In his comment to “TBT: The Guilt Trip,” Myarousal said, “…I member when I was younger with my best friend Rene. He was always feeling guilty when we first began sucking each others cocks. I used to ask him why. He always said because we aren’t supposed to do that……I would ask…… “then why do you?”“
Why indeed? This writing is a bit of a return about feeling guilty about being bisexual and more so if you’ve thrown down with some sex at any point in your life. Once more, it’s “normal” to feel guilty anytime you do something you know you’re not supposed to do, like, getting with your best friend and sucking the daylights out of each other and then if you feel (or felt) guilty, the question you should be asking yourself is why do you keep doing it?
For most of us, the question is, in fact, a rhetorical one and pretty damned obvious: We keep (or kept) doing it because we wanted to, because it felt good to do it unless, of course, it was one of those situations where one is forced to do it and, yes, this includes peer pressure but I’m not talking about these exceptions at this time. For all those bisexuals who haven’t taken the sexual plunge – but are feeling guilty over their thoughts, it’s a slightly different question, i.e., if you keep thinking about this, have you given any thought as to why you can’t banish these salacious and intriguing thoughts from your mind even though you know you’re not supposed to have them at all? I’ve known a lot of bisexuals who have fervently wished that they could stop thinking about bisexuality and, despite their best efforts, they can’t stop the thoughts and feelings from showing up and because they can’t, they feel guilty. These folks in particular always seem to spend more time feeling guilty and thinking about why they shouldn’t be feeling and/or thinking about these things than they do pondering why they’re feeling and thinking like this to begin with.
Guilt, as I allowed yesterday, is a very powerful and conditioned emotion; you do something “wrong,” you should always feel badly about it… except, um, if you keep doing something “wrong” and you keep feeling guilty about doing it, there has to be a reason why (a) you keep doing it and (b) you continue to feel guilty about something that, in fact, you enjoy doing – the phrase “guilty pleasure” exists for a reason, right?
In my own experiences, I’ve encountered folks who have gotten with me, had a fun good time, but then have felt guilty about it. The first time, okay, it’s not hard to figure out why Guilt is paying them a visit… but for those who came back for more of the same, well, we’re back to the question Myarousal asked: Why do you keep doing it? I’ve seen folks tap dance all around the obvious answer by saying things like, “It sounded like a good idea at the time…” or “I felt that if I didn’t, you’d be disappointed or upset…” or similar things. I never discount these things but there are some things that kinda stand out, like the lessons we are supposed to learn about thinking first before acting, or, if you know you’re getting ready to do something wrong, then don’t do it and no matter how great the urge is to do it. We all learn this right and proper approach to dealing with things and, by and large, we stay true to this… sometimes… and when it comes to things sexual, well, sometimes it is easy to resist the urge to do something or to resist any “pressure” being put upon you to do something but, really, if the proposition hits the table and you’re out of your clothes and diving right in, it doesn’t make a whole lot of sense to feel guilty about something that you wanted to do, does it?
Now, I’ve encountered a few guys who have told me, “I don’t like the way this makes me feel!” and one can reasonably assume that Guilt is tap dancing all over their tonsils but the question I’ve asked is a simple one: “If you don’t like the way this makes you feel, why do you keep doing it?” Some have said that they keep “making the same mistake” because they’re hoping that maybe the next time they do it, they won’t feel some kind of way about doing it. I’ve asked them if they like doing whatever – sucking dick, fucking, etc. – and some have reluctantly admitted that, yes, they do like whatever they’re doing… but, at least to me, they clearly cannot mitigate the guilt they’re feeling. I even understand that when Guilt doesn’t start kicking you in the ass before the fact, it can show up in the middle of things or wait until you bust a nut and then show up to fuck with you. I understand this because there was a time when Guilt would do this to me; I’d be peeling off my clothes and Guilt’s telling me, “You know you shouldn’t be doing this!” or I’d be in the middle of having sex and Guilt will deliver the same message or Guilt lies in wait for me to have my sexual fun and then, when I cum, snap-kick me in the gut and tell me, “You know good and damned well you shouldn’t have done this and enjoyed it!”
