Today’s Bisexual Thoughts: A Couple of Pet Peeves…

A couple of misconceptions that’ll get my eyes rolling:  One, if you’re a bi guy, you just love and have to have a big dick to play with and the other is that just because a bi guy can be romantic with a woman, that somehow means that he’s also romantic with men.  First, the big dick thing…

I know and have learned the hard way that if nothing else, big dicks – and those really big dicks – are nice to look at (sometimes) but doesn’t always mean that sexual pleasure is a given; that depends on the guy attached to the dick and, well, let’s just say that just because homey has  a dick hanging down to his knees doesn’t mean he knows how to use it – or how you want it used on you.  But just cause some guy announces to me that he has a ten-inch dick doesn’t mean I’m going to fall all over myself trying to get at it – and he can actually think that I’m going to, believe it or not.

I’ve had these big-dicked motherfuckers ask me why I’ve said no to them and I’ve said, “I’m not impressed by the size of your dick – and because you think I should be and just jump into bed with you, I’m even less impressed with you.”  You gotta know that by telling them the truth, I didn’t exactly make a new friend.  So you have a big dick… and that means what to me… and more so since I’ve had a dick or two that makes yours look little?  Big dicks, by themselves, don’t give me any issues I can’t deal with… but the dude attached to it, well, that’s another matter and I know that this isn’t always a good thing because I do know that dudes with big cocks don’t always know how to use them.

As I’ve said quite a few times, that men can be worst size queens than women still amazes me and that we live in a society where “bigger is better” is rammed down our throats at every turn, it no longer surprises me that this includes dicks and how many people have bought into the bigger is better mentality.  The question I ask – and have never gotten an answer to – is, “Should we be impressed by big dicks and when did this become such a preference?”  Now, I do know that the longer the dick, the closer it can get to a woman’s cervix in order to deliver his sperm but, beyond that, uh, why is this such a big deal?  The thing that got this rant going  – again – was another email from the gay VOD site with the “big dick” theme and one that lends itself to the notion that if the dick isn’t “you gotta be fuckin’ kidding me!” big, sex can’t be as enjoyable.

Men who are, ah, connoisseurs of anal sex have said that, okay, a big dick will stretch your hole out in a delightful way… but they’ve been fucked “better” by guys with average-sized dicks.  I’ve heard women who rant and rave about big dicks being better get ahold of one… and then wish they hadn’t because getting their cervix hammered doesn’t feel all that good; bumped into, yes – attempting to drive it into their chest cavity, eh, not so much when you get right down to it.

Jeez… okay, enough of that one, now to the next one…

I recently read a series of books (“The Black Dagger Brotherhood,” by J. R. Ward) that has some semi-steamy sex scenes and one situation in particular where two of the male vampires were involved and while the sex they had was, um, eye-opening, it was all about romance even though one of the vampires was bisexual.  Indeed, I’ve read quite a few books where a bisexual – male or female – was involved and it was always about romance more than the sex, something that can easily make someone think that if you’re bisexual, you have to be romantic with men and as you’d be with a woman (if you’re a guy)… and that’s not quite right.  I’m not saying that it’s impossible for a male bisexual to be romantically inclined toward men and women… it’s just not the default behavior, if you will; most of the bi guys I know are romantic with women and, um, not so much when it comes to men and even though this can be seen as a preference, I’ve often thought that one reason why a bi guy would turn his nose up at being romantic with a man (and as he would with a woman) is that he feels it would make him more gay than bisexual… and there’s no bisexual I know who’d ever want to be labeled as being gay – but no one likes being called something that they know they aren’t, right?

There are a lot of bisexuals who wind up questioning their sexuality because it is assumed that when it comes to things of the same-sex variety, things should be equal, i.e., if a man is romantic with a woman then he has to be just as romantic with a man; else, he’s not really bisexual… and this is just crazy.  We’ve been taught that sex and romance just go together and in a relationship mode… when the truth is that, yep, they do work nicely together… but isn’t really a necessary requirement.  That a bisexual woman, for instance, might say that she could have sex with another woman but she doesn’t know if she could have a relationship (enter romance) with another woman shouldn’t surprise anyone or make the bisexual woman question her sexuality… because your ability/desire/whatever to be romantic has nothing to do with your sexuality so if she can be deeply romantic with a man – but not with a woman – but she enjoys the sex she can have with another woman, um, what’s the problem here?

There isn’t one, not if you understand how romance happens only in certain ways; that same bisexual woman could have zero romantic interest in a man – but would fuck him without giving it a second thought.  Romance is, if nothing else, idealistic; it’s nice if you can be romantic because we are taught that sex should never happen without love/romance/relationship being in play… which doesn’t change the fact that, nope, the shit doesn’t always happen that way.

I know I’m ranting… but this shit just tends to get to me every now and then and I know – or I think I do – that it’s because we’re always “pushed” toward romance and relationships and that we shouldn’t just think about our sexual needs and desires alone… and when you’re bisexual, you will eventually learn that the two things aren’t mutually inclusive; if you’re a bi guy, you can be romantic with women and not even think about romance when it comes to men and the same is true for bi gals… and, sometimes, it would be nice if the people who think they know what it’s like to be bisexual would stop thinking like this and then portraying bisexuality as being equally romantic.

Okay, I need to find something else to do before I go off the deep end…