Sometimes I wonder if the people who don’t quite understand bisexuality actually thinks that a man just gets up on morning and says to his reflection in the mirror, “I think I’ll go out and get some dick later!” when, in fact, the man in question has never played with a dick other than his own; as I like to say, you just don’t wake up one morning and decide that you’re gonna be bisexual… unless you have a reason that’s already in your head.
I was sipping on my coffee and thinking about how guys can get on the path to being bisexual and a few came to mind, from being molested to “boys being boys” and including taking the plunge out of desperation and/or sexual frustration and, yes, just being very damned curious about what it would be like. You can also include blaming it on the alcohol (or that really good, kick-ass weed) as well. In the times when I’ve talked to other men about being bi, how they got started is rather important because if you know this – and that’s if the guy you’re talking to will tell you – then it makes understanding him better.
Some guys have told me that they had always felt a strong attraction to guys and gals but couldn’t quite make sense of it and that’s not surprising since, as you know, when we’re young, we’re told that we should only be attracted to girls, no ifs, ands, or buts about it. You’re told this… but what you’re feeling is very different; it creates a conflict that can make a guy make a resolution to himself to stay the course and only be attracted to women… or can prod them into finding out why they’re feeling the way they do.
A lot of men I’ve talked to over the years got their start fooling around with friends – I’d have to say that this is the “typical” way. As I’ve written in the past, wow, when you get a few guys together and they’re bored and horny, well, it shouldn’t be all that surprising that jumping each other’s bones might wind up on the list of things to do. Some men get started thanks to emotional lability – they’re down in the dumps for some reason (and usually because they got dissed or dumped by a girl they were in love with) and they were talking to a friend about it and then, um, it just happened. And, yes, quite a few guys got started because of, ah, let’s call them immoral acts so we can be, um, delicate about it, okay? Some guys said they were “willing” participants while some guys said that they weren’t so willing… but once they had that first experience, it stuck to them like Gorilla Glue.
Some of these guys even said that no matter how much they tried to shake this experience and remain heterosexual, trying to scrub the experience from their memories proved to be difficult; they told me that while they got onto the path of heterosexuality, the allure of doing it with a man eventually gained dominance in their minds and, well, they found themselves going back into the deep end of the pool (to remain PC about it). Because society takes a very dim view of these, um, immoral acts, the collective shame we all are made to feel tends to make us behave as if such things never really happen… but they do and while we also tend to believe that this kind of beginning is always harmful, we also tend to ignore the fact that, um, it’s not always as harmful as we’ve been told. I’m not saying that guys who get started like this don’t get traumatized – and more so if they weren’t a willing participant – but I am saying that some guys don’t experience or suffer any emotional trauma at all.
Indeed, one guy I talked to said that he didn’t know what the big deal about it was given that, way back in the day, doing it with an adult or even a relative was fine and dandy and, of course, he was right-on about that but, as I said, our morality makes us conveniently forget this aspect of human sexuality even though we have laws in place to punish those who dare to buck the system in this manner, none of which have done much to make this particular initiation go away.
Quite a few men got started in this because of their dissatisfaction with women; either they’re not getting the sex from a woman that they need or they’re just damned unlucky when it comes to attracting women to their bed. In either situation, they wind up taking the plunge out of desperation; in their minds, they have no other choice than to partake of cock. Some guys who took this path have told me that they decided to go this way because masturbating frequently either barely took the edge off or just flat-out didn’t provide any relief. As one guy told me right before we sucked each other’s brains out, “Man, I gotta do something… and this is better than nothing, ya know?” Some guys admitted that they found themselves with a woman who either wouldn’t suck his dick or never did it to his satisfaction (read this as sucking them off); some said that they turned to men because they were interested in anal sex and their woman (or any woman they came across) wasn’t trying to hear taking a hard one in the ass for love or money… but they knew there were men out there who wouldn’t hesitate to bend over and spread their cheeks.
