I just got finished reading this pice of writing sent to me by my still unnamed friend – http://www.slate.com/blogs/outward/2014/03/28/bisexuality_it_s_really_not_that_complicated.html – and it was pretty decent although I wouldn’t have said it quite that way… but I will say it like this:
Bisexuals, once they’ve gotten their heads around this, understand that being bisexual or even acting like one isn’t all that complicated – we like men and women emotionally, physically, or both and even if we’ve never had the sex that’s possible. However, those folks who aren’t bisexual do make it complicated because they don’t understand it like we do. Because homosexuality is becoming more acceptable as a sexual identity, we have the straight folks on one side and the gay folks on the other, secure in their monosexual schools of thought but trying to deal with a group of people who are of both schools – and this apparently doesn’t make a lot of sense to them.
Their lack of understanding has given rise to the stereotype that we should do things equally since we’re “in the middle of things,” which really isn’t the case and they’d know this if they just stopped assuming things and put more effort into finding bisexuals who are willing to explain a few things to them. Now, that’s a problem all by itself, right? We’re so shrouded in our cloaks of mystery that it’s no wonder why other folks are assuming things… but, I’ll just mention – again – something I witnessed and sometimes experienced when growing up, that being, um, some folks just don’t take kindly to anyone who even remotely resembles being homosexual and uses violence to voice their displeasure. And that behavior hasn’t changed over all of my years and while the kind of violence I saw has abated, the verbal lambasting is still going strong.
No surprise as to why bisexuals around the globe won’t stand up and scream, “Here we are!” is there?
The referenced writing mentions and proposes that bisexuality isn’t seen as an identity because people pay more attention to what we might do more than the way we think – but we’re action-oriented, aren’t we? If you believe that actions always speaks louder than words, it’s no wonder people don’t think of bisexuality as an identity and more so when not all bisexuals act. Kinda hard to quantify feelings and it’s even harder to do it when you have no real idea of what those feelings are since, in theory, you don’t really believe that someone can actually feel this way… or, um, maybe you do but have severely suppressed them? That’s another topic for a later date, methinks…
Y’all know I’m bisexual and you know my thoughts about this at both a high and personal level. I’m not a “typical” bisexual by any definition… but my sexuality identity is bisexual because I not only act like one, it’s how I think and feel. I could bore you to death explaining how my mind works – but I’m not gonna do that so let it suffice to say that what goes on in my head that can’t ever be written is bisexual in nature. Not exactly heterosexual. Not exactly homosexual.
Heterosexuality can be “normalized” as can homosexuality – bisexuality, eh, not so much because we just don’t fit the generally accepted description of either identity; like I always say, we are both… and neither, even if you can only pay attention to what we do – duh. And even if we’re not doing anything. The relationship card gets pulled and, well, I’ve written a lot of shit about this but, briefly, a relationship cannot define or explain anything in this: I’m married to one hell of a woman and I’m still as bisexual as ever. Even way back in the day when I was in a “relationship” with my gay Air Force roommate, I was still bisexual. I even had to listen to him demanding that I pick his side and stop “ruining” myself with those damned women and their smelly pussies… and that was in the early 1970s, folks.
It really isn’t as complicated as you might think. I can’t put it any simpler: Not everyone is straight or gay that is a fact and an obvious one, I think. If you can accept this – this, too, isn’t complicated – then now it’s about the details and they are not the same for all of us because you just cannot and should not judge us by our actions alone or assume that we are acting at all. If you can understand that being bisexual isn’t all about fucking, then this should be less complicated and, yes, if you wanna know the other stuff, ask a bisexual – just do not waste your time getting answers from someone who isn’t (and never will or would become) bisexual. You just wouldn’t go to a nuclear physicist and ask him how to do a triple bypass, would you?
if you don’t know why I do the things I do, you don’t know anything – and knowing why is at the root of the bisexual identity and makes all of this uncomplicated. Analyzing our actions or looking at bisexuality with a monosexual mindset will not provide clarity.