While I was waiting for Windows to apply the forty updates Microsoft decided to dump on me – and then work on why and what had my processors redlined at 100% (and resolve that issue), I somehow to thinking about how a bi guy can get into a situation and then find that he’s in over his head or has bitten off more than he can chew. Of course, I thought about the times when that guy was me and what was going on in my head when I realized that, oops, this isn’t going to be as “simple” as I thought it was.
As with anything else in life, it’s not that you find yourself in deeper waters and now you’re treading it like it’s no one’s business – it’s what you do to get back to the shallow end of the pool… and then getting back safely. The bad news is that there’s no… protocol for this; it’s always situational and then you don’t know that you’re in over your head until you find yourself in an “Oh, shit!” moment and find that the rug has been pulled from under you. Sometimes and before the fact, you might get a sense from the guy who’s looking at you as if you’re something good to eat that, hmm, if I say yes (or if you asked him and he says yes), that might not be the smartest thing I’ve done lately; some guys just give off a vibe that’s so bad it’ll set your teeth on edge like the proverbial fingers on a chalkboard so when your brain goes on red alert and raises all your shields, it’s usually easy to avoid… future complications.
But sometimes, you don’t know that you’re in over your head until you actually are. Sometimes you sense that the vibe has changed or it can be something as “simple” as the other guy has way too much dick or you never bothered to probe deeper and now you’re weirded out because he’s uncut, homey’s shit is giving “hand signals” for a hard left or right turn, or anything else about his junk that, at the least, has you on yellow alert. It could be that the guy you talked to about having some fun was, during the conversations, mild-mannered, easy-going and just one hell of a nice guy… until you’re naked with him and now Mr. Hyde is poised to introduce himself.
Sometimes it can be one of those things where something’s about to happen that you didn’t count on or anticipate or just flat our didn’t expect; the “classic” situation is the other guy is now trying to get you into position to fill your ass with dick and you ain’t trying to hear it and, of course, you’re now doing your best not to wind up with a size 14 asshole. In any of this, it takes a clear head in order to prevent a catastrophe… which isn’t the usual state of mind when you realize you’ve bitten off more than you ever wanted to chew. Maybe you need to tell the guy no or tell him that the deal’s off altogether… or maybe you need to quickly reassess the situation and decide if you can, in fact, handle being in the deeper water.
But, yeah, there might be times when you’re in so quickly that there’s nothing you can do, well, nothing sort of initiating some violent act in order to “save” yourself. If violence isn’t possible or even warranted, yep, now you find yourself “drowning” because as strange as it sounds, sometimes the best thing to do in this situation is nothing – just let it happen and deal with it after the fact either with lots of words that makes your unhappiness with the situation known or, yeah, start kicking ass and taking names and birth dates.
I’ve found myself having to do all of the above, from just letting it happen to inflicting serious injuries so I can get back on solid ground again. It never made me feel good about finding out that the pool was deeper than I thought it was and while it’s easy to blame the other guy for this, sometimes, the fault was mine and for a lot of reasons – from not paying attention to what my instincts may have been telling me and up to and including finding out that, oh, shit, I couldn’t really handle this like I thought I could. It’s a pretty fucked up place and situation to find yourself in and I don’t know about other guys but I have, all after the fact and all late and wrong, sat back licking my wounds and wondering just how the hell the shit got fucked up… and then why I failed to even see that the shit was going wrong. I learned that when you can’t pick up any clues that the water is way deeper than you care for, there’s no way to avoid getting dragged into said deeper waters so now it’s a matter of doing whatever you can to get back to a depth that you can manage… and, hopefully, the guy who somehow managed to get you into this situation will agree that, yeah, getting back to where the water is only up to our chests is a good idea.
Yes, it’s always good to approach sex with another guy with a plan in place and one that covers every scenario you can think of along with all the contingency plans that back up the main plan… until the plan totally and utterly fails, of course; it’s true that no plan survives first contact with reality. So now is about your ability to improvise on the fly to either stop something from happening that you don’t want to happen or so you can deal with things. I thought back to the guy with the biggest cock I’d ever seen (live) or dealt with and the moment he dropped his gear and I saw all that dick limply hanging down to his knees and I knew that I was way in over my head; I remember my brain racing to revise and adapt my initial (and now worthless) plan and deciding that, okay, I think I can handle this monster and it just might be fun. And it was, too, but I didn’t exit from that encounter unscathed – that when I felt that anal sex wasn’t fun anymore and that was despite the fact that (a) he fucked me better than any man had in my past and (b) I had a nice time making him scream like an itty bitty bitch when I had my dick in his ass.
