Here’s a bit of arrogance on our parts: We think that if we decide not to do something, we’re never going to do it. Now, for the most part, this isn’t a bad way to think… except one can never know what the future will bring us, what things will converge to get us to do something that we once said we’d never do. Even when we are aware of this rather obvious concept, don’t we persist in saying, “Hell, no, I ain’t ever gonna do (add some sexual thing here)!” I guess we behave like this because we believe that we’re in total control of everything that happens to us and even the things that haven’t happened… yet.
Cases in point time!
I’ve heard guys say that they’ll never have sex with another man – then they do; I’ve heard guys say that they’d never suck another man’s cock – then they do; I’ve heard guys say that they’d never stick their cock in another man’s ass – then they do; I’ve heard guys say that they’d never let another man fuck them in the ass – well, you see where this is going, don’t you? We are so sure that nothing will ever happen to make us change our minds about things and, indeed, there are some things that do fall into this category but I’m not talking about them but, yeah, even some of those seemingly inviolate things can be changed… because there’s just no way for us to know what can happen that will (a) get us to change our minds about something and (b) make it sound like a damned good idea to change our minds.
I’ve been with guys who have been hit with this phenomenon and even I learned not to say “never” about some shit, like my now-famous vow of abstinence where anal sex is concerned. At the time I made this declaration, I was pretty damned sure that I would never want or let another man fuck me and, in turn, do any ass-fucking and while I as I write this I’m still not all that sure why I made this decision, I felt that my reasoning – my justification – for not ever doing it again was not only sound but inviolate. There was just no fucking way that I was going to recant my vow to myself and I believed it… right up to the moment where another guy fucked me (and I loved it) and I was happily busting nuts in the rectums of other guys. Yeah… that things came together in a certain way and at a certain time to make me break my promise to myself was disturbing and even though I eventually got over feeling badly about this particular thing, it was a lesson in never making promises to yourself that the fickle finger of fate isn’t going to allow you to keep.
You learn that while you can say such things and mean them, it’s also okay for you to change your mind or maybe it’s accepting the fact that some external “force” can change your mind for you; sometimes it’s being so horny that you feel as if someone’s been spending their day kicking you in the nuts, you can’t get any pussy, and spanking the monkey only serves to frustrate you more – this is about the time you get a lesson in the power of lust and what it can make you do when it lands on you like a planetary body. Then it’s “any port in a storm” time and the guy who defiantly said that he’d never get busy with a dude finds himself in that very same situation – and enjoying every moment of it until, of course, he busts a nut and that damning moment of “absolute clarity” hits him – and now he’s kicking his own ass because he just did something he said he’d never do.
Sometimes and when you’re already down with the dick, the most dreaded heat of the moment thing can land on you like a wayward aircraft carrier and the next thing you know, you’re sucking on some other dude’s dick when, before the moment hit you, you said that you’d never polish some dude’s knob… and not only are you enjoying the feeling of a hard dick in your mouth, you’re also wondering why you never did it before now, well, up until that moment of clarity hits you and now you’re kinda not happy with yourself, oh, not because you sucked that dick and took that nut in your mouth: It’s because you said you’d never do it… and you’ve been proven wrong. Likewise with the anal sex thing; I’ve heard guys who are DWD (down with dick) say that they’d never be fucked and then, later, in the middle of some rather hot oral sex, I’m hearing him say, “Fuck me!” or “Put it in me!” or if they said that they’d never fuck another man’s ass, they’re practically begging me for the chance to get dick deep in me or, at the least, do the intercrural thing between my ass cheeks so they can bust that good nut.