Along these lines, a few guys related to me that they decided that checking out some dick action was a part of a logical progression for them, i.e., they’d had all kinds of sex with women and found that they’d done pretty much “all” that can be done with a woman and asked themselves what other sexual pleasures can be had so turning to sex with men just made sense to them; some even admitted that despite their success with women, they’d always been curious about what it would be like to get with another guy. For them, it’s not about love and affection; it’s simply and purely about having another option for getting their rocks off. One of the asides in this is part of what can be called that “thug mentality,” which really isn’t about being a crook or some other kind of bad guy. I had a conversation with a “thug” once and he said that we – Black men – should be able to show each other a lot of love and respect and it can include having sex with each other and, indeed, there are a lot of men (and not necessarily Black men) who feel that if you can’t throw down with another guy, well, you just ain’t a man at all. I recall searching the Internet for more information and came across what I’ll call “The Thug Credo” and, in so many words, yeah, having sex with your fellow brother wouldn’t be a bad thing to do since it proves (a) their allegiance to each other as men and (b) they are, in fact, man enough to do what other men are very afraid to do. If you’ve ever heard the saying, “Bros before hoes,” it’s not a condemnation of women – the thug credo insists that women are always shown much love and respect; it’s about having a brother’s back in all things which includes getting with him and laying some pipe together if it’s called for.
I’ve been asked why men choose to get started in this and I have, at times, replied, “You don’t know a whole lot about men, do you?” I mean, seriously, if you really understand that we have this very strong, built-in imperative to have sex, then it shouldn’t surprise anyone that a guy could choose to have sex with another man… and that’s despite being able to have sex with women. Sometimes I think that male bisexuality gets romanticized thanks to gay men in that men choose to sexually interact with other men because they want to have a loving relationship and all that good stuff… and while I’d never say that there aren’t bisexual men who are, in fact, into it for these reasons – they just love men like they love women – it’s almost a given that most of the bisexual men I know of are in it for the sex. Indeed, there are many gay men who aren’t all that interested in falling in love and settling down with another guy – they just love and want the dick and all they can get. So, in a sense, gay men aren’t all that different from bisexual men with the one glaring difference being that bisexual men just love the shit out of pussy and gay men, eh, not so much.
Our morality says that men should only have sex with women and to most people (generally speaking) it doesn’t make any sense for a man to want to have sex with another man given (a) our morality and (b) the fact that there are plenty of women who are more than willing to give up the box… and as if that’s an easy and simple thing to do. Despite this collective mindset, it doesn’t change the fact that there are men who, at some point in their lives, decide that while pussy is the bomb shit, um, so is another man’s cock. If someone is trying to figure out why a guy loves pussy and dick, yup, it really does help to understand how they got started with this and what their motivation is. What makes this difficult is that most people just hold true to the fact that men aren’t supposed to want sex from another man… and despite all the evidence that clearly contradicts this stance. They don’t understand it because such things offends their sensibilities because, again, sex is supposed to only take place between men and women so understanding this is damned problematic and because, in my opinion, they’re really unwilling to change their minds or adjust their sensibilities and get their heads around the fact that, yeah, there are really guys who enjoy having sex with men and women… and with men simply because it’s sex.
As I like to say, there’s the way things are supposed to be… then there’s the way things really are… and the truth is that there are a lot of men who love pussy to death but have also learned in some way that playing with another guy’s dick really isn’t as bad as everyone says it is. So to understand the why of it all, sure, it helps to understand how a guy got started. Yes, not all men who have had an initial experience go on to have other experiences; hey, playing with dick really ain’t for everyone! There are, however, many men who got started in some way and it just stayed with them; they know that they’re supposed to have sex with women and they do pack girlfriend’s stuff for her… but doing it with women isn’t the only way to have this much-needed pleasure. If the “logic” of this could stand up to the negative emotional responses and objections to such behavior, eh, getting your head around how and why a guy got started on the path of bisexuality wouldn’t be all that hard to understand and, damned right, in order to understand a bi guy’s beginning, you really and serious have to get rid of all those preconceived notions that have been hammered into our heads,
Men “simply” find themselves having sex with other men and for a lot of reasons. We see this as being unnatural, thanks to our morality, but the truth we work hard at denying is that, for whatever reason, men have been having sex with men and women for so long that no one knows when bisexuality (in particular) actually happened for the very first time. If one’s mind is truly as open as they think it is, then hearing how a guy got started on the path of bisexuality and, importantly, his thoughts and reasoning for staying on this path, wouldn’t be all that difficult and more so if you can keep in mind that just because it doesn’t make sense to you doesn’t mean it doesn’t and shouldn’t make sense to the bi guy in question. Sadly, a lot of people aren’t all that interested in the whys of it all; they’re too focused on what’s being done and pointing out all the bad shit that can happen and this mindset just makes understanding why a man is bisexual much more difficult to comprehend.