Which, obvious, didn’t change the fact that I did it and enjoyed it, huh? And it sure as hell didn’t stop me from doing it again, did it?
So, yeah, I know how Guilt can fuck with you about this and while I’ve never learned to put a permanent gag on Guilt, I did learn to ignore its dire warnings of wrongness. Not for every situation life can throw at you but, nah, I choose not to listen to Guilt when it’s time to have some fun with another guy’s cock. Guilt will continue to remind me that I shouldn’t have that guy’s dick in my mouth and I sure as hell shouldn’t be having fun doing it… and my response is, “Yeah, I know… so go away and let me handle this and maybe we’ll talk later… or not at all.”
Why do I keep doing something I know I shouldn’t be doing? Because I love doing it and Guilt is designed to make me not like it and to not ever do it… and I gotta ask Guilt, “How’s that been working for you, hmm?” I should feel guilty… but I’m not going to feel guilty for doing something I want to do and, at least for me, it’s all about who is driving the car here, me or the conditioning put in place to make me feel badly any time I go against the sexual rules and Guilt just ain’t gonna be behind the wheel and taking me places I don’t want to go. Yes, it’s an effort of will to go against this conditioning; some of us have no problems putting Guilt in its place (behind a triple-locked door and in the deepest dungeon we can create in our minds) while others struggle with getting a grip on their feelings of guilt whenever they think, feel, or do something about their bisexuality.
I just recalled a moment when a guy was happily blowing me when he stopped, looked at me and said, “I shouldn’t be doing this – it’s wrong!” – and then went right back to sucking me with even greater gusto; when I asked him about that later – and, specifically why he didn’t stop when he realized he was doing something wrong – he said, “Shit, I was having fun sucking your dick! I know I should have stopped but, fuck that!” He told me that he was feeling guilty when it was my turn to suck him off and his guilt was telling him to make me cease and desist… but he overruled Guilt and went back to enjoying getting his brains sucked out through his cock. We spent quite a bit of time talking about that guilty feeling that wants to stomp on us for even thinking about wanting some dick and how we manage to not pay it a lot of attention and “simply” because it doesn’t make sense to feel guilty about something you want and like to do.
When I’ve talked with those bisexuals who have to deal with Guilt – but have never taken the sexual plunge – like I said earlier, they find themselves wishing they could stop thinking and feeling the way they do and some go out of their way to prevent these thoughts and feelings from “invading” their minds and when they’ve asked me how they can make it all stop, I admit to not being able to answer the question because if there’s a way to shut your mind down like this, I’m not aware of it… and I’m not sure it’s really a healthy thing to do. They wanna know if it’s “normal” to feel and think like this and I tell them that, yes, it is… even though the rules say we shouldn’t. It creates a conflict within them and one that’s happening even when they’re not actively thinking about it; there’s the rules of right and wrong concerning sex and sexuality… and then there’s what your mind and body are telling you that is so contrary to those rules and now the question becomes one of exactly why are you fighting with yourself? No, the answer isn’t always just to surrender to those feelings – but it is about not feeling guilty about what is obviously a part of the human condition and a condition that the rules have attempted to curtail… and not with a great deal of success, I might add; if the rules were 100% effective, there wouldn’t be any bisexuals in existence, let alone homosexuals, swingers, polyamorous folks, yada, yada.
So, yeah: If you’re feeling guilty about doing it, why do you keep doing it? If you feel guilty just thinking about it – why would you feel guilty about it and more so if the thoughts and feelings never really just “go away?” And if you’re not questioning this, um, why aren’t you? If you’ve thought about this and you’ve learned that either doing or thinking does, in fact, make you feel good and it feels right, ask yourself if it makes sense to feel guilty about any of it – and maybe you’ll see that it really doesn’t make sense and that the rules we’ve been conditioned to obey without question should be questioned.