If I had one “regret” about being bisexual, it’s that I had to learn everything by trial and error. I’ve mentioned before that when I began my journey, there was little information available, no Internet, no mentor or anyone who cared enough to take me in hand and tell me what to do or what not to do before I’d run out to do it. This didn’t go down (no puns yet) because of a lack of bisexual males – they were around but so deep in the closet there isn’t another word I can think of that could convey just how well-hidden they were until, of course, one of them wanted to feed you some cock… and then all that mattered was performing the requested service – and with the least amount of instruction or direction – and off you go, left to what few devices you had when trying to figure this whole boys-doing-boys thing.
Experience truly is a good teacher; it can also be a brutally unfair one, too, so being able to have the advantage of being forewarned would have helped way back then, I mean, other than being constantly told to not do any shit like that to begin with. Compared to the way I know a lot of guys had their OJT in man sex, I was more than just lucky or fortunate not to have learned via coercion, violence, or even extreme peer pressure. My natural curiosity got me into my share of “trouble” so coercing me, threatening me with violence, or double-dog daring me to do it wasn’t even necessary; all one hadntomsay was, “Hey, you wanna do it?” and I’d be shouting, “Yes!” even as I was trying to shed my clothes as quickly as possible.
I did notice that the guys who preyed on the “weaker” guys didn’t ask me to have sex with them; I guess it’s hard or even impossible to make someone do something that they’d be more than happy to do – I’d wager it takes all the fun away for them when you can’t bully someone into sucking your dick.
I’ve often sat and wondered what a mentor could have told me that would have changed my behaviors, to make me more focused, discriminating, or something other than running around like a wild child and taking on all comers (there’s the pun!); then I wonder if a mentor had tried to slow me down, would I have been able to heed their wise words, slow my roll, and use better judgement? The adult writing this says, “Sure, I would have listened!” but thinking about the kid I was? Nope, can’t see that happening; my mentor would advise against doing it with this guy and my wanting to do it would shove the advice to the curb and get it done and with little regard to the consequences.
I’d most likely find myself with a hard dick in my mouth or ass and realizing that this time, it really did sound like a better idea than the actual experience turned out to be and then my mentor, if I had one would give me quite the scolding for not thinking before acting as well as disregarding their sage advice that, if nothing else, would have spared me any “bad” moments. The biggest question for me in all of this isn’t whether I would have kept on being bisexual but would I have been a better bisexual earlier rather than later?
I don’t know the answer to that even though I’d like to think that I would have been a better bisexual way before I actually got to that point in my life, which is wishful thinking at its finest; the retroactive view is so damned easy to see and perfect for showing you what you should have done (or what you shouldn’t have done) when the event has already happened so, no, playing armchair quarterback about this isn’t as helpful – but if I’ve gleaned anything from the retrospective, it’s what not to do going forward.
Which explains why I go to such great lengths and superfine detail to explain male bisexuality when someone asks me about it because I know what can happen if no one bothers to explain it. You really shouldn’t leave someone to their own devices in this. I was lucky or fortunate that nothing horribly bad ever happened to me but today, nah, you shouldn’t dive into the murky waters in this end of the pool until you can find someone wiling to tell you exactly what lurks beneath the surface and, in this, there is no such animal as too much information.
Mentoring doesn’t totally eliminate trial and error learning because, sometimes, you just guess wrongly about some situations; maybe you didn’t do it and learn that you should have, maybe you do it and find out that you have said no or even maybe later. Mentoring isn’t “do as I say, not as I do” because while one may think that all male bisexuals are the same, we aren’t; the things I wouldn’t do could be just fine with some other guy although we do all face the same risks – male bisexuality is something we all tailor to our unique requirements, tastes, etc..
Mentoring a guy in this is about digging around in his head to find out why he wants to be this way and what his expectations are – then discovering whether or not he can be successfully bisexual… and it’s not a given that he will be successful or even bisexual. I usually ask new guys two questions right off the bat: Why do you want to do this and what do you really want to do? And “I dunno…”is very unacceptable as an answer to either question; for me, failing to answer these two questions will make me say, “Well, maybe you shouldn’t do it until you can answer the questions, okay?”
And, hopefully, he won’t. Do I wish someone had asked me these two questions? Of course I do but since they didn’t, when called upon, I will ask them because they need to be asked and answered…