All of us had that very first time and we had it in varying ways, some “typical,” some “sordid” – that’s just the way things went down. Not all of us experienced that expected trauma; many of us had our eyes opened to the wealth of possibilities and, yeah, for some of it, being able to get some dick and pussy just makes damned good sense. In trying to make sense of a bi guy’s beginnings, you just cannot approach this with a closed mind; you have to be able to accept that just because the rules say that shit ain’t supposed to go down like this, it does go down like this. You have to understand that if you think men having sex with men is dirty and nasty, well, duh, having sex with women can be just as dirty and nasty. If you truly believe that men having sex with men is unnatural, well, um, we are all born with that imperative to have sex and as some famous person said (I think it was Freud), the only abnormal sex is not having sex at all.
When we get started, yeah, we have to come to grips with how we got initiated and, eventually, we do even though it may not be an easy thing to pull off; logically, if we can come to terms and be okay with how we got started, why is it so damned difficult for others to do the same thing? Bisexuals – male or female – just aren’t bound to the rules that bind heterosexuals and homosexuals; we’re in that peculiar place where we are both… and neither and understanding why we’re like this begins with being able to understand and accept how we got started… and then not use this as a stick to beat us with because we’re not playing by the accepted rules like everyone else is. Understanding how we can get started relies on one’s ability to think outside of the “normal” box we’re told we must always stay in.
People say that we should be ashamed of ourselves and, indeed, some guys do carry a modicum of shame with them due to the way they got started and, I think, that’s because it’s ingrained in us to be ashamed of having sex with men; it’s dirty, nasty, unnatural, abnormal, sinful, and the list goes on and on. Yet, despite all of this, we take great pleasure in being able to enjoy women in whatever way we do as well as men and, yeah, because how we got started showed and taught us that we can do things like this. I’m sighing to myself to once again think about the fact that people get all caught up in what two guys might do with each other but not pay a bit of attention to how he got started and why they choose to continue on the bisexual path.
No man who I know of has woken up one morning and out of the clear blue sky decided that he wants to get some dick… unless there’s a reason why he “suddenly” decided to indulge in this and to understand the reason, you must go back to the beginning. Yep, when you ask some guys why they decided to be bisexual, they very well might tell you, “I don’t know…” because there are aspects of this that words are unable to handle; some guys can tell you exactly why they’re bisexual but it all goes back to how they got put on the path, what happened that got them to see that being able to indulge themselves with pussy and cock was actually a good thing for them to get into.
If you can’t understand how, you just won’t be able to understand anything else about this and, honestly, if you are predisposed not to be able to make sense of how a guy got started, um, maybe you shouldn’t ask questions that you really don’t want to hear the answers to. It may be safe to say that no man becomes bisexual without a reason… and even if that reason doesn’t make sense to anyone else. That very first time happens despite all the admonishments and dire warnings design to prevent such a thing from happening; some guys find that it’s not their cup of tea (and for many reasons) but some guys find that it’s the greatest thing since sliced bread and even if it’s just another way to get his rocks off.
I’m running out of things to say about this so I’ll leave you with this: It’s fine and dandy to sit a bi guy down and get all into the whys of the matter, you know, why does he like to suck dick or why he’s into anal sex and even why they can be “dominate” with a woman but “submissive” with a man… but if you can’t get your head around how he got started in the first place, it just makes understanding everything else a hard thing to do and, fuck, no: Just because you might think that he or even she shouldn’t be bisexual doesn’t mean shit against the fact that they are, indeed, bisexual.