your life. At the end of the day, the only school of thought that really matters is the one you’ve built for yourself and, hopefully, you’ve built this on as sound a foundation as you can manage but always aware that, yeah, ya might have termites you need to get rid of before your foundation crumbles and your school of thought falls apart.
You gotta own it and in the way you can own it and your ownership must be proof against those who will insist that you not be bisexual or that you can’t be and just because they think this way – you just shouldn’t let someone else run your school of thought or destroy it. Married bisexuals allow this to happen because keeping the peace is of greater import and, well, yeah, that makes sense… but while this might change anything you may want to do about being bisexual, it shouldn’t ever change the way you think and feel about being bisexual. It just begs this question: Who are you supposed to be? Are you supposed to be yourself and all that means… or are you supposed to be someone who’s shaped in someone else’s image, or, “You can’t be bisexual because I don’t want you to be bisexual!” And it’s just my opinion that even in the face of this, you still have to keep your school of thought open and own the ground it stands upon; too many of us abandon our schools and turn over ownership to someone else and because they said so.
This is what makes being bisexual so damned confusing. We’re not so much confused about being bisexual as we are about the information we’re being bombarded with. Your own, unique school of thought will run smoothly if you’re good at filtering the plethora of information coming through the doors and then good at studying the information that’s the most relevant to you and how you can be bisexual. And, yes – you can “attend” someone else’s school of thought if they are “teaching” lessons that are, again, relevant to how you want to be bisexual (or how you can be bisexual).