A former lover had asked me this question which was just one of the many questions she had asked about my sexuality. My initial response to her question was to ask her what she meant by “easier” and she further qualified her question by asking if guys were easier when compared to women… and I groaned inwardly; having this kind of conversation wasn’t an easy one to have and more so when you’re talking to a woman. For a moment, I gave some thought about not answering the question at all but I wound up giving her my take on it by saying, “When I think about what I might have to face when trying to get a woman into bed and compare it against trying to do the same thing with a guy, guys are easier.”
As expected, she took offense to my answer, prompting me to remind her not to ask me questions she didn’t want to hear the answers to; she eventually calmed down and asked me to explain further if I could. I told her that for the most part, guys who are into having sex with other guys don’t have the same hangups about doing it that women do, like, we don’t particularly worry about being used just for sex, not concerned with whether or not we’re valued as a person and that men tend to be more straight to the point… but that’s not true for all guys like me.
I could see the confusion going on in her mind via the slightly glazed look in her eyes so to illustrate things a little better, I asked her to remember what went down between us before we had sex for the first time and how we went around the bush several times (and for about a week) before we finally got around to doing it. While she thought about this, I said that if I had this conversation with a guy – and one who I knew would be down for it – chances were good that we would have gotten into it in a matter of minutes and after we assured each other that we could do this without any witnesses; we wouldn’t have gotten all into worrying about being respected or left hanging; guys always want to protect their reputation and, if they’re keeping their bisexuality under wraps, well, it makes sense that he wouldn’t want a lot of people finding out that pussy ain’t the only thing he enjoys. So, in a basic sort of way, as long as nothing’s going to happen that he doesn’t want to happen, okay, let’s go somewhere and do this thing.
She asked me if we worry about not being satisfied and I allowed that, yes, some guys are as concerned about this as women are but that, again, not all guys have this concern and, no, I couldn’t tell her exactly why this is because it all depended on the guy and where his head was at the moment. She asked, “So, if you and some dude agree to suck each other’s dick, you’re not worried about it being bad?”
I sighed and looked up for a second before saying, “Personally, no; I’ve learned not to think in those terms… but some guys do but we can be so straightforward about it that we just know that the only way to find out if it’s gonna be good or not is to do it.”
“So, um, if either of you didn’t like what happened, do you worry about him going around and telling people that you don’t know what you’re doing?” she asked.
“I used to but realized that it doesn’t really matter,” I said, sighing again. “But, yeah, some guys just might do that… but in my experiences, that usually doesn’t happen.”
“So what you’re saying is that men tend not to worry about the shit a woman would be worried about?” she asked.
“Basically, yes; once it’s clear that there’s some interest to do something, it’s really about when and where and not much else,” I said, trying to sum it up and, honestly, put an end to this conversation… but I knew she wasn’t going to let it go that easily.
“Don’t you worry that the other guy might try something you don’t want to do?” she asked.
“Well, yeah,” I admitted. “I’ve learned that even though when it’s been made clear what you want to do, some guys might want to make, ah, changes; if we agreed to suck each other off but then he wants to fuck, you don’t exactly worry about that but if you don’t want to do that, you’re on the lookout just in case. I wouldn’t say that it’s exactly worry in that sense… you’re just aware that something could jump off that wasn’t agreed to in the beginning. Sometimes, you really and literally have to watch your ass, if you know what I mean.”
“Wait a minute – you mean that all guys don’t fuck each other?” she asked.
“Not always; some guys ain’t into that either way and, sometimes, all a guy wants is a blow job,” I said with a shrug. “It just depends and I can’t explain it any better than that. When a guy hits on me, the only thing going on in my mind is whether or not I want to do something with him and if there’s anything I don’t like about him, nothing’s gonna happen no matter how much he begs or tries to pressure me into doing something with him.”
“You’re not worried that he’d try to make you do it?” she asked.
“Not really; I don’t get intimidated and, yeah, I do know how to fight,” I said. “But the bottom line is that if we want to do something with each other, we don’t have to go through the stuff that women put us through; we’re not worried about being seen as easy, not worried about making a mistake that will cause regret. If you remember what we talked about when we met, you were worried about a lot of stuff and, most of all, I had to prove to you that I was worthy of getting into your panties, right?”
“Yeah…” she said cautiously.
“Most guys don’t go through all of that; it’s “What do you want to do and where can we do this?” – and then it’s on,” I said. “With you, it took a week before you decided that it would be okay for us to have sex; with a guy, that same decision can be made almost instantly. Safety is always a concern, of course, but we don’t get all into whether we like each other a whole lot or whether or not we’re gonna like each other after it’s all said and done; maybe we will, doesn’t matter if we don’t.”