Afterward, they don’t feel bad because the heat of the moment made them do something they said they’d never do – they feel bad because they broke their word but, um, that’s what you get for saying “never” in the first place. Again, I’m not saying that a guy can say “never” about something in this and make it stick… but I’m also sure that he remains inviolate about whatever he said never about because the right things haven’t happened at the right time, the right place,or with the right person. We want and need to believe that we’re in total control of ourselves and that nothing or no one can ever get them to change our minds about that which we say we’ll never do and it’s all right and proper… until it happens and then we get blindsided because, as far as we’re concerned, this shit came out of nowhere – we didn’t see it coming – and, um, yeah, there’s always a price to be paid for being short-sighted.
Newbie bi guys take note. You may be thinking about your first experience or maybe your fifth or tenth and you’ve already gotten it in your head that you’re never gonna do something – doesn’t matter why you’re never gonna do it – and you just gotta know that Mr.Murphy’s sense of humor is deeper and more “malicious” than you can imagine because right about the time you say, “I ain’t never gonna (add some sexual thing here)!” Mr. Murphy will say, “Really? Is that what you think? Ah, okay… man, do I have a surprise with your name on it! Now, wait for it…”
It’s not that things are unavoidable; you can decide that you’re not going to, say, suck dick or let a dude cum in your mouth or some other thing you don’t find pleasurable; you can set yourself to avoid these things and do a good job of avoiding them… but there’s a reason why they say to never say never and it’s because, again, you just have no way of knowing when shit is going to line up the right way and make “never” a reality. No, it’s not being weak-minded or in any way lacking personal integrity or anything that would suggest that you’re not a man of your word, even when it’s your word to yourself. This is simply about the fact that unless you’re a special kind of person, you’re not clairvoyant and incapable of seeing the future; there’s no way that you can see the plethora of things that can come together at some point in the future that’ll kinda/sorta make a “liar” out of you. Sure, you can envision scenarios to the best of your ability that’ll insure that you’ll never bend over and spread your cheeks widely so another dude can ease his way into your ass… but you can’t see every eventuality so you can go for years with “never” intact… and right up until you feel that cock going into you.
Ya might not want to do it; ya might get it in your mind that there’s no way in hell you’re ever going to do something you don’t want to do… and you just might be right about that… but you could be wrong and, given Mr. Murphy’s warped sense of humor, you won’t even see it coming. While a lot of us believe that things happen for a reason, eh, sometimes, things happen without reason – well, without a reason that makes sense to us. I’ve had those guys who’ve said they’d never suck cock blow the daylights out of me and then say, “I don’t know why I did that!” and I know – because I can see it in their eyes or their body language – that they’re searching for a reason for their behavior… and not find one. Yep, we tend to chalk this up to things just happening or assuring ourselves that we sucked that guy’s dick (and liked it while we were doing it) because it was “supposed” to happen and that things still happen for a reason even if we don’t understand said reason.
If nothing else, it makes us feel better about doing that which we said we’d never do to chalk it up to fate or the heat of the moment, or even it being inevitable and, thus, outside of our ability to control; it makes us feel less than better to think and/or realize that things just “conspired” against us at the right moment to change our mind about that which we said we’d never do. And, yes, I’ve seen guys after the fact behave as if they didn’t like or enjoy that “never” thing they just did and, rarely, they really didn’t have fun… but they usually do but I’m sure you can see how admitting that you like it could fuck with your head. And, for the record, I told myself that lie the first time I got fucked after I said I’d never do it again; I actually caught myself trying to convince myself that, okay, it happened but I didn’t like it when the truth was that all I had to do was think back a few minutes and see myself enjoying the feel of a dick in my ass again and how I felt when the guy came inside me.
It’s rather sobering to know that things can just happen in a way that’ll make you feel some kind of way when you wind up doing something that you said you’d never do; it’s as if Life doesn’t give a rat’s ass about what you said you’d never do – and will then go out of its way to arrange for you to do just that. It’s not all that mysterious – it’s just that despite what we say or think, we can change our minds about something and then do it on the fly and then do it without really being aware of a conscious thought being involved.
It’s just the way things can be. Maybe your “never” will, in fact, never happen… but you’d be smart to keep in mind that it just might happen and when you least expect it to…