Two things: One, you can effectively deal with being bisexual. Two, it’s really not that easy to do and there’s no standard way to go about doing it. One of the things getting this done requires is an ability to look at yourself from every possible angle, as well as an ability to look at yourself objectively and not letting what you’ve learned get in the way of figuring out this bisexual thing that’s going on with you. Sure, at some point, you’re gonna have to work on integrating your sexuality so tightly that it’s a much a part of you as breathing is; you know it’s there but you really don’t ever think about it; you’re gonna have to figure out how to deal with other people – that coming out stuff that’s a problem all by itself and, yes, at some point, you’re gonna have to make a decision if you’re going to engage in the sex that’s possible or even the more deeper emotional aspects.
I say unto you that you can’t begin to work on these things until you learn how to deal with feeling – and knowing – that you’re bisexual. I see so many bisexuals make themselves crazy trying to figure out what they’re gonna do about their feelings when they should, at first, deal with the confusion that’s kicking their ass about being bisexual in the first place… and that means that instead of paying a lot of attention to your emotional state and letting it make decisions for you, you need to be able to bring your intelligence to bear and, without being insulting, if you think that you’re not “that smart,” you’re gonna learn to be smarter.
You can’t just ignore it because once it’s in your head, it is never going away. Yep, some folks find this revelation to be so bothersome that they don’t want to devote any brain power to figuring this out and feel that if they ignore it, they don’t have to deal with it… but they always do at some point because, ah, you can’t escape yourself, can you? I found that my innate curiosity helped me deal with being bisexual; I had a gazillion questions and since no one was inclined to provide the answers, I went looking for them and when I found them, now it was about taking all the stuff I was learning and applying my intelligence to make sense of things, to put them “in order” and in a perspective that would allow me to keep it all straight in my head. I also learned that once I started this process, it would be forever an ongoing project and simply because I’m always learning things and that everything I do… everything and everyone around me has an impact on how I deal with being bisexual.
Of course, the big problem with learning how to deal with this and why there’s no standard way of doing it is because people are different – and, no, I’m not talking about that which is plainly obvious; because everyone who is bisexual has their own way of being bisexual, the things I did that worked for me isn’t going to work for every bisexual trying to figure this shit out for themselves… but it could be helpful because the thing that’s even more difficult is trying to figure out how to start figuring this out. You shouldn’t ignore your feelings – they provide important input to the internal discussion… but you shouldn’t let them make decisions for you and it’s my belief that this is a key reason why some people have such a hard time dealing with being bisexual, well, that and they’re too worried about what other people are gonna say about them.
Yes, you gotta think about what you’re feeling and then subject those feelings to some very intense intellectual scrutiny. You’re not gonna have all the answers and, um, you actually don’t have to know all of the answers right away… but you do need to find out who or what does have the answers you seek. Just as important, if you don’t have the ability to effect changes within yourself, well, sorry, but you’re hosed and nothing’s going to change that. You can’t work on dealing with being bisexual if your head is still stuck in “I’m supposed to be straight!” mode; being bisexual will change and challenge everything you’ve been taught prior to discovering your sexuality and if you are unable to begin the process of unlearning the “old” stuff and learning the new stuff, well, do I really have to explain the condition your mind is going to be in? I do? Okay, to put it simply and as PC as I can, you will always fight with yourself and fight harder to resist the changes that have to be made to the way you see life so that you’ll always be in conflict is pretty much a given.
The road to full acceptance begins with that deeply intense self-examination and the pursuit of the answers you need to move down this road and the closer you get to full acceptance, your work toward dealing with this on a daily basis will become easier and more so if you continue to learn stuff and broaden your horizons: You’ve broken out of the box and now it’s time to learn everything you can about where you are now. The trick is for you to not become your own worst enemy, to conquer your fears and keep your emotions in check as best as possible so that you can always think first and then think clearly and with a high degree of confidence.
It won’t happen overnight and, again, if/when you do figure out how to best deal with this, it’s not static; with this, you can’t say “Well, that takes care of that!” and think you can walk away from it like it no longer requires your attention. Nope, being bisexual is some very dynamic shit and as you change, it changes – think of this as continuing education, if that helps. And, no, I’m not just talking about from day-to-day – I’m stressing that being bisexual is so dynamic that it changes as you change from one moment to the next and at the speed of thought.
Yes… this shit is that deep. Learning how to deal with this is daunting and seems impossible… and I say to you all that it isn’t impossible – it can’t be impossible because I did it. I ain’t saying that because I did it you can do it… I’m just saying that learning to deal with being bisexual isn’t impossible and you have to believe that it isn’t but don’t kid yourself: This ain’t gonna be easy to do… but once you learn how to do it and how being bisexuals now fits into your life, it does get easier because now you can cope and deal with aspect of yourself “automatically;” if something changes (and it invariably will change) your intelligence jumps in and starts shuffling things around without you having to give it any prompting.
How do you deal with this? You just do… but you still have to learn how to do it… and you should learn how to do it unless having your head all fucked up is your idea of fun. Ask yourself the questions, then go looking for the answers, and then deal with it to the best of your abilities. Like I said, you can worry about what you’re gonna do about your feelings “later,” just like you can worry about coming out and the opinions of others at a “later date;” I just can’t express or emphasis enough how damned important it is for you to get yourself ready to deal with these other important issues.
You think, think some more, take something for the headache you get, and think some more. Yes, you think about how you were before this landed on you, then start comparing notes against the new stuff that’s flooding your brain – and then take control of it by not letting your emotions be wholly in charge. Then you work on one thing at a time – trying to “solve the whole puzzle” at once has been known to induce migraines, insomnia, depression, and feelings of frustration and hopelessness because it’s just too much information to process all at once so breaking it down into smaller, more manageable “chunks” just makes sense and keep you from making yourself insane. You get the questions together… then go on the hunt to answer them as methodically as you can and, yeah, if you don’t know, ask somebody who does know. Once you can get a sense of the direction you’re headed in, getting down to the business of dealing with being bisexual can begin in earnest and the more you work on it, the easier it is for you to keep working on it so that when someone asks you how you deal with being bisexual, your first answer is, “I just do…”
Learn to deal with yourself first – then work the other issues that will be waiting for you.