If you ever get in over your head – and I guess no matter how you handled the situation – what do you do about such things going forward? I learned that the best way to avoid getting in over your head when it comes to having sex with another man is to stop having sex with men – period – because if you do, you’re allowing yourself to be in a situation that may not go as you – or even the other guy – expected. You can tell yourself and with a great deal of certainty that you’re never gonna get into a mess like that again… and wind up getting messy somewhere down the road. It’s not exactly a mistake or even an error in judgement (although it could be this); it’s a thing that you never know what’s gonna happen until it happens. Again, I know that we get this thing in our heads that we’re only going to do what we’ve agreed to do or we have this list of shit we ain’t gonna do with a dude and, yeah, we sometimes get into this without giving a single thought to the fact that Mr. Murphy might show up unannounced because we’ve not given a thought about the fact that if something can go wrong, it will go wrong… well, not until we realize in that moment that it has gone wrong.
But it’s all about what you do or even don’t do when you find yourself in over your heard. As I was making my second cup of coffee, I thought about the time when this guy wanted oral sex and, hmm, so did I so we got into it. He was lying between my outspread legs, sucking my dick and balls and making everything feel so good; I remember thinking about how good a job he was doing on me and even looking ahead to when it was going to be my turn to show off my skills when he lifted my legs and started eating my ass. In retrospect, that should have seriously gotten my attention but, um, well, if you’ve ever been rimmed, okay, I don’t have to say anything else about that, right? When he stopped eating my ass and tried to mount me, well, that did get my attention; he’s trying to poke his knob into my ass and I said, “Stop!” and he said, “I’m sorry but I gotta do this!” and, shit, his knob is started to break into me and given that he had my legs all wrapped up (hard to move out of the way when you can’t get any leverage) I did the only thing I could do: I slapped him as hard as I could on his nose but I wasn’t trying to break it.
That stopped him dead in his tracks and he let go of me so I could sit up and ask him, “What the fuck was that all about? I thought we agreed that no fucking was going to happen!” As he continued to rub his stinging nose and wipe at his watery eyes, he confirmed that we agreed on oral-only but that he just got caught up in the moment and [stupidly] thought I wouldn’t mind – which I did; otherwise, he wouldn’t have gotten slapped. I didn’t like the way I had to handle that – he should have stopped when I said stop; he apologized, I apologize for giving him a bit of a bloody nose… and we still sucked each other off.
As I returned to the computer, I was kinda smiling to myself about that – but then wiped the smile off my face because if someone would have asked me if this really nice guy was going to try to fuck me, I would have confidently said no, he’s not gonna try. It’s not about assigning fault or blame about this; at that point in my life and experiences, I should have known and been aware of the fact that sex can make a motherfucker do some crazy shit and instead of being on “alert” for such things, I was complacent and so much that, as I said, when he lifted my legs up, I should have paid attention to the alert that went off in my head… but I didn’t. Okay… I wasn’t exactly in over my head nor did I bite off more than I could have chewed because I quickly figured how to get back to more shallow waters and in the least violent way I could to get his attention.
If nothing else, that encounter reminded me that sex can have some unpredictable effects; you think you’re playing in water you feel safe in – and then find out someone put some sharks in the pool faster than you can blink and ask what the fuck is going on. The best you can do is improvise, adapt and, yeah, if you have no other choice, overcome being in that rather unpleasant moment to find you’ve bitten off more than you’re willing to chew. It would be so nice if it were possible to know ahead of time that the pool is way deeper than you know it to be and in every situation… but that’s not possible. I came to figure that any time an encounter goes as expected, that’s a lucky break and more so since it could have gone wrong at any time and for any reason and without any warning.
The fact that I’ve been in over my head quite a few times should tell you that it’s not easy to avoid finding yourself in such a situation; sometimes I handled things successfully, sometimes I didn’t but the important thing I learned was that I’d swear to never let myself be in such a situation again… and it would happen again despite my diligence and other self-styled safeguards; I learned that even when the sex is “scripted,” the bottom can open up and threaten to swallow you (no, not in that good way) and drag you into the depths of the unknown. You can be proactive and learn to be more attentive to the details, like being able to read a guy’s body language and analyzing what he’s saying and other good stuff like that… but when it comes to this, eh, it’s usually all about being reactive and now it’s about how you’re going to react when you find that you’re in over your head.
Wait, before I go, I have to mention something that should be obvious: This situation isn’t sexuality specific – anyone at anytime can find themselves in over their head…