Today’s Bisexual Thoughts: The Male Bisexual Conundrum

17 Mar

The short version of this is that we are damned if we do and damned if we don’t.  Cityman and I have been exchanging emails about male bisexuality and how men are, naturally, I guess, resistant to the thought of turning to other men for sex if they’ve hit a dead end trying to have sex with women.  Except each and every day, a lot of men are discovering that playing with another man’s cock isn’t really all that bad, not like everyone else is convinced that it is.

Sure, there are risks… but sex is and always has been some risky business but I never fails to amaze me how a guy could go apeshit over the prospect of getting blown by a woman… but wants to toss his cookies entertaining the thought that, hmm, maybe getting blown by a guy could feel just as good, huh?

I can personally assure you that it does; likewise, giving a bro-job, while, um, interesting to initially do, brings a certain level of pleasure as well.  Anyway, Cityman and I have noted, observed, whatever, that many guys take that initial plunge… then wind up asking themselves why they never tried it before the moment they did, that it’s actually not as nasty as its purported to be and, logically, if it’s nasty to exchange blowjobs with a guy, shouldn’t it be equally nasty to get into a heavy oral sex session with a woman?  Technically, it should be seen as very nasty, shouldn’t it… yet, one version is deemed not to be nasty at all – and I think y’all can guess which one that would be.

Cityman and I talk about what motivates a man to add cock to his diet, from the fact that we’re programmed to want lots of sex to latent feelings of bi- and homosexuality, from finding one’s self in one of those “shit happens” situations to finding reason to give in to that sense of curiosity that has had them wondering, “I wonder what it would be like to do it with a guy?”

Today – and more than in the past that I’m too familiar with – guys straddling the line is being seen as a very masculine thing to do and not the bitch thing it’s been seen as for the longest time.  What strikes me as funny is that back in the 1980s, women were in our cases about embracing our feminine side so we could better relate to them emotionally… and a lot of guys took this advice to heart and in the process of getting in touch with their feminine side, they found out something that women have always known:  Having sex with a guy can be rather damned satisfying!

I’m thinking that the ladies really didn’t expect or anticipate some of us taking their suggestion that far… but it is what it is and what it’s always been despite morality’s attempt to keep men from finding out that sexy with a man isn’t all that different from sex with a woman… because it’s still sex.  Even with the rising numbers of bisexual men, morality continues to attempt the eradication of such behavior in men… even when male homosexuality has gradually become an acceptable matter of fact.  However, male bisexuals are caught between the proverbial rock and hard place in that many women are opposed to their man liking cock in some way… and many gay men aren’t too keen about the fact that the guy they might have the hots for also likes playing with pussy.

We get hung up in the double standard that it’s perfectly acceptable for a woman to decide that she needs another woman to fulfill her needs and desires – and the things that men aren’t so good at taking care of; logic suggests that if two women can get together and destroy a bed and no one would think badly of them for, ah, double dipping, then it should be okay for two guys to indulge in similar pleasures… but since our morality insists that “Gil” and “Hank” should never do this nasty, sinful shit, well, it presents a major problem for the bisexual men who are of a mind that, oh, throwing down in a 69 with each other can be pretty damned gratifying.

Cityman and I talked about the sexual revolution of the 1960s that saw everyone having sex with greater frequency and in whatever way worked for them… then HIV/AIDS came along and ground the revolution to a halt and the growing number of teen pregnancies added their on weight to the matter of getting your freak on.  Ah, but with the [assinine] revelation that bisexuals do, in fact, exist, the sexual revolution is getting cranked up again with more men indulging themselves with homosexual sex… and they’re not homosexual.  I mentioned the “thug mentality” to him which hidden in its message of brotherly love is the justification for two guys to screw each other’s brains out or to unquestionably agree to whipping out their cocks for some mutual oral pleasure.

A little while ago, I wrote something about the bro-job, this “new” phenomenon that’s seeing “straight” men going down on each other because, well, that’s what friends should do for each other if they are, in fact, good and close friends, ha, ha. This is still a form of justification that carries the message that if our hypothetical “Gil” can help “Hank” out by giving him a nice blowjob, well, that’s okay and, again, true friends are supposed to go above and beyond to help each other… oh, and if they do lend each other this kind of aid, they’re still very straight.

Yeah, right… sure they are…

A lot of bi guys are repressed and suppressed, our morality making it so that their urges to investigate cock can’t be realized without major repercussions… while failing to take into consideration how this can do great mental and emotional harm to men and their relationship with women (in particular).  I’ve felt that not much attention is giving to this because, historically, we’re not so overtly emotional unless we’re pissed off.  I know such repression can prey on a man’s mind and it start to affect other aspects of his life ranging from severe depression to barely contained rage because he needs to suck a dick or get his ass creamed by another guy… but our collective mindset prohibits this and mandates that if you want to have sex, get a woman.  And that’s fine… until she decides that she doesn’t want to be bothered with giving up the coochie or he keeps running into women who are determined not to have sex because they still believe that getting screwed without the benefit of a relationship devalues them.

