It’s an argument I’ve participated in many times: Is bisexuality a choice? Many people say it isn’t, that we have zero choice in what we feel and, yes, this is true but as I just said on Twitter, you cannot eliminate choice from the equation. Hang onto your hats…
I’m not sure why so many people who write about bisexuality insist that choice has nothing to do with any of this – do they not understand how we make decisions? Do they not understand that there are countless numbers of people who feel bisexual but choose to ignore or deny what they’re feeling? Do they not understand that the decisions to accept their feelings and do (or not) something about them is, in fact, choice?
An update of sorts. My Twitter discussion is so interesting in that the folks in it talk about the consequences of not accepting bisexuality and the problems it can cause; they’re looking at the effect but not the cause… which is always choice. The only things we don’t have any choice in are being born and dying; otherwise, everything is about choice and, yes, even feeling that initial attraction is a choice even if you’re not aware that it was made – we still don’t understand how the mechanism of attraction really works. Sure, ya might not have consciously chosen to be attracted to people bisexually but somewhere in the deep reaches of your subconscious, a choice was made even if it’s “merely” a biochemical reaction.
I just don’t understand why so many people deny that choice plays a major role in this. Even in my trip down this road, choices, in the form of decisions, were made; I choose to accept the indecent proposal, I decided that I liked it just like I decided to keep doing it; I choose to accept that I feel some kinda way about men and women.
And people do choose to ignore or deny what they’re feeling, don’t they? We are socially conditioned to be heterosexual… and some of us choose to ignore the conditioning so we can go with what we feel – bisexuality, homosexuality, transgender, whatever we believe works for us. One person said that this is unchangeable… come on, really? People can chose to go from straight to bi or gay or whatever suits them… and they can choose to “go back” if that, too, suits them.
Yes, the potential for any of this is deeply encoded in our DNA and, thus, inescapable when sperm meets egg, which is why the social conditioning to be heterosexual only exists… and, oh, yeah, a bunch of folks got together and decided to take our choices away from us, didn’t they?
Choice, choice, choice. I could, if I chose to, ignore my sexuality in thought and deed – that would take some great mental discipline but, yeah, I could do that if I felt it served my purposes. Indeed, many people who feel the pull of bisexuality choose to ignore it; maybe it fucks with them, maybe it doesn’t but it brings us right back to choice, making whatever decisions that are necessary to fit who we are or want to be.
Choice, choice, choice.