I get it. You discover that you’re bisexual, kinda/sorta get it all worked out in your head… and now you wanna get out there and do something about it and, yes, I know what that feels like. Some folks can actually take that next step and dive headfirst into the deep end of the pool and find it damned easy to do so… but that’s not everyone and a tried and true military saying becomes quite applicable: Hurry up and wait.
It’s maddening, frustrating, and downright depressing because there’s this… thing inside you screaming at you to get off your ass and go get that stuff you’ve found that you now like… and for various reasons – and most which are beyond anyone’s ability to control – it just ain’t happening. You can’t find anyone or don’t know how to go about finding someone; you have the “misfortune” of being hooked up in a relationship and under the mandate of “You’d better not even think about cheating!” or, one of my favorites (not really) you do manage to find someone you can resonate with… but you can’t get to them so they may as well be on Mars for all the good it’s doing you (or them).
If you can, be patient. I know it’s easier said than done but it has always seemed to me that I spend more time waiting to do something than I do actually doing it and, yes, that includes my crazy childhood. This isn’t really all that different from, say, being a straight guy and looking for a good woman (or looking for a woman willing to fuck you); you try to get out there and get in the game and sometimes you can, sometimes you can’t and, oh, yeah, more often than not, you wind up crashing and burning. But it’s not like you’re gonna just give up the quest, right? They say good things come to those who wait, don’t they? That patience is a virtue? Wait for it…
“Patience my ass! I wanna have sex with somebody!” Now, you could be feeling like this, get all discombobulated and discouraged, and just give up… but if that’s not working for you – and because you might give up but the urges are still there – then being patient is warranted even if it’s not an easy thing to do. We live in an era of instant gratification which is quite different from the time I grew up because, back then, anything sexual you wanted was always worth waiting for. Today, it seems to me that we’re more about wanting what we want right now than we are willing to be patient and wait for the right time, the right moment, and the right person to let that slavering beast out of its cage so you can ravage and be ravaged by someone who’s the same sex as you are.
Now it becomes a question of what to do while you’re waiting and searching, right? Well, what do you want to do? What else do you need to do? Just saying, but I’d spend the time fine-tuning my plan to do something and without stressing about it. Being impulsive can get you what you need… but it can be riskier than putting together an action plan of what you want to to, who you wanna do it with, understanding why you want to do it and, yeah, figuring out if you can do it at all (if you’re in a relationship already) or doing some research to learn how to do what you want to do (if you don’t know that important stuff already). It’s an exercise in self-control, i.e., your inner sexy beast wants to be out there and hunting but you can’t let it control you like that; all it knows is what it wants and that’s all it cares about and you just gotta be way smarter than the beast and keep it locked up and gagged until you can open the cage and get your freak on big time (and make up for lost time while you’re at it).
And the trick, of course, is to be able to do this and not drive yourself nuts in the process. Damned right – hurry up and wait makes me insane at times… okay, most of the time… but when you understand that sometimes you have no choice but to wait, instead of getting all worked up about the delays, use that time as productively as you can – I’m sure you can find other things to do to occupy yourself while you’re waiting. And does it really make any sense to worry about something that you can’t do anything about at the moment?
If you’re 100% sure that you want to do something and that you will do something when you can, then be peacefully patient. Go about your life as you normally do but for this aspect, well, it never hurts to have a plan and even a backup plan; it never hurts to think first then act when everything lines up correctly. Me, well, I’d work on a way to make it “easy” for the other people I want to have sex with to find me and, yeah, those websites can be the honey that’ll attract the right kind of flies for you even though ya might have to sort out the “bad” flies from the “good” ones – but that’s just the way these things work. But, if you can, be as proactive as you can and don’t just expect to have shit fall into your lap and if you don’t know how to go about putting yourself out there, learn how to do it… then hurry up and wait.
But if you can, be patient because you should know that not everything happens when we want it to.