A few things have come together today. It’s my 60th birthday, it’s the 52nd anniversary of the day I lost my virginity and became sexually active, it’s the first day of fall and, oh, it’s Bisexuality Day! As these thing coalesced in my mind, I thought, “Man, that’s a lot of shit happening today!”
It’s strange when you can sit back and think about your life, dredging up so many memories, so many hallmark moments as well as those key moments in time that wind up changing your life forever and no matter if they were good, bad, or made me feel indifferent; it makes one appreciate how diverse their life has been and I’m seeing that the bolder the steps you take along the way, the more diverse and rich your life becomes.
On the day when so many things have converged, I find myself thinking about it all and how sex and my sexuality has played into so much of the richness I’ve experienced while asking the rhetorical question, “If I hadn’t had my first sexual experience in the middle of my birthday party, what would my life had been like?” It’s a question that cannot be answered… but I have this niggling thought in the back of my mind that if I hadn’t, um, my life probably wouldn’t have been as exciting because I wouldn’t have had the incentive to be bold, to be daring, to pretty much buck the system and, at times, spit in the face of conventional thinking…
And I don’t regret any of it. As I turn 60 today, I fully understand that living isn’t about being who everyone else thinks you should be – it’s about being the person you need to be; it’s about not always playing it safe and never taking any risks – fortune does favor the bold, after all – and then, later in life, not sitting around and finding yourself wishing that you had done some things that you didn’t do… but now you realize that you should have. It’s not even about looking back and saying to yourself, “Damn, I wish I hadn’t done (add something here)…” because, duh, ya did it and once it’s done, it can’t be undone – life is also about living with the consequences of your actions… or your inactions.
On the day I’ve turned 60, I’m still of a mind to figure out what kind of nice trouble I can get myself into, not because I don’t know any better but simply because it’s a lot of fun being a rebel of sorts and, along the way, learn so much shit about living that at times it seems like it can’t all fit inside my head… and there’s still so much to be learned and experienced so that I can keep spitting in the face of conventional thinking, not with impunity, mind you, but defiantly making a statement that I’m still not going to be boring, not going to be a lemming and blindly follow along with the crowd and if you tell me that I’m not supposed to do a thing or shouldn’t do it, I still wanna find out why and, um, there is only one way to find out.
I cannot honestly say that I’ve done it all… but, yeah, I’ve done some shit and – get this – by being unconventional and swiping a few things from conventional thinking (and while it was wiping the spittle from its face) because life is all about finding what works for you and then doing all the shit to keep making it work; it’s about not always saying, “If it ain’t broke, don’t fuck with it!” – it’s about breaking it so you can fuck with it… and just because you can and more so if you’re not supposed to fuck with it – where’s the fun in that? But, most of all, it’s about doing all this shit and while trying to be as smart about it as you can and doing your best to avoid the many pitfalls that can bring your party to a crashing, ignoble halt.
Turning 60 is a milestone and one that I’ve been blessed to have reached… but I’m not coasting at this point because there are still so many things to see, do, and learn… and, yeah, even more rebellious trouble to get into. We spend so much of our lives striving to toe the line, to live up to sets of standards which are deemed appropriate, just, and right for us to adhere to and, again, while there is some worth to be found in this, nah, being a bad boy is just too much fun… and being a bisexual bad boy even more fun.
The convergence of these things on this day serve to remind me that life is good and it’s only going to be as good as you want to make it and, yep, sometimes, breaking a few rules and taboos can make life good, too – there’s nothing like knowing you still love to suck cock to keep the juices flowing, if ya know what I mean…