Today’s Bisexual Thoughts: Black Male Bisexuals

06 Nov

Well, duh, of course there’s such a thing as a Black, male bisexual; I’m not exactly chopped liver over here, ya know?  Seriously, though, I was reading a blog last night which spoke to Black men and bisexuality; it was informative, well-written, and kinda/sorta said that Black male bisexuals really need to support each other.  The thing that ruffled my feathers – and so much that I remembered this and had to write about it – was that the author of the blog used celebrity Black men as examples of coming out and an improbable tale that attempted to deflect the fact that one Black man was bisexual even though he later categorically denied it.

Celebrities.  I don’t have anything against those who have such notoriety except they are, more often as not, held before us as shining examples of this and that and as if they represent those of us who aren’t so famous (except maybe in our own unique ways).  I’m reading this blog and I’m thinking that while it’s “nice” to know that there are Black, male bisexual celebrities (even if that one guy tried to deny it), I was also thinking, “And what, exactly, does that have to do with other Black men who are like me?”  I think I wouldn’t have been as perturbed as I was if the author had written his missive and used everyday, “run of the mill,” and ordinary Black men as examples because while I don’t know about other Black men, I have more in common with these types of men than I do some famous Black man who’s standing upon the pedestal of fame.  That I’ve seen so many pieces written about bisexuality that have used celebrities as an example just drives me apeshit at times and more so when it’s no secret that celebrities have been known to fake the funk (and cleverly so) just to draw more attention to themselves… so why should we just buy-in to the acceptance of Black male bisexuality solely on the behavior of someone rolling in fame?

No, I don’t knock the brothers – any brothers – who are celebrities and bisexual; if they got it  like that, good for them.

Okay, so I’m guessing that you’ve heard that myth that all Black men are homophobic… and I’m also guessing that you also know that while this myth does have some basis in fact, uh, it ain’t the whole truth.  I remember writing a blog some time ago after I saw a blog that opined that there was no such thing as a Black, male bisexual… and I remember commenting on that blog… and, yes, I went the fuck off on them for being so blatantly naive and being so damned misinformed and, yes, even continuing this bullshit about male bisexuals really being gay and in denial.  The author was decent enough to reply to my rather scathing comment and apologized as well as admitting that he didn’t know any Black men who were bisexual; I responded, “Just because you don’t know any doesn’t mean there aren’t any!”  Our, uh, dialog ended peacefully but, man, was I ticked the fuck off!

One of the things I learned growing up was that Black men have this… reputation that must be adhered to at all times and at all costs; being strong, being fearless, being dedicated to the cause and, yes, we’re just the ultimate sex machines with our huge cocks, unflagging stamina, and near-animalistic passion and ready to lay some major pipe to women only… and you might be surprised how many Black men live up to this reputation even when they know, on the whole, nah, that’s not the whole truth about us as an ethnic gender.  And, uh-huh, not all of us are laying pipe to women only, are we?  Bisexual Black men aren’t just gonna rise up and be all loud and proud about their sexuality no more than any other man of any other ethnicity is going to do that if they don’t want anyone to know they’re bisexual.

Are there Black bisexuals?  Yes.  Are they all out?  Uh, nope, not really and I’m thinking there are some Black bisexuals who’d rather cut off a leg than to make this known about themselves because image is, after all, everything.  Do we support each other in this?  Um, nah, sometimes, not so much; I can’t seem to envision Black bisexuals standing up en masse and screaming at the top of our collective lungs, “Say it loud – I’m Black, bi, and proud!”  Are there Black bisexuals who do, in fact, shout it to the mountaintops?  Well, sure there are – I’m one of them and I know quite a few others who, frankly, don’t give a fuck about people disliking our sexuality.

Should we scream this at the top of our lungs?  Maybe… if it would work wonders toward dispelling that damned myth.  Should we, on the whole, do a better job of getting each other’s backs?  Yeah, we should… and that support should encompass all bisexuals from all walks of life… and, yeah, that would include those celebrities as well… but I don’t think that celebrities should be “leading the way,” as such; just because “DJ MochaChoco” has made his fame and fortune and has admitted he’s bisexual really doesn’t mean a whole lot because there are few of us who can relate to him and I’m thinking that’s because we’re on different levels – he’s famous, and the rest of us aren’t.  Maybe society would be more inclined to accept bisexuality – and specifically male bisexuality – if some famous Black dude came out to everyone, you know, like using Shaq to peddle “Icy Hot” in commercials, the mindset here being that if some famous dude wholly endorses, in this case, bisexuality and is, in fact, bisexual himself, well, that means it’s okay for all Black male bisexuals to come out of hiding and step into the light.

