From time to time you might see me use the phrase “default behavior” when talking about bisexuality and it just dawned on me that maybe I need to explain this better than I have been – so here we go.
Those folks who have issues with bisexuality and bisexuals are preaching that we either have to choose a side or that our interactions should be balanced and equal, i.e., whatever we do heterosexually should also be done homosexually… except this is a very poor generalization. While there are, hypothetically, bisexuals who are in a 50/50 mode of behavior, nah, that’s not the rule – it’s more of an exception. I can understand that this misguided perception can be adopted when one has the famous Kinsey scale in mind that goes from zero – 100% heterosexual – to six – 100% homosexual – so, sure, it’s not all that hard to see that bisexuality sits in the middle of these two extremes… but it’s really a lot deeper than this simple assumption.
It’s one of those “duh” moments because also on the scale are the numbers one through five and bisexuals inhabit these areas… but even knowing this doesn’t lock bisexuals into concrete when you factor in what goes on in someone’s mind as well as what they might do. Physically, I’m more heterosexual than homosexual – way more heterosexual because, ya mon, a brother just loves women and pussy and I’ve always felt that on the Kinsey, I’m like a two or three – I’ve never really been able to nail it down any better than that. Inside my head, well, now, that’s quite different – and you’d expect that (or you should expect it) because if my actions are highly fluid, my thoughts and feelings are; at any given moment, I can be anywhere on the scale and if I can be like this, other bisexuals can be like this as well.
I try to point out to the bisexual detractors that when I’m not doing something homosexual – like sucking the sperm out of a victim and leaving him drained and sated in a very vampiric way – I’m heterosexual – it’s my default behavior. It’s all women, all the time until I want to interact with a man and, really, I don’t pretend to understand why the bisexual haters can’t understand this. We all do what’s right for us to do when it comes to love, sex, and relationships (in particular). Why would a bisexual man marry a woman? Come on, now, you mean to tell me that someone couldn’t figure this one out? This guy could be a five on the scale – more homosexual than heterosexual – and still be married to a woman, have sex with her, make babies, the whole nine yards and then some and because it suits his purposes – it’s his default behavior even though his mind and maybe even his actions are more about the dick than the coochie.
These folks, for some reason, seem to think that the fluidity of our sexual appetites has something to do with how we carry ourselves from day to day; they want to discount that there are a lot of bisexuals – male and female – whose default behavior is being heterosexual and all that implies, right up until they jump over the fence to do something homosexual… but inside their heads? You’d have to ask a bisexual where their head is and if said bisexual really understands who and what they are, they might tell you the same things I do, that their thoughts and feelings are all up and down the scale and at any given moment.
That we have a default behavior implies that this is a static thing – and it is… kinda. Again, the haters don’t factor in that bisexuality isn’t all about what one does – it’s also how one thinks and feels and this is about as dynamic as anything can be and I’d even go out on a limb and say that it’s practically impossible for someone to be thinking and feeling the exact same things throughout their entire existence. This is one of those things that makes me say that if you think this sounds patently absurd, you’d be right – no one can do this; we don’t know exactly how our brain works but we know that our thoughts and feelings change at incredible speeds, faster than the 120 meters per second speeds (about 250 miles per hour) that carry commands from our brains to our muscles.
We are creatures of habit and creatures that, sexually, are on a sliding scale where some of us are fixed at one extreme or the other, and some of us aren’t all that fixed in place. We define ourselves using the most dreaded labels because, um, how else can we describe what we are and how we interact with the world around us? So, I’m bisexual but more heterosexual than homosexual in my physical and emotional behaviors but my thoughts could be purely heterosexual one moment, totally homosexual the next moment, or somewhere betwixt the two extremes. Now, that’s a mouthful, isn’t it? It’s easier for me to just say, “I am bisexual!” and if you need more information on how I’m bisexual, ya need to ask to get the full flavor.
Yes, I have gotten naked with men and have had sex with them; yes, I was once romantically involved with a gay man; yes, I’ve been married to women, I’ve had children and, yes, I’ve had a lot of sex with women and that’s putting it mildly. It’s all about what works best for me, the thing that makes me a creature of habit, the thing I will do every morning when I wake up and that’s heterosexual… until I want to be homosexual for however long it might take me to suck a man off. That might be anywhere from five minutes to an hour or more but the act is purely homosexual… but if you really want to have your noodle baked, ask me what might be going on in my head while I’m giving him a blowjob and, trust me, there is something going on inside my head and some of it is more heterosexual than homosexual even though I’m actively sucking dick.
Outside of that, the moment I stop doing something homosexual, I go right back to my default behavior of being heterosexual – how can I do anything else? Now, I could change my default behavior – it’s not that difficult to do – but then I’d need a reason to change it… and I’ve never had a reason to change my default behavior from heterosexual to homosexual and, to be truthful, I wouldn’t want to but that’s me – but other bisexuals could find reason to change their default behavior based on their needs and the way they want to live their lives. And, yeah, even if I wasn’t married to Linda, my default behavior would still be heterosexual and, damned right, I’d be chasing pussy like Wile E. Coyote chases the Road Runner – and because it suits my purposes to be this way… but relationships, such as they are, really don’t speak to one’s default behavior given that even if “Gary” was bisexual and in a relationship with “Ralph,” Gary is still bisexual and to whatever degree works for him, even if it’s just inside his head because monogamy prevents him from being with Ralph and chasing pussy (unless they have a special arrangement, of course).
It’s the thing that makes me say that I’m not straight but I’m not gay, either – because I’m both and neither; it’s the thing that makes me say that when I’m not doing something homosexual, I am heterosexual, like right now as I’m typing this. I know this confuses people, that since a lot of us are heterosexual by default makes the, ah, less fluid people accuse us of being fake because, nope, we really aren’t fixed in the middle of things; if sexuality on the whole is fluid, bisexuality is even more so when you take into account that being bisexual isn’t just about what we do and even this isn’t static; we all do not act upon every opportunity and some of us do not, cannot, or will not act at all. Peek inside our heads and you’d see some seriously different shit but that makes sense, doesn’t it? And if you don’t think it does, well, I hate to say it but you don’t understand a whole lot of shit.
By default, I am heterosexual but unlike other heterosexuals, my thoughts and actions aren’t fixed in place because if they were, I wouldn’t be bisexual… and I am very bisexual.