It’s the second day of the new year and I’ve asked myself a question that I don’t have an answer to: Given that, for a lot of bisexuals, the LGBTQ(and all the other letters) community isn’t a whole lot of help when it comes to them coping with the stresses of being bisexual, is there anything else we can do to help each other?
I’m sure there’s quite a few answers to this – I just don’t know what they are at this precise moment. I know the one of the biggest issues bisexuals face isn’t what they can or can’t do about their feelings – it’s not having someone they can talk to about being bisexual; this was one of my biggest hurdles as I grew into my bisexuality. Who can you confide in without getting kicked in the nuts for your troubles? Who can you talk to about your feelings and they’re going to actually give a fuck about what’s going on in your mind about this – some people are really and truly totally indifferent about sexuality issues that don’t concern them. Early on in the game, The Community – as I like to call LGBTQ(yada, yada) at times – was the perfect solution to a very real and troubling problem… except, nowadays and on the whole, they’re more worried about their own problems than those us other folks in their alphabet soup are having these days and, hypocritically, they are also the source of a lot of the social angst being laid upon bisexuals.
Since I had to deal with this before The Community came into its infancy, I kinda made a promise to myself that if there was a bisexual out there who needed someone to talk to, I would try to be there for them and more so because for a lot of people, this is some very difficult shit to process. Of course, one of the problems with making yourself available to talk about this is getting other bisexuals to talk about being bisexual it goes along with the old adage about leading horses to water. Quite a few times I’ve offered this “service,” only to have it thrown back in my face because, I would learn, they were so afraid of having their bisexuality discovered that they couldn’t trust anyone with their secret… and even someone who had that secret in common.
Often, I’d have struggling bisexuals tell me that I couldn’t possibly understand what they were going through and as silly as that may sound, no, it wasn’t funny; such a response spoke to their state of mind, that being, this was fucking with their minds so badly that they believed that no one could help them untangle the Gordian Knot in their head… but this is exactly why having someone to talk to winds up being so damned important because that traffic jam in your head can be cleared out if you’re willing to talk about it.
I gave some thought to creating my own “bisexual help” website but, at the time, I was working and didn’t have the time to plan and build the site or to take care of all the other details such an endeavor requires – and I understood that it would be a duplication of effort since there were already sites out there dedicated to making bisexuality an easier pill to swallow (you can imply the pun here if you want to). I gave some thought to signing up with the local LGBT group… if I could find one; Delaware isn’t exactly a hotbed of sexuality advocacy and joining a chapter in Philadelphia wasn’t on my list of things to do. Even though I don’t have to worry about going to work and I have the time to join The Community and put my two cents in alongside their, eh, I’m not exactly a fan of theirs and I tend to behave badly when I’m trying to get something said and I’m being summarily ignored. It’s the thing that makes laugh when I say that I’m probably the last person they’d want to invite to give a keynote speech about bisexual because I’d wind up tearing them a new asshole for their dereliction of duty (and you can imply the pun here, too, if you care to). I simply don’t believe that The Community is going about this the right way when it comes to the way they’re dealing with bisexuals – or when they deal with us at all.
Yes, I understand there’s a lot of psychology involved here but I’ve seen some “advocates” using terminology that, at least to me, only serves to complicate something that’s already complicated all by itself – and I aced my psychology classes in college and I don’t pretend to understand half the shit I’ve been reading; I also figure that if a smart guy like myself can’t make any sense of this psychobabble, then there are a lot of other bisexuals who aren’t going to be able to understand this approach. No, the best way, at least in my opinion again, is some really serious straight talk and if you can toss in some real-life examples, so much the better. Oh, and if this can be accomplished without turning it into a political bone to be fought over, that’ll work, too; we get enough political bullshit dealing with our elected officials as it is.
When I started blogging, oh, wow, even Stevie Wonder could see the potential to reach a lot of bisexuals either by writing about it myself and following the blogs of others – and that has been so rewarding. The answer to the question I posed to myself is really kinda simple: What we can do is to reach out to each other when we can and, at the very least, provide support to let them know that they’re not alone in this and getting it all worked out is hard – but it can be done. If we can communicate with each other, we can lean on each other – bisexuals for bisexuals but not in an “isolationist” kind of way that doesn’t create an “us versus them” environment (like The Community has managed to do).
What we can do as 2016 gets started is to be there for each other, even if only in “spirit.”