Yeah, right… sure it does.  I was reading an email that my now not-so-new nameless friend wrote me and the email was, in my opinion,  brilliant; this man gets bisexuality and more so since he’s bisexual himself but he mentioned that bisexuality isn’t well-accepted in the Black culture and, well, I had to enlighten him about that.  Yep, I know he said what he did because he’s just as much aware of that stupid myth as I am; he’s also aware, as I am, that there are busloads of  Black men who, publicly, embrace that, “We are homophobic!” crap but, um, privately?  The truth is not only out there but it is damned different.  This isn’t to say that there aren’t any homophobic Black men – because there are.  Another half-truth:  Jamaicans are all rabidly and violently homophobic – have you heard this one?  Yet, there are bisexuals and even gays who are Jamaican.

In any of this, you learn that what people say is one thing… but you just gotta know that something different is being said when there’s no one around to listen to the hype.  As I’ve written several times, I used to hang out with Black men who would display that rabid homosexuality, guys who would threaten sever violence and even death if some other dude stepped to them and asked for their dick to play with… and I’ve had sex with a lot of those guys… and, after the fun’s all over with, have heard them – when we’re hanging out – proudly display their alleged homophobia to all who’d care to listen.  See, to me, it’s kinda logical to assume (yeah, I know this shouldn’t be done) that if there are gay Black men – and there damn well are some – then there are bisexual Black men… except, like so many bisexuals from all walks of life, er, um, hey – let’s keep that on the down-low, shall we because, uh, you know, I got my rep to protect, aight?  Yes, not all bisexuals show up on the sexuality radar… but that never, ever means that there aren’t any Black, male bisexuals… or bisexuals, period.

The logic that says, “All Black men are homophobic so there can’t be any Black men who are bisexual (or gay)” is fatally flawed and if for no other reason that I am living proof that there are Black, male bisexuals because, well, yeah, you know why already.  Yet, for some reason I don’t even pretend to understand, the perception is believed more than the truth.  The perception:  Black men are homophobic.  The truth:  Nah, not all of us are… but not all of us are gonna admit publicly that we’re bisexual or homosexual because, sometimes, that’s not a very smart thing to do considering the collective angst about anyone who isn’t heterosexual.

It is my opinion that bisexuals should band together so we can support each other much in the way homosexuals have done – and it should be done without any regard to the color of one’s skin.  I know some folks who would love to remove the “B” from LGBT because, eh, some of them ain’t exactly on our side and watching our backs in a very supportive way so starting a “B only” community would best serve bisexuals because, if nothing else, uh, we understand each other better than someone who isn’t bisexual.

I just do not think or believe that we need celebrities to be the front-persons for Black bisexuality; I’m even thinking that Black celebrity bisexuals represent a very small piece of the “Black bisexual pie,” as it were or there are more of us who aren’t famous than there are those who are.  Oh, and just because some Black celebrity will let it be known that they’re bisexual doesn’t mean they’re going to be staunch advocates for bisexuality, Black or otherwise, and calling for the creation of that B-only community I mentioned… and if they have, I haven’t heard about it yet.  I know someone who wants to do this and while I know she’s becoming well-known as a sexuality advocate where she lives, she’s not what I’d call a celebrity… but because she’s a “regular” person like me, yeah, she’d get my support in this faster than she would if she were rich and famous and simply because she represents Black bisexuality from a common point of reference that I can better relate to.

Black, bisexual celebrities and I do, in fact, have something in common:  We’re Black and we’re bisexual… but the unspoken class system in this country separates us – they’re famous and I ain’t even close to being famous – so the commonality kinda stops right there; a “gap” is created and one that makes a lot of Black bisexuals say, when a famous Black person comes out as being bi, “Okay, but what the fuck does that have to do with me?” or something that, um, might not be nice to say about someone.  In a way, I’m glad there are Black bisexuals who are using their fame to shine light on the fact that, yep, there are, in fact, Black bisexuals… but are they really telling us anything that we didn’t know already and, importantly, does their announcement help us… or does it hurt us?  This question comes to mind when you consider how the media, those motherfucking bastards, react to a celebrity announcing that they’re bi.  One of the first things “out of their mouth” is that the celebrity is really gay and is just saying they’re bisexual to avoid getting their heads handed to them by the rabidly heterosexual moral majority.

So, um, no – I really don’t see how celebrities are helping the bisexual cause here, not when the “powers that be” are primed and ready to infer defied homosexuality at every turn and, in a way, reinforcing the current mindset that people should be either straight or gay – but not both.  Celebrities just aren’t an accurate representation of the whole, Black bisexual picture and I just don’t believe that they should be held up as shining examples for the rest of us to follow even though I do respect any celebrity who chooses to come out:  That takes a lot of courage for anyone to do, celebrity or not.

Okay, I’m done ranting for now… but I’ll be back later!

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Posted by on 6 November 2015 in Today's Bisexual Thoughts


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