I got to my Dashboard after perving a few blogs and saw this: “worst thing someone said because you are bisexual” and I thought, wow, yeah, I’ve heard some shit directed at me because I’m bisexual, most of which were fighting words when I was younger. Being called a queer, a faggot, a pussy, a sissy – and motherfuckers suggesting that my mommy made me wear dresses when I wasn’t outside would almost always provoke an immediate – and violent – response to such accusations… because nobody talks about my mother like that, aight?
As I got older, I got smarter and learned to use words in a way that whatever some crass asshole would say to me would pale in comparison to the severe road rash they’d get when I responded, like, oh, “Your mom/sister/grandmother didn’t say that last night…” or my favorite, “That’s funny… because you didn’t say that the other day – wait, you couldn’t because you had my dick in your mouth!” That would either clown them or put them in a fighting mood to be sure and blood would be shed (or worse depending on how vigorous I had to defend myself) but, eventually, the idiots who’d utter such things on a regular basis knew not to direct any of them at me and they’d find another victim to pick on.
As I got older still, well, now I was being subjected to lengthy stays in hell, that I was the worst kind of sinner (and I thought people who killed other people fit that category but what did I know?) and, once, someone said that I was an abomination in the eyes of God. And I’d look at them and blink slowly, not because I was trying to keep my temper under control but because I didn’t want to suffer a bout of spontaneous laughter that might make me have to go home, shower, and change clothes. I know it was rude and impolite but, damn it, when I saw people going off the religious deep end about something they didn’t really understand, well, it was just funny and I was seriously learning to respect someone’s religious opinion… but not be swayed by it and to not be offended.
Today, when I hear the various – and, to me, old-assed epitaphs , I find myself frowning a lot because that shit hasn’t changed one bit in my lifetime so far… and it is just sad to see such a level of prejudice displayed religiously or otherwise. It’s sad to see that in all the time man has walked the earth, we still haven’t learned not to hate (or kill) that which is different or that which we don’t understand; I don’t get angry, I don’t get insulted… I just frown, shrug, and keep on about my business while thinking that it’s a shame so many people have such a limited understanding of life and the human potential.
In the times when I’ve actually felt like fucking with these detractors, one of the things I will always ask them is, “How do you know?” and then watch them go through all kinds of shit trying to answer that question. If it persists – and it usually does, sad to say – my next question – and despite what they said to the first one is usually, “Does it make sense to you that just because you don’t believe in bisexuality doesn’t mean that everyone is supposed to not believe it as well, that there are some folks like me who clearly don’t agree with your take on this?” – and then watch them agree with the logic of this and, in the same breath, contradict themselves by saying that it’s still wrong.
“According to who?”
The only response they can give is that very tired reference to the Old Testament and harping on the fact that God says we’re not supposed to ever do shit like that, provoking yet another statement from me: “God said for us to not kill each other… but don’t we do it anyway?” And God help them if they blurt out that this is different… because I’ll deliver the coup de grace and ask, “How can it be different?”
Game. Set. Match. Even if they wanna keep the, ah, discussion going, I just feel so very sad to see someone behaving like this, to watch them stay so deeply rooted in their beliefs that they are willing to totally ignore the evidence the real world has presented since before we were born: Not everyone is straight or wants to be… so they aren’t. Sometimes, I think that someone will persist in this flawed argument on their part because they don’t want to believe that everything they believe in isn’t really the truth of things; their beliefs are shaken, rattled, and rolled and their argument is an attempt on their part to put the pieces of their shattered faith back together and, of course, try to save face because their emotional argument has run into the solid walls of logic and common sense: If what you say is true, then I couldn’t possibly be bisexual… but I am; how do you explain that?
Some respond by “switching gears” and insisting that I’m in denial about really being gay – another very old, tired, and seriously flawed argument – and this shit was old when I first hear it decades ago. Now it’s like this: “Really… and how would you know that I’m in denial about anything? And if I tell you with all the certainty I can bring to bear that I’m not in denial about that and wouldn’t ever want to be gay, why won’t you believe me and, why are you still talking about this? Are you trying to convince me of something you couldn’t possibly know… or are you really trying to convince yourself of something?”
Yes, being the person I am, I admit to often taking much pleasure in watching them flip-flopping all over the place as they vainly try to defend their position – oh, and when I’ve asked them if they’d like for me to prove that I am what I say I am, um, all of a sudden, they have other things that require their attention – imagine that! Today, it’s not so much about the worst thing someone can say to me about being bisexual as it is that they’re so… blind to reality and willing to let their prejudice show by clinging to ancient religious teachings that might have been applicable and necessary way back when we had an urgent need to reproduce and perpetuate the species… but can’t hold water today.
Yep, you can believe in whatever works for you but we tend to behave as if our beliefs can’t ever change and it’s just so sad to see that we’ve yet to learn something that’s kinda obvious: If you don’t change, you will be left behind by a world that is constantly changing. I respect that this is what they believe… but I’m also living proof that what they believe is about as wrong as it can get and the terrible truth is that even though people who fervently hold on to the religious beliefs about is are so very willing to kill someone to defend that belief which, in Christianity, is so against the God’s commandment of, “Thou shalt not kill.”
In my “old age,” I’m quite willing to let people who say such things show everyone the depths of their ignorance and expose the faults in their so-called logic. The only “saving grace” is some people actually see the flaws in their point of view and change it… while so many more refuse to accept the truth of things.
And they say we’re in denial about shit? At some point, you just learn not to get all bent out of shape over what someone is gonna say about you being bisexual; you learn not to allow them to impose their will upon you and, if you gotta “fuss and fight” with them, you learn to do it logically and, yeah, seriously, if it comes to blows, well, I hope you know how to defend yourself or you can run like the wind. The truth is that their hurtful words doesn’t change the fact that you’re bisexual and you should hold on to what you believe in this as fiercely as they hold onto their belief that you can’t or shouldn’t be bisexual. Your confidence in yourself should become proof and your shield against their words.
You must learn to be strong so that it doesn’t matter what they say and hold true to this ancient adage: Sticks and stones may break my bones but names can never hurt me. Yep, until you learn, they’re gonna hurt like hell and there’s no avoiding it – but you can learn, just as I did, to not let what they may say hurt you. I learned to fear no evil and especially that which will come out of someone’s mouth and more so when I’m pretty sure they have no fucking idea what they’re talking about… unless, they’re just talking out of their ass and keeping up an expected front because they do, in fact, know why I’m bisexual… because they might be as well.