The haters say that bisexuals are leading the league where domestic violence, depression, and suicide are concerned, things that could be prevented if we, as a moral society, would just get our collective heads out of our asses and admit that, for the purposes of this writing, men getting busy with men is just the way some of us can behave and that our love of pussy is also just the nature of the beast.  We put so much emphasis on relationships and how bisexuality can destroy everything that a relationship is supposed to mean and stand for… yet, there’s more sex taking place sans a relationship than there is within a lot of relationships.

Bisexuality threatens monogamy big time even though it doesn’t – or shouldn’t – take a genius to figure out that one person just cannot take care of every need the person with them could develop;  if “Marla” needs some pussy with her cock in order to feel whole and complete, her man – let’s call him “Mike” – clearly and obviously isn’t equipped to take care of Marla’s need for this.  Conventional thinking mandates that Marla set aside her desires – or leave Mike even if doing this isn’t in either of their best interests.  Even I maintain that if you want to make infidelity a thing of the past, all that has to be done is to remove all reasons for infidelity to take hold or if Mike find he needs some cock added to his diet, why not let him get some as long as he’s taking care of home and being responsible about it?

This is seen as a bad thing… yet, a lot of couples are seeing the truth of this, that being able to express their bisexuality can lend itself to the strength and longevity of their relationship.  It’s not easy to make happen – everyone’s too deeply mired in the tenets of monogamy to be able to make it work… but wouldn’t such an arrangement lend itself to reducing the number of bisexuals who commit sex-related acts of domestic violence, the number of severely depressed bisexuals, and the number of bisexuals who feel that their death is the only way to end the pain of their deprivation?

Or, as Cityman put it, wouldn’t it all be easier if we just admit that it’s okay to be bisexual and free to indulge one’s self?  The thing is that until we can stop being prudes about sexuality, the conundrum for bisexual males will continue to exist and making our damned if we do/damned if we don’t existence that much more miserable and unfulfilling.

Thus endeth the rant.


Posted by on 17 March 2016 in Today's Bisexual Thoughts


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13 responses to “Today’s Bisexual Thoughts: The Male Bisexual Conundrum

  1. acquiescent72

    17 March 2016 at 14:17

    Of course you are well aware it has taken a distinct struggle for me to get a place of acceptance in myself. I’m certainly getting there, and I am thankful that I no longer feel guilty for giving some great blow jobs (if I do say so myself)! For me, and I know it may not be true for all bisexuals, I have never been able to play the more dominant role with another man…I prefer to be on the receiving end of some great cock…ya know? But then again, I recognize that sex is fluid and maybe there is some chance that might go that way for me. For now, however, I am enjoying this self-exploration that I am going through!

    Liked by 2 people

    • kdaddy23

      17 March 2016 at 16:11

      How we are bisexual differs; some guys are dominant, some submissive, and some don’t care either way as long as there’s sex happening… and that’s part of the beauty of man-on-man sex. I know a few guys who, with women, are dominant but when they get with a guy, their dominance takes a back seat because being submissive is what’s needed – providing a man with pleasure is, in itself, a pleasure.

      And there’s nothing wrong with being bi in this way whe it fits who you are as a person and the fact that we can be one way with women and another, different way with men, again, is what makes being bisexual such a rush.

      There is zero shame if you love to suck cock and no matter how others might feel about that although the social gestalt would insist that no man should ever take pleasure in blowing another man; women frown upon such things… but they suck cock, too, don’t they? It has to be accepted that the only thing that really matters in this is simply, are dicks being sucked by someone?

      And if this is of any import – and it is – then why should it matter who’s doing the sucking?

      Liked by 1 person

  2. Dr Ruth 2point0 (Anna)

    17 March 2016 at 16:14

    I used to say I didn’t believe men could be bisexual. Before I get flamed, hear me out. I think our society and sexualities have evolved now that it can be now. However, this culture we live in tells men that if they’re attracted to men, they’re gay. Period. I think that’s a huge part of the issue


    • kdaddy23

      17 March 2016 at 16:19

      Indeed it is – and welcome! One of the biggest issues bi men have that contributes to the conundrum is the fear of being pigeonholed as being gay and people can be so… stupid that even if it was proved that the guy in question wasn’t gay, they will continue to believe that he’s gay.

      It used to bother me… until I figured out that even if no one else knows or believes, I know I’m not gay (and I wouldn’t ever want to be gay – too sexually limiting just as being straight is); thus, trying to pin the gay label on me will get you laughed at and your intelligence severely questioned. But all men don’t handle this as well as I’ve learned to do and this, too, is part of the conundrum that plagues us.

      Liked by 1 person

      • Dr Ruth 2point0 (Anna)

        17 March 2016 at 16:26

        Here here!


    • kdaddy23

      17 March 2016 at 16:32

      I’m not not gonna flame you but what made you think that men couldn’t be bisexual? Say more about this, please?

