Today’s Bisexual Thoughts: “What Kind of Bisexual Am I?”

09 Aug

Yes, Virginia, there are different kinds of bisexuals and, yes, while bisexuals are, uh, generically the same, we don’t see our sexuality as being so homogenous.  I actually had a guy ask me this question once and, honestly, I didn’t know how to answer him other than to say, “What kind of bisexual do you want to be?” “Gay sex,” a term I use to kinda lump man-on-man sex into a single category, can include many sexual acts, from (let’s call it) same-room masturbation, where two horny guys whip out their dicks and observe each other jerking themselves off, to a knock-down, dragged out, all guy orgy where there’s something for everyone’s particular tastes.  So when you’re new to having sex with a guy – or you’re on the verge of taking that long step off that short plank – it would help if you could get an idea of what you want to do, what you want done to you, stuff like that.

Some guys do take a moment to think about this, like, they want to experience a guy blowing them or giving a blow job; some have given thought to experiencing anal sex, while others want to take things slower and safer with same-room masturbation, or mutual masturbation either one-on-one or in a circle jerk.  A lot of guys, as related to me, honestly say that they have no idea what particular thing they want to experience and wonder if experiencing everything would help them narrow things down… and it can because as we all know, Experience is the best teacher in the known universe but one that can have some downsides; there’s no greater shock to one’s system to gleefully jump into an experience “blindly” only to find out that, shit, they didn’t like what happened one damned bit or the situation wasn’t exactly what they envisioned… and not in a good way.

I’ve talked to guys about this and I’ve had some say, “I don’t want to suck dick or be fucked – I just want to be the one getting sucked or doing the fucking!” – and that’s fine and even understandable since there are some men who, despite having a taste for men, think that sucking dick or being fucked is a bitch thing to do.  I’ve learned from these same guys that, um, well now, sucking dick really isn’t as bad as they thought it would be and/or taking it in the ass wasn’t all that bad, either… so now they’ve changed their minds about some stuff.

And that’s the important thing about any of this.  I know that we tend to get set in our ways when it comes to having sex; we do what works and what we like and toss out anything we don’t like or doesn’t work and if we had a bad experience with something, well, we ain’t doing that again and we just don’t ever think about changing our minds about stuff or give too much thought to something I think is damned important:  Just because something didn’t work with someone else in the past, that doesn’t mean it can’t work with someone else in the future… or as I’ve been telling someone recently (and I’m not naming any names), you just never say never because there’s no way you can know if a situation is going to change, when it might change, so on and so forth.

Sure, some guys are pretty adamant about staying in their particular niche and, yep, experience will drive this behavior home so deciding what kind of bisexual you’re going to be can get interesting; if you don’t have any experience (or not a lot of experience), you may not really understand some stuff that may be pleasurable but too many “bad” experiences – and along with some perceptions that get held onto (like being fucked is a gay/bitch thing to do) – can blind one to the possibilities.  I can’t begin to count how many times a guy who is experienced – but never sucked dick – has gone down on me and said after the fact, “I didn’t know it could be like that!” or they’ve said, “The last time I tried this, it wasn’t any fun…” or they’ve said, “I wonder why I never tried this before?” and now they’re a little “confused” about what kind of bisexual they now are.

In any of this, being informed is a good thing; it helps to know what other guys are out there doing and if you can find out, why they’re doing it while keeping in mind that your experiences may vary or just because being “oral-only” works for me doesn’t mean it’s gonna work for you or even for the same reasons.  I also point out all of this because, um, those folks who aren’t bisexual do tend to look at us generically:  If one does it, they all do it and that’s not correct or even fair, especially to those bisexual men who prefer not to have any of the sex or those who are more romantically inclined.  It’s why I bother to point out these things because when it comes to being bisexual, it’s not what we do that matters the most:

It’s why we do it.  Still, even when you know this, it can be hard to answer the question, “What kind of bisexual am I?” – even as experienced as I am, I have moments when I can’t answer that question about myself, let alone some other guy and the easiest explanation of why I can’t is because I’m always changing.  Yep, I’ve got that list of things I’d rather not do just like a lot of bi guys but I also know that this list isn’t made out of neutronium (the densest material known to man) because I’ve changed my mind about some things – and it’s okay to change that list if and when the situation calls for it, like how I “firmly” denounced having anal sex… but I’ve done it quite a few times since making that decision.  It’s why when a guy asks me if I’m a top, bottom, or versatile kind of dude, I don’t have an answer – well, not one that would make sense to them because I know that I can be all of the above… or none of the above and all depending (a) on the situation at the moment and/or (b) how I’m feeling at any given moment.

So the best answer to this question probably should be, “The best bisexual you can be…” and not think so much about the roles that are involved.  Yeah, you gotta have some rules, develop preferences, stuff like that but I think that it’s best to really understand that you can change your mind about things… as long as they don’t violate that point you just will not go beyond for any reason and, yes, Virginia, everyone has this point and it is different for everyone, like, if a guy wants to truss me up like the proverbial Christmas goose and have his way with me, nope, that ain’t ever gonna happen, fella.  You just have to be willing to find the answers that’ll answer the question for you so that you can find your comfort zone in this because, uh, you’re the only one who can answer it.

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Posted by on 9 August 2015 in Today's Bisexual Thoughts


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