Today’s Bisexual Thoughts:  See It For What It Is

01 Dec

When we talk about bisexuality, we understandably create our own “version” of what this means, which leads to some interesting points of view, curious terminology, and theories about what this bisexual thing really is.

It occurred to me, while I was reading a blog on another site about what that author thought bisexuality was, that while we have a need to “make bisexuality in our own image,” we should also strive to see it for what it is.

One would have to strip away their notions about this, set aside what they’ve heard I the form of stereotypes, myths, and other misconceptions, and ask a question:  “What is this, really?”  I took me quite a bit of time to be able to do this; my curiosity kinda drove me to learn how to do this because I knew what I was doing, knew what I’d been hearing from others but, yeah, what is this?  Why are people like this?

I read here on WordPress where an author said that bisexuality isn’t part heterosexual, part homosexual… and I asked, “Do they understand what the word means?”  Okay… I know we try to make sense of this as best we can, just like I’m aware that not everyone has my intense curiosity to get right down to the root of all of this… and, yes, I do wonder why a lot of folks form their view of this and stop right there:  Do not pass go, do not collect more information about this thing you’ve got going on.

That intense Twitter discussion I had is a good example of what I’m talking about; folks opine that choice doesn’t play a role in any of this and I guess this position makes some folks comfortable… while completely ignoring the human decision making process.  It strikes me as being odd that someone would say that choice is irrelevant… but then accurately say that our lives are about the choices we make.

Uh, isn’t sexuality one of those choices?  Anyway…

Sometimes when I write about this, I say that when a bi guy throws down with another guy, it is homosexual sex – what else could it be?  The same goes for when that same bi guy gets a slice of the damp – that’s heterosexual sex and you just can’t call it anything else if you’re looking at all of this for what it is.  If that very same bi guy gets with a transgender woman, is he doing the deed heterosexually or homosexually given that the transgender’s DNA and chromosomes would point to them being male?  I’m thinking most people would say it’s heterosexual and I’m the one who’d ask, “Is it really?” and then go looking for the answer to that question by first temporarily setting aside the psychological aspects of this and go right to the genetic aspects because, um, that says we’re either born male, female, and sometimes both; that XX/XY thing is kinda hard to get past if you understand the science.  You can alter the body and its chemistry… but we’ve not gotten to the point where we can alter an existing chromosome structure that I know of, anyway.

You’ve probably seen me write a few times that I wonder what two guys got together and decided that having sex with each other was a damned good thing to do… and it’ll probably remain a mystery because there are no record of this that’s been found – and the same for the ladies.  At some point in our evolution, someone “figured out” that being sexual or otherwise attracted to males and females was a good idea, too, but our written history just doesn’t go back that far – we can’t point to a period of time or one person who can be identified as the first bisexual anymore than we can pinpoint the onset of homosexuality and the first homosexual.

But we know they existed; none of this is new to humans… but when I read what other people write about bisexuality, I can’t say that I’ve seen anyone mention the evolutionary processes that had to take place for us to be raising all kinds of hell about this today. Yes, I read about bonobos and their similar behavior and that’s fine – and it’s a good comparative study as we seek to understand ourselves in this… but we still, as humans, should look at this for what it is and, if we can, minus all of the social shit that tends to confuse things.

Yeah, I know – it’s probably just me; I’m not sure how we can discuss such an important aspect of human behavior without trying to do it with an unbiased eye.  Yes, if one can see this for what it is, then we can being to look at how this aspect of human behavior is seen at the individual level, like, how we tailor this to fit ourselves.  Then we can talk about the social aspects, from morality to religion and to how the social angst toward bisexuals is impacting us.  If nothing else, we can begin to see more of the bigger picture, like, how our continued evolution is changing our social constructs so that our sexual (and emotional) behaviors won’t seem so foreign:  We can, at some point, accept that all things aside, we are all human and this is how we behave.

We shouldn’t let our collective lack of understanding divide us and continue to set us against each other and just because we go about doing, ah, certain social things in different ways and it’s just this author’s opinion that this lofty purpose and goal would be best served by first looking at this – all of this – for what it is and not what we want it to be, that no one way is “better” than the other since all that we do in this is just us being what we are:



Posted by on 1 December 2015 in Today's Bisexual Thoughts


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2 responses to “Today’s Bisexual Thoughts:  See It For What It Is

  1. acquiescent72

    1 December 2015 at 14:46

    Choice involves action. Feelings involve experience. Attraction involves the heart.

    Of course, I’m under constant battle with my sexuality, as you know; but there is something in me that has to believe that sexuality is innate, otherwise it makes ne sense to me. Ultimately, all of us – heterosexual, homosexual, bisexual, or whatever – chooses to act on our desires. The idea that there is some sort if inherent reality is important for that aspect of whether or not we choose, right?


    • kdaddy23

      1 December 2015 at 15:55

      Right. At least to me, just knowing what I’m doing isn’t enough – I wanna know why I’m doing it, why it feels so right and natural for me to do it and to answer those questions, I have to see it for what it is and in an unadulterated form.

      And, yes, choice is all up in there: Do it… or don’t do it – and you can pick what “it” means depending on what’s going on in your head about this. It’s either yes, no, or even maybe and they are all choices we eventually wind up making where our sexuality is concerned and, again, more so when our existence depends on the choices we make, even if they’re bad ones. Then it’s about what we do if the choice turned out to be a bad one; do we try to get it right or do we leave it alone?

      But if we can’t understand why we’re in this position in the first place,it makes the decision process… interesting.

      Liked by 1 person


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