      Liked by 1 person

      • Dr Ruth 2point0 (Anna)

        17 March 2016 at 16:39

        Because men in society are so ingrained with machismo. Not so much in a lot of people today. For example though, in Hispanic culture, its EXTREMELY machismoistic. Admitting you liked both men and women would be frowned upon immediately. Does that explain a bit more? Because of ingrained nature, not because I believe it was a lie that someone was bisexual.


      • kdaddy23

        17 March 2016 at 17:33

        Thank you for this comment: It always provides good information when women comment on this subject. Machismo… which has a more deeper meaning these days and is the basis for the justification that allows “macho” men to sexually engage with each other or, if a guy isn’t willing to throw down, his manhood could be called into question, which isn’t the way it was back in the day: If you were a guy who liked sex with other guys, you were simply very much less a man and all the denigrating terms applied.

        Machismo doesn’t tolerate having one’s manliness called into question; it’s almost like a dare: If you call yourself man, prove it by having sex with me… and while a lot of men won’t take the dare, a lot of men must defend their manliness even if it means giving head or getting screwed.

        And machismo also lends itself to the conundrum…

        Liked by 1 person

      • Dr Ruth 2point0 (Anna)

        17 March 2016 at 17:39

        It’s true. I believe society is evolving, but as most things that evolve, it happens over time. Slowly, but surely. The more people will speak out, the more life will evolve. Keep on keeping on!

        Liked by 1 person

  3. Dr Ruth 2point0 (Anna)

    17 March 2016 at 16:15

    Oh and I’m bisexual as well

    Liked by 1 person

  4. Cityman

    11 April 2017 at 04:25

    The mere concept of bisexuality threatens lots of “safe harbors” that we’ve created in our heads throughout civilization. Our minds operate on distinctions, categories, labels, and patterns because it’s how we ultimately learn — by comparing and contrasting, dichotomizing, and keeping things in separate piles and boxes. It’s why racism, sexism, and homophobia exist; we seem to need a perceived moral high ground to aspire to in order to turn down our existential angst.

    Sexuality is a construct and provides an identity for most of our society. Effeminate men who are clearly gay from an early age seek support and identity in the LGBT community, which itself has become a bit of a cliche and stuck in a past identity that needs updating and progress. It’s a safe space and a sanctuary for those who used to be deemed fringe actors in our society who disavowed dogma, but its become too confined and unimaginative in its bandwidth and definition. Sure, there are dozens of subpopulations of the “LG” alone, from twinks to bears to jocks to lipsticks and butch dykes — but we seem to need a club to belong to, don’t we?

    Bi and pansexuality break down these silos and force people to consider that the neatly defined boxes fashioned over the millennia aren’t in fact real, but mere constructs like matter vs. antimatter or republican vs. democrat that only serve to divide us and make gay vs. straight seem poles apart, when this just isn’t true. We’re comfortable with the binary, and reinforce it at every turn because it’s seductive to belong to a team and to feel secure in one’s righteous identity. Bisexuality flips the finger at all of this and asks the average Joe to consider that there’s really a middle ground; more of a gray area that confuses and scares people. And yet, it exists in great numbers but remains obscured by our monogamous and monosexual society, as bisexuals round down or round up to the nearest Kinsey pole to fit in and privately sit with their unfulfilled fantasies.

    Bisexual women are celebrated and encouraged; bisexual men are untrustworthy gay liars. This double standard exists because of the continuing chauvinism that pervades our world; bi women are objectified to satisfy hetero male fantasies. We have a long way to go in this area, but while pace of change is slow, the signs are promising

    Liked by 1 person

  5. kdaddy23

    11 April 2017 at 13:56

    Of course bisexuality is a threat: It takes what we think we know or want to believe about sex and chucks it out the closest window. The idealism that sex should be between male and female only is just simply that – an ideal situation toward a specific goal; the reality that has always been with us says otherwise, doesn’t it?

    We have this… need to be able to identify our environment and we’ve proven that we can nitpick things to the nth degree, which often results in the creation of schisms and piquing our “us versus them” reaction AND creating factions that, on the one hand, play into our need to be social but also serves as lines of division between us.

    You’d think that if we are aware of our history and how such behavior has hurt us more than it’s helped us, we’d learn to behave better and learn how to appreciate our diversity but this, too, while being noble and even sensible, is idealistic claptrap and our divisive nature extends right down to things sexual.

    Clearly, we haven’t learned a damned thing; clearly, we have failed to understand that despite what moral dogma says is the right way to do things, we have NEVER bought into this as a species because if we had, we wouldn’t be having this discussion at all. You’ve “heard” me say this before, that we let our adherence to dogma completely blind us to certain undeniable realities but since we wanna act as if this reality doesn’t exist, some really annoying double standards wound up being created, misconceptions conjured up, stereotypes that have an annoying mixture of truth and utter bullshit and even entertaining the thought that bisexuals don’t really exist and that the “truth” is people are either straight or gay…

    And the evidence just does not support this. Still, you’re right: Change is happening and it’s progress is slow. People are discovering that what they think and what they believe isn’t exactly correct and that adherence to dogma isn’t serving their purpose where things like sex and relationships are concerned.



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