I don’t seem to have much in the way of “organized” thoughts about male bisexuality today, although one of the stray thoughts I started my day with was this whole deal going on with Ashley Madison, the site that got hacked and a lot of people got outed: I saw an RSS news feed blurb that mentioned that since the hack, a whole lot of women have signed up to the site; the associated article said, in short, that even though the site got hacked, it’s still business as usual and this new influx of women signing up speaks to this assertion.
I saw a blog the other day where the blogger was giving men the business for being on this site and being unfaithful and, as a man, I thought the opinion was unfair since the Ashley Madison site is also populated by women who are looking to have an affair… or two or three… so if men are a bunch of unfaithful curs for using this site what, if anything, does it say about the women who are there for the same reason?
How is this related to male bisexuality? I guess it kinda/sorta loosely ties in when you look at the mindset in play and the insistence that everyone in a relationship is semper fidelis, no exceptions, no excuses and is an integral part of the mindset that insists that everyone be heterosexual… even though we know good and damned well that not everyone in a relationship is going to always be faithful and we know that not everyone is straight.
Why hasn’t our collective mindset changed about these things? Why is it so difficult to accept that there are a lot of people around the world who don’t want to be faithful, might have a damned good reason not to be faithful and, oh, yeah, maybe some of these unfaithful, immoral motherfuckers have no inclination to be heterosexual, full-time or not at all? The facts are out there, personified by millions of people who believe that being monogamous and heterosexual just isn’t the only way for people to exist… yet the facts continue to be ignored and are still presumed to be the wrong way to exist… and this abject denial just simply doesn’t make any sense.
If it looks like a duck and quacks like a duck, doesn’t that mean that ducks do exist?
I’ve spent a large part of my life wondering about shit like this. As I’ve said a lot of times, it’s not as if we’re not taught the rules once we’re old enough to understand them and we believe that this is the way things have to be, only to begin to experience life and find out that, no, that’s not quite the way things are taking place in the real world. We start to learn that both things can’t be right; if everyone is supposed to be monogamous and straight, then why are there so many people who aren’t monogamous and straight? Many of us won’t even dare to listen to a question like this, let alone try to answer it because it’s been hammered home that we should never question this aspect of life… but there are also many of us with the temerity to question the status quo and find fault in its existence and purpose because, obviously, there are too many people in the world who are, in fact, not playing by the rules and for whatever reason that may be.
And these things aren’t a modern-day problem: These things have been going on for longer than anyone would care to remember; we tend to not pay much attention to the fact that there were many times in our species’ history where husbands or wives were expected to take lovers on the side, that there were bisexuals and homosexual everywhere and it wasn’t a big deal that they were as long as they were being discrete about it or, in some cultures, playing by a specific set of rules.
We continue to fail to learn from history… so we keep repeating it and perpetuating the same “mistakes” that have been present ever since someone “put their foot down” and decided that everyone has to be monogamous and straight. We keep being shocked and offended by the actions of people who aren’t being monogamous and straight and we’re more than willing to condemn them to whatever hell or purgatory they believe in… while blithely ignoring the fact that it’s just people being the way people have always been… and they say that those of us who don’t always or exactly (or never) play by the rules are the ones with the problem and considered to be morally bankrupt and, I dunno, you just gotta wonder about this and find where any of this behavior actually makes any sense.
There’s the way things are supposed to be… and then there’s how things really are. Men aren’t the only ones out there looking to be unfaithful; women are out there in droves as well and the reasons why don’t really matter in the grand scheme of things since it’s still just people being the way people have always been – and the same thing applies to sexuality; the way things are supposed to be is that no man or woman should ever be bisexual or homosexual – there’s no reason for it and all that good shit – which doesn’t change the fact that there are bisexuals and homosexuals (and some of them are, have been, might be unfaithful if need be) because it’s still just people being the way people have always been.
Morality, where monogamy and sexuality is concerned, does work for many people so let’s not lose sight of this important fact… but let’s not lose sight of the equally important fact that not being monogamous and not being straight also works for many people… and, as it’s been said by many people (and some of them are much smarter than I am), if being monogamous and straight really worked the way its said to work, then everyone would always and forever be monogamous and straight.
And it’s still pretty damned obvious that this isn’t the case and never really has been. I understand that we should behave like we’re civilized, that there are certain things that are supposed to be beneath us – like not being monogamous and straight – and that the majority firmly believes that this is the best way for us to be as a species… but if we have reason not to behave in this way – and there are so many reasons for not behaving in the prescribed and mandated way that even I couldn’t write about all of them – then what, exactly, does everyone think is going to happen? I even thought that the mandate to be monogamous and straight is, in fact, unenforceable; the punishments for not toeing the line, while being inhumanly extreme over our history – like putting people to death – have done nothing to stop people from behaving the way they feel they have or need to.
Some say that because there are those of us who aren’t monogamous and straight, our species is doomed, that this lack of morality will undo all that we’ve worked to achieve and that our veneer of civility will be sorely eroded… and all without really thinking that we are, in fact, evolving and faster than morality can deal with… and that very much disturbs a great many people. I cannot say that those staunch supporters of being monogamous and straight are fighting a losing battle in that sense but they are fighting a battle against change and those who resist change tend not to do well in the long run.
I do have to point out that this isn’t just my opinion; it’s impossible for me to be the only one who sees what’s going on here and how the old ways of doing things are being changed… but not necessarily totally discarded. You don’t have to agree and you don’t even have to like what I’ve written here and if it offends you, sorry about that – and I really am but I’m still the guy who will speak to shit that no one else really wants to.