Today’s Bisexual Thoughts: The Advocate

05 Jul

Someone recently told me that I’d make a damned good advocate in support of bisexuality and male bisexuality… and I asked, “Who?  Me?” which really is a quirk of mine that I like to use humorously because even though I know that I’m not a fan of LGBTQ(whatever) and you’ll probably never see me giving the keynote address at a Pride convention, yeah, when I get to ranting and raving about bisexuality I am, in fact, an advocate… when that’s not really my intention… but I feel… compelled to share what I’ve learned in the fifty-one years I’ve been actively bisexual.

Since I’ve been here on WordPress, I’ve read a lot of stuff written by other people about bisexuality and I was alarmed to read how much some folks didn’t know about this or how they are struggling with it or, yeah, the psychobabble/pseudoscience being put out there and I saw that there really wasn’t anyone standing up and speaking about what it can really mean to be bisexual… and the good and bad of it.

I really didn’t intend to “go off” writing about being bisexual but, um, since this blog is about whatever happens to be on my mind at any given moment – and those times when other bloggers have inspired me to “go off,” well, sure:  If someone has to do it, if someone should do it, I guess I volunteered myself, not as much to “set the record straight” but to illustrate that being bisexual isn’t always as bad as we’re led to believe it is.

Everything I write about this is based in all the things I’ve learned (and continue to learn); I know it because I’ve done it, lived it, experienced it; I know it because I’m curious enough to want to know how other people deal with this… or how they don’t (or can’t) deal with it.  It’s my view, my opinion, whatever you want to call it but the one thing I do know is that there are a lot of people out there who don’t have “the facts,” and are having trouble of some kind dealing with this and, um, since I’ve been there, done that, and ready to do it all again, there just could be some benefit to someone that I can provide and simply because I’ve been bisexual for a very long time (comparatively speaking).  Maybe it helps them, maybe it doesn’t but if I don’t try, who will step up to fill the void that clearly exists?

Who will be brave and daring and even compassionate enough to try to answer their questions?

So I speak up for bisexuality… and I’d be the first person who would say, look, if you don’t think you can deal with this, maybe you should just leave it alone.  I see what a lot of people are saying about being bisexual and a lot of times I find myself saying, “Whoa… that’s not really accurate!” or “Hmm, that doesn’t match up with all that I’ve learned to date…” and then my fingers get to flying across the keyboard and so much that I’m actually wearing the letters off the keys – it’s a good thing I learned the proper way to type (and, yes, I can do it with speed with my eyes closed).

Someone has to speak up about this and do it in a way that’s not difficult to understand.  I’ve been “criticized” for too much sharing, for being too “in your face” about it but I’d rather be guilty of these things than to remain silent when (a) some folks have this all wrong and (b) when some folks are really struggling with trying to figure this shit out.  I cannot, in good conscience, stand by and “do” nothing… so I do… something because if I don’t, who will?  Now, the real question is does this make me an advocate?

I guess it does, doesn’t it?  It isn’t just standing up for that which I believe in – it’s also about relating that which I’ve learned via experience and/or observation… because someone should do it… right?  Yep, when people start yapping that bisexuals don’t or can’t exist, I get riled up; when I see people writing about bisexuality and in ways that I’ve never experienced, yep, that’ll get me erasing more letters off my keyboard.  When I see people going through a lot of shit about being bisexual and not being able to resolve things, damn it, don’t I put on my cape and tights and do my best to go to their rescue and even when it’s none of my business and I should do what a lot of people do:  Just walk away and leave them to their own devices and think that it sucks to be them.

Me.  An advocate for bisexuality.  A staunch and fierce defender of someone’s right to be bisexual if they wanna be; the guy who hears, “Bisexuality doesn’t exist!” and replies, “What, are you out of your fucking minds?  Of course it exists because I exist (add some choice expletives here because I usually do)!” The guy who’ll read where someone says they don’t know what to do about this and will say, “I get it… and this is what I did about it…” and all because someone has to do it.

Me.  An advocate for bisexuality… and because I have no issues with speaking to the joys I’ve experienced as well as the not-so-nice things and always with the sure knowledge that there will be some folks who will think that I’m just full of shit or, oddly, that I don’t know what I’m talking about or that I’m just dead wrong about the matter?  Me… an advocate for something that at almost every turn, seems like a hopeless cause?

All I do is write the truth as I’ve learned to understand it.  I’m in a unique position because I’ve been bisexual for so long now that I can see it from a perspective that is so very different from what’s being said about it so I know that, with a few exceptions, um, this perspective doesn’t really differ much from the one I grew up with; the story hasn’t changed but the actors have, if you will… and I even write about those differences I see and more so when, at least in my opinion, too many people make being bisexual a lot more complicated than it already is.

I’ve sat here and thought that I am not going to write another thing about bisexuality here or anywhere else… and then I get to thinking that by not writing about it, I’m kinda defeating one of the reasons why I write this blog and, importantly, I’m not being true to myself in a few ways.  Maybe this makes me an advocate and, yes, there are times when I don’t feel I fit the description at all but the one thing I do know for a damned fact is this:

I am bisexual.  I know how and why I’m bisexual and I know what I’ve done to not let being bisexual fuck with me and I understand it in ways that maybe a lot of people don’t, couldn’t, or wouldn’t… and I’m sharing it all with anyone who cares to pay attention to it because someone has to and if not me, then who?

Me.  An advocate.  Really?


Posted by on 5 July 2015 in Today's Bisexual Thoughts


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2 responses to “Today’s Bisexual Thoughts: The Advocate

  1. rougedmount

    6 July 2015 at 09:25

    I believe your blog to be an invaluable resource and brings a definitive perspective that serves to educate from experience as opposed to preaching through diatribe. You know the content and subject matter from a historical and personal level which entitles you to a high degree of opinion. Anyone who objects to that has simple not gained the experience you have nor has the introspection to understand that your sharing of this experience is not about self promotion but as an advocate for the voiceless; people who can neither write or express things as well as you do. People who may be starting down their life’s path without guidance and direction. Your blog and your anecdotal stories can easily help alleviate fears and misconceptions they may have and circumvent issues that you experienced as you learned to find your way. Your truth, your passion, your life stories; mean something – even to a heterosexual white woman – so I can only imagine how relevant they must be to someone who shares your affinities. Thank you for being committed to sharing in such an honest and sometimes rather intense, way.


    • kdaddy23

      6 July 2015 at 10:52

      Thank you, my dear Rouged. Nope, it’s not about self-promotion… but it is about trying to make a difference and if I can do that whenever I write, well, that’s a good thing, right? The message isn’t just for bisexuals – it’s for anyone who is even the slightest bit curious about bisexuality – even a heterosexual white woman. There’s no such thing as too much information and none of us are too old to learn; it’s way too easy to “hate” something you don’t understand but if you understand it and still “hate” it, well, you’ve made an informed decision instead of having a knee-jerk reaction.

      I do what I can… because someone has to and in a way that’s not all that hard to understand if not, um, intense… but even in this, the truth works. Being bisexual isn’t always about romance; it about pure, raw, sex and I’m not beyond poking some sensibilities about it… and what I write here isn’t nearly as intense as some of the stuff I’ve written that no one here has ever seen.

      Liked by 1 person


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