So I was reading this blog – https://assentivelyyours.wordpress.com/2015/08/18/compulsion-a-sexual-nature/ – and I thought it was pretty damned good and I hope he doesn’t delete it but, at the same time, man, reading about the guilt trip he was on just pushed some buttons on me and got me thinking about this guilt trip that our morality and society just loves for us to be on.
We have sexual desires because it’s part of being human, yet we do some pretty fucked up shit to ourselves to either deny that we have these feelings or allow ourselves to be convinced that our desires should only be directed in a certain direction. My man Assentively, like so many other married male bisexuals I know, feels guilty because he wants some dick and believes that because he is married and loves banging the shit out of his wife, he’s not supposed to have any other sexual desires.
And that’s bullshit of the highest order imaginable. Okay, like I told him, yeah, the rules – be monogamous, heterosexual, and semper fidelis (always faithful) – might prevent him from going out and getting up close and personal with another man’s cock; those same rules also say or otherwise imply that if he gets horny, it should only be for his female wife. The problem Assentively and other married bisexuals face is that what they feel – the desire for some same-sex action – is very and seriously real… but those damned rules (and the adherence to them) says that these feelings should always be ignored and if you can’t, well, you should feel very guilty.
I don’t know about any of you but I have a very difficult time trying to ignore the fact that I’m horny just like I know how totally frustrating it can be to be horny and not be able to do anything about it… but I’m not going to feel guilty because I’m with Linda and have great desire for her… but knowing that I can crave cock at any given time and without prior notification. It just is what it is, a part of the whole ball of wax when you’re bisexual.
We have all been conditioned and programmed to feel guilty for wanting something other than what we’re told we can have. If you’re married to a wonderful woman and you feel sexual desires for some other woman, you’re as wrong as it gets and you should feel guilty for your wickedness; if, by chance, it’s dick you desire as well, that makes you even more in the wrong and you now have to feel quadruply guilty, you perverted bastard!
The question one should ask in this is, “Why should I feel guilty?” then pay very close attention to the answers that’ll pop into your head right off the bat… then ask yourself if those answers really and truly make sense and maybe you’ll discover, as many married bisexuals have found, that they don’t make sense; morality and other societal things wouldn’t be aggressively trying to stop you from having “extra” feelings if they didn’t know it’s damned possible for a person to have them, right?
It’s easy to tell yourself that you shouldn’t feel these things because the rules say you’re not supposed to… but does that really change the fact that you’re having those feelings? Nope – it sure doesn’t; otherwise, you wouldn’t be having this conversation with yourself, would you? I don’t know about other married bi guys but I’m just not ever going to feel guilty for (a) being bisexual and (b) having the desire to make a hard dick a soft one. I might not do anything about my feelings but, fuck no, I’m never going to feel guilty for having the feelings and desires. Yep, in this, I thumb my nose at morality because I understand that, logically, it’s flawed and it does the one thing that just rubs me the wrong way: It seeks to control my feelings and “make” me do things in a way that clashes with the human being I am.
Homey ain’t trying to hear that; I’m not trying to hear that I should feel guilty because I have a magnificent woman but I still want to suck cock and no one and nothing is going to make me go on a guilt trip that I know is totally unnecessary. These are my feelings; I own them and, yes, I have a responsibility to keep them in check when called for – that means not doing something about what I’m feeling – but I can’t say it enough: I’m just not ever going to feel guilty because I want to suck dick… because it doesn’t make sense to feel guilty and, better, it doesn’t make sense for me to let guilt run my life. Yes, guilt is a powerful emotion and one that can overwhelm a person and in some very bad ways so if I want to avoid having to undergo years of therapy and being so medicated that I wind up being a zombie – and I say this without offense to Assentively – then letting guilt be in control is something I just cannot allow to happen.
Do I know I’m breaking the rules? Of course I do but ask me if I give a fuck about that so much that I’m gonna feel guilty about it… and I think you can guess how I’d answer. Yes, one part of me “knows” I should be feeling so much guilt it isn’t even funny but the bigger part of me says, nope, ain’t going there; taking that guilt trip is worse than wanting to suck another man’s cock. I can’t make other bi guys not feel guilty about their same-sex desires but I can ask them to question whether or not it makes sense to feel guilty over being who and what they are.