“A guy could just walk up to me and tell me that he’s interested in having sex with me and, unless I had a reason, I’m not going to freak out on him because he asked me to go to bed with him; like I said, if I don’t feel like being bothered or I’ve picked up a bad vibe coming from him, I’ll just thank him and tell him that I’m not interested; he might be miffed or whatever and he might even try to convince me to change my mind. Maybe I would, maybe I wouldn’t… but, still, I’m not gonna go off the deep end if he, say, asks me to suck his dick.”
“You can’t walk up to a woman and say, “Hey, can I eat your pussy?” – I don’t have to tell you what would happen, right?” I asked. “Women are just funnier about this than guys are; you just might been thinking that you wanted your pussy eaten but because the guy was so direct about it, you’d flip the hell out on him for having the nerve to ask such a question. Y’all are just weird; you want us to be honest about what we want and when we are honest about our intentions, you get all offended, just like you would if we lied to you about our intentions.”
“I think I understand it now,” she said after a very long period of being silent.
“Once you get a feel for this, it does make sense and maybe you can see that guys are easier to get into bed than women are,” I said. “But you gotta understand that just like there are women who can make it easy for you to screw them, there are guys who can make it very difficult to get into bed – it’s just the way it goes. I don’t know about other dudes but in my experiences, it’s easier to get busy with a guy than it is with a woman because we just cut right to the chase, state our intentions, then decide yea or nay. I even remember what you said after we finally did it; you told me that you had made up your mind to have sex with me after we talked that first night and after I left… but you also decided to wait just the same; most guys won’t do that and if they did, it’s because they don’t have the time to do it right then and there, don’t have a place to do it, or just have some other shit they need to do. For us, I’d have to say that it’s more about logistics more than anything else; the respect is implied and we’re not trying to have a relationship with each other – we just want to bust a nut and the sooner, the better.”
“It’s not that we don’t care about anything; when it’s guy-on-guy, it’s all about getting right to the heart of the matter and kinda asking, “Do you want to do something?” and then deciding what that something is going to be. Yeah, we hope that whatever we’re gonna do is gonna be good and all that but there’s only one way to find out; if it turns out to be what the doctor ordered, fine – but if it doesn’t, well, okay I still got my rocks off. Anything can go wrong but while we might have that in our head, you won’t know if it will go wrong unless you do it. The real bottom line in this is that dudes can be direct and to the point about what they want to do with another guy… but when it comes to some women, we have to jump through a lot of hoops.”
“Okay,” she said. “So, who does it better – men or women?”
I sighed heavily and asked the good Lord to give me strength and some extra serenity. “I wouldn’t even try to answer that question except to say that I’ve had both good and bad sex with men and women – and that depends on how one cares to define good and bad.”
“Do men suck dick better than women?” she asked.
“Sometimes,” I said, sighing again – man, I really didn’t like these conversations! “Just speaking for myself, it doesn’t matter who’s better; what I’ve learned to appreciate is the fact that someone wants to suck my dick and simply because they could say no to that. And before you ask, yes – I’ve been sucked off more by men than women but I’ve also learned that just because I got sucked off doesn’t necessarily mean that the person is good or bad at it.”
“That doesn’t make sense,” she said, frowning.
“I’m not surprised,” I said, echoing her frown. “Like, you said to me that you hoped that I was as good at eating pussy as I said I was… but when it comes to having my dick sucked, if you’re gonna do it, in my mind and the way I look at it, you’re already good no matter what you wind up doing; it’s all about how you make me feel more than whatever the end result is. I personally don’t care if it’s ‘good’ or not – I just care about two things: Someone is sucking my dick and they’re making me feel good.”
“This whole thing gets so complicated,” I said, feeling very frustrated. “Can we change the subject now?”
“Okay, but I’m just trying to understand this,” she said. “You make it sound like women are wrong for wanting to take time to decide to do it or not.”
“I’m not saying that at all; what I’m trying to say is that a woman will take as much time as she feels she needs to to make the decision to have sex and that’s within her rights; but when it’s just guys, we just don’t take a whole lot of time to make that decision and because it might take a few minutes for that decision to be made, yeah, guys are easier to get into bed than women are… but not always; I know some guys who make a lot of women look stupidly easy by comparison.”
“Let’s go get something to eat,” she said.
“Works for me,” I said and feeling damned happy that this conversation was over for now.