In the world of relationships, we guard against anyone who might be a threat to our relationship; I’ve seen people lose trust in their long-time friends and even family members have been seen as threats to put our relationship asunder. Now, add bisexuality to the equation.
As I mentioned my my last blog, I’ve seen guys (in particular) learn that their woman is (or always has been) bisexual and they accept this because they don’t see another woman being a threat to them, not like a dude would be… and they’re proceeding from a false assumption and I’ll spell it all out.
In this supposedly non-threatening situation, it seems to be “universally” believed that if “Grace” is being quite cozy with “Laurel,” the only thing going on between them is affection at the least, lust at the worse; I’ve felt that few people ever add the possibility of love happening and they don’t give much thought to the fact that they can lose their woman to anyone at any time… and it might not be to another guy.
Don’t get me wrong – if ya don’t feel threatened by this, that’s a good thing and you get extra Brownie points from me but, yeah, I’m also telling you that the threat is very real even if you don’t care to believe it is.
Some dudes just simply do not want anyone messing with “their” pussy; I’ve heard of guys demand that their gynecologist has to be female and I’ve seen them act like fierce guard dogs if the GYN is male. So for these guys to find out that his woman likes pussy? That can be just as bad as when a woman finds out that her man enjoys dick – can you say “royal cluster fuck?” Sure you can!
Most women are going to take the news that her man is bisexual very personally and badly and she’s not necessarily “worried” about him leaving her for some dude – she’ll almost always assume that his sexuality has something to do with his feelings for her or that he’s not happy with the quality and quantity of the sex he has with her.
Um, we know – and because I’ve already told you – that sometimes a guy is bisexual because, bluntly, girlfriend ain’t giving it up to his satisfaction – but this isn’t the point right now… but it is abou how unhappy she might be at hearing this news. Now, are there some women who, like men, split the difference and say it’s okay because homey ain’t boning the chick next door and since he ain’t, she sees no reason to feel threatened?
Yeah, I’ve actually met a few and the keyword here is “few.” In any event, one should not just assume that any same-sex goings on are a threat… but one shouldn’t assume that a threat isn’t going to present itself, oh, like “Grace” just might decide that she loves “Laurel” more than the guy she’s been with and gets in the wind.
If you think it can’t or shouldn’t ever happen, well, I’m here to tell you that you’re dead wrong, just like I’m here to tell you that there’s nothing you can do to prevent such a thing from happening and that if you do try this, you just might wind up driving your bisexual partner into someone else’s arms. And, yes and sadly, I’ve seen this happen because while there is the way things are supposed to be, there is always the way things are and the truth we are all loath to accept is that shit can happen.
No one wants to lose someone they love to the “competition” so it’s my opinion that this situation is a trust issue, that you’re trusting that your partner’s sexuality isn’t going to bring the relationship to ruins… and that your partner’s negative thoughts about sexuality isn’t going to do the same… but the threat of loss is always very real.
Managing any relationship is partially about loss prevention, isn’t it? Bisexuals can’t help feeling bisexual; the only thing they can control are their actions in this and, no: Not all bisexuals want to do something about the way they feel. Thus, while the threat of loss is always real, it doesn’t help for a couple to assume a threat is imminent, even if the bisexual in question wants to do something about what they’re feeling.
You find out you’re dealing with a bisexual and, I gotta tell you, trying to put them on lockdown and/or using other threats to “keep them in line” and under control is absolutely the wrong thing to do. Just like the bisexual had to do, all you have to do is find a way to accept that they’re bisexual. Sure, you’re gonna question their intentions in this… and now it’s really a trust issue. If they swear to you that they have no intentions to do anything, well, believe them while keeping Mr. Murphy in mind but do not assume that Murphy is going to be in play by default!
Don’t assume that all is lost; don’t assume that there’s any infidelity in play… but don’t assume that loss can’t happen… because it can because, bluntly, nothing lasts forever. Trust in the love you share with each other; trust in the strength of that love and, yes, work together to manage the bisexuality revelation that’s come to light.