Being In Love

23 Nov

It’s a goal in life that a lot of us have and we go through a lot of things, do a lot of searching, and go through a lot of shit to find that one person we can fall in love with and with the expectation that they’re gonna love us as much as we love them – and love is the way we want to be loved.

This is all well and good.  Sometimes we confuse infatuation with love; we confuse sex with love; we think that we’ve found love (or it has found us) but what we find that we really found the wrong person or because we are so focused on finding love that we are easily fooled into believing that we finally found it.

What we find, at some point, is that we experience love many times while searching for The One; we learn from it, suffer both happiness and pain along the way but we doggedly keep searching for that one person that won’t be our alpha… but they’ll be our omega, the last and only person that we’ll ever love.

For some, this actually happens and somewhat easily but for others, well, let’s say that once they’ve fallen in love and are happy, they believe that it’s not possible for them to have love pay them another visit… and find themselves proven wrong… and now there’s a problem that many find hard to solve.

I’ve often wondered why it is that someone will fall in love for that “last” time and never consider that love can find them again.  After all, they’ve gone through a few instances of love trying to get to The One and as if they’re now immune against love touching them again, as if the person they’re now in love with is an immutable shield that will always protect and insulate them.

Which probably explains how totally dumbstruck they get when they find out differently, that you cannot escape love when it has run them down again… but they try, shoving monogamy and morality before them like a cross before the vampire and thinking that love will shy away from monogamy’s alleged power and ability to shield and protect, believing and even hoping that this social construct will be proof against one of the most powerful emotions we can experience.

Many are successful, in a sense; they don’t fall fully into love’s heady embrace… but they will always feel the effect or having been brushed by love.  Some cherish that touch while others fear it; they believe that love only happens once and to feel it again will destroy them, that love’s power will once again unlock things within them that they believed to be safely locked away behind monogam’s protective wall.

And then they find out that things don’t work the way they thought they did, that pretty much all they were taught – all the assumptions they made based on those teachings and their own experiences – is, at the least, inaccurate and, at the worst, very much wrong.

They say love is eternal, that it’s not easily banished, deflected, avoided  or ignored.  We do, in fact, have this proven to us and sometimes rather painfully when we thought we found love but it wasn’t the love we were looking for so we keep looking and hoping it will find us:  Hope keeps us looking for that which isn’t easy to find or to hold onto… but we know it’s out there and we are prepared and committed to spending our entire lives to wrap ourselves in love’s embrace for the one, last and final time.

And when we do, we think and believe that were safe and unable to love anyone else… but then we find that the love we have, as warm, comfortable and wonderful as it is, isn’t enough; we sense that our need and capacity for love is actually greater than we thought except, Houston, we have a problem:  The rules that govern our lives and behaviors in these things dictate that we should only love one person at a time and that even feeling love – or knowing that they are loved by another – is the height of impropriety and a moral taboo.

Some of us questions the mandate; we correctly guess that if we have been in love at times before we found our omega – and we still carry those past loves within us, then it is, indeed, quite possible that we can handle much more love than we’re told we should deal with.  Some of us accept this… but most cannot because they believe there can be only one true love even though that which they’re experiencing severely challenges their beliefs and exposes the lie of once you have love, you can’t have any more love or can’t receive it from, ah, other sources.

Thus, we think we know love, that we understand all there is to love and being loved, on,y to find that our understanding, such as it is, is sorely limited and lacking.  We underestimate love’s reach and power; we seek to keep it at arm’s length with social constructs that, in fact, have little power over love’s greater power.

And I’ve wondered why we do this, why we will go out of our way to find love… then go further out of our way to avoid it once we believe we have found it and as if we have no further use for love since we “apparently” have it already.  I’ve wondered why, when we experience another brush with love’s touch, we act as if it didn’t happen, that it’s not supposed to happen, and instead of basking in that additional touch, we become distraught and fight against it with all we can bring to bear.

And I’ve felt that we’ve all been taught that love is about doing this, that, or the other and that if you love – and even if you dare to love, something must be done about it; there are those who are afraid to love (or have been made to fear love) so, yes, the thing they are made to do when love touches their hearts is to fight it, to deny it, to resist it and to continue to fear it and even deem it to be useless.

All love wants anyone to do is accept it, to take it within themselves and feel good about and with it and, yes, even if they’re already in love and being love because we are told that love knows no bounds… yet, we act as if there is a limit to love, don’t we, that we should only go so far and never beyond that point.

Do you ever question this?  Do you ever wonder if there’s more to this than you know?  Do you think about why we don’t question these things or why we just accept that which we’ve been told or otherwise made to believe?

Perhaps you should.  I did; many people have and we’ve seen the lie we all have been told about what love is and what it’s supposed to do and the alleged singular way it’s supposed to work.  It is not about morals, this thing I’ve written today; it is really about one’s ability to love and understanding one’s capacity to love, even when already in love and that despite we have been told and what we believe, we are capable of so much more.

Do you know this?  Can you feel this?  Have you felt this?  And, most of all, do you believe this?

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Posted by on 23 November 2015 in Life, Living and Loving


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