Today’s Bisexual Thoughts: Coming Out Thoughts

10 Nov

I’ve written a lot about this in the past and continue to maintain that while it’s not mandatory that any bisexual just come out to the whole world, you just tell the people you need to tell and everyone else is on a need-to-know basis.  However, every now and then, you wind up running into someone that you might get kinda close to and you begin to suspect that they’ve somehow managed to figure out your secret and you have this suspicion because they might start dropping subtle “sexuality related” hints and then watching you carefully to see how you react to them or doing other things that you could take as being suggestive as well as an indication that they know you’re bisexual… but they haven’t come right out and asked if you are.

Maybe you ignore this and remain determined to only tell the people you feel you have to… but this person is, in some way, close enough to you that you feel kinda compelled to let them in on your secret… and how does one go about doing that, exactly?  The “simple” answer is you find a nice way to start this particular conversation off, like as I suggested to a friend, “I need to talk to you about something that I think you may already know…” and take it from there.  But, before making such an epic decision to do an even more epic reveal, well, you almost can’t keep yourself from thinking, “But what if I’m wrong and they really didn’t suspect anything different about me?  Oh, shit, did I just let the cat out of the bag when I shouldn’t have?”

It’s a good thought to be aware of because, um, you could be wrong in your perceptions; indeed, what you could have been looking at was them trying to use Jedi mind tricks to let you know that they’re not as straight as they appear to be so, yeah, before letting kitty out, ya want to be sure of what you’re perceiving before you do something that you may or may not regret.

I’ve been in this situation a few times and, yep, I’ve gotten it wrong a few times as well and with what I’ll call mixed results:  Some folks freaked the fuck out while others weren’t all that freaked out and, every so often, I learned that, yep, their little hints and other shit was them feeling me out because they, too, had a secret they wanted to share.

As with any attempt to come out, you just have to play it by ear, cross your fingers, and hope for the best possible outcome because no matter how well you think you know someone, you’re not gonna find out how they’re gonna react to your announcement until the exact moment you tell them… and, hopefully, you don’t find out that you really didn’t know them as well as you thought your did.

I’ve run into situations where someone has said, “You know, there’s just something different about you that I can’t quite put my finger on…” – this is a code phrase for “I think you’re not straight but I’m not sure how ‘crooked’ you are.”  I’ve responded with, “Like what?” or “Different in what way?” and let the verbal jousting begin and, well, being the type of person I am, I am not beyond giving them enough rope to hang themselves and putting the “pressure” on them to say exactly what they have on their minds and all while deciding how I’m going to respond if they ask the right question – maybe I’ll confess, maybe I won’t and if I don’t, I won’t behave as if I’ve been offended by any of it because, um, I’m not offended.  Amused, perhaps, but not offended.  And, yes, I will also be wondering why they’re probing me about this; is it because you’re trying to find out if I’m like they are, be it bi or gay, and I already have, “Why are you asking?” preloaded and ready to go at the right moment.

Coming out is situational despite some folks out there insisting that if you’re bisexual, you have to let everyone know that you are into dick and pussy in some way.  Those folks also insist that if you don’t tell everyone, well, you’re a dirty dog liar with a whole graveyard of skeletons you want to keep hidden as well as being guilty by default of every imaginable indiscretion that can be thought of.  While these folks believe that there’s more risk in not coming out to one and all, eh, I guess they just assume that if you did that, it’s going to be well-accepted by everyone you tell… and that, my friends, is simply not true; I’ve seen a lot of shit get totally destroyed because of telling people about your sexuality that had no business knowing it.  I’ve seen relationships get fatally damaged telling a partner – and someone you thought you knew well – about this, only to find out that they weren’t as open-minded as you believed them to be.

Know that if you come out to anyone for any reason, there may be consequences and of the variety you’re not gonna find pleasing in any way.  Do women fare better in this than men?  Damned if I know.  I’ve observed that when women tell other women, eh, acceptance has a slight lead on rejection and depending on the woman they’re talking to.  Men, on the other hand, um, coming clean to another guy might go well but usually not so much and, holy shit, a man telling his woman that he also likes dick, in my observations, rarely goes well.  Yes, I’ve seen guys flip out to find that their woman likes pussy but, again, in my observations, I’ve also seen guys say something as simple as, “Okay!” or they “split the difference” and accept it, the thought here is that as long as she’s not giving up the coochie to another guy, it’s not really a problem or threatening to them… which, actually, isn’t the truth but I’m not gonna talk about that in this writing – I’ll write that one on my iPad in a few.


Posted by on 10 November 2015 in Today's Bisexual Thoughts


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3 responses to “Today’s Bisexual Thoughts: Coming Out Thoughts

  1. acquiescent72

    12 November 2015 at 13:09

    I’ve always liked your “Need to know basis” thought on this. I remember one time, I was friends with a woman that asked me, “How long have you been into guys?” and I replied with, “I’m not gay.” Her perfect response (although I vehemently denied it at the time) was, “I wasn’t calling you gay…”. I think that was the only time anyone had suspected me of being into guys too. I had a time when I tried telling a male friend, as well, but he instantly responded with, “Fine, but I’m not fucking you…” Kinda made me laugh at the time, but looking back it’s indicative of how difficult it is for some people to accept bisexuality.


    • kdaddy23

      12 November 2015 at 15:30

      It is difficult for them to understand, just like I find it typical that (a) they’d think you were gay and (b) that you’re hitting on them if you’re talking to a guy. I’ve laughed at them on both accounts because I know I’d never be gay and, with guys, well, don’t flatter yourself, homie – you ain’t that interesting to me to begin with…

      Liked by 1 person

  2. Blake

    27 April 2016 at 02:58

    What was your coming out experience like and how did you come to find out you were “bisexual”?



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