While I was making coffee for myself and tea for Linda this morning, for some reason, that stupid quote uttered by Woody Allen popped into my head, you know, the one about bisexuals always having a date on Saturday night. I snorted derisively without thinking about it; I’ve never agreed with that sentiment and more so when I’d seen and heard a lot of people use it to illustrate how flighty bisexuals are supposed to be, given how we can’t seem to pick one side or the other and stay on that chosen side.
I confess that I’ve never known, with a high degree of certainty, how bisexual women behave when they’re just sitting and thinking about a course of action – but I’ve been blessed and honored to have been with them when they’ve decided to act and, wow. Just wow.
But I do know a little something about bisexual men and the one trait we share with all men and regardless to our sexuality is that we are opportunists, evolutionarily programmed to take advantage of a situation when we happen upon it and is in part responsible for us having that rep that we’re all dogs and just indiscriminately fuck just because we can and with no real purpose in mind, like wanting a long lasting relationship, a family, stuff like that there. It’s not that we don’t want these things but, um, there’s no nice way to put this but we were designed to fuck, the imperative hard-coded into us over generations of male evolution and, if you like, ever since God told Adam and Eve, “Go ye forth and multiply…”
If you’re a straight man, your designated targets of opportunity are women and, yes, despite having preferences, any woman who’ll say yes and open her legs and, yes, we will use any means fair or foul in order to accomplish this… which doesn’t exactly shine a good light on us with the ladies, I’m afraid. If you’re a gay man, other men are your targets, also with preferences (like everyone else) and by any means necessary often comes into play here, too, and more so when a desired target has to be totally fooled or otherwise tricked into giving up the dick if the target isn’t of a mind to go there; it kinda gives gay men a rather predatory feel that makes some men very nervous to be around a gay man; those “Don’t drop the soap” jokes take on a suddenly un-funny meaning.
Bisexual men have their sights set on both targets of opportunity and, again, often depending on specific preferences but also with “by any means necessary” in play as well, which I’d even say makes us a scarier predator since, in theory, no one is “safe” around us… but it also puts us in a position to also be prey times two because while men are known predators in the game we call life, so are women… and some of them can put a man to shame when it comes to going after what they want.
On the one hand, this isn’t a bad thing because in our pursuit of sex, this is exactly what we’re supposed to do; sexual partners don’t always fall onto our respective crotches out of the blue all that often so to get what we want, release the hounds… and let the the hunt and games begin! Socially and morally, bleh, this is kinda uncool to have to resort to trickery and deceit or otherwise play games to satisfy our need for sex and that really applies to men who have sexual desires for both men and women; the game is complicated enough from either side of the sexuality spectrum and bisexuals just rock the boat even more and when social and moral norms insist we don’t make waves and that we pick a side and stay there.
Those norms don’t take into account human nature, except to prevent and/or eliminate certain behaviors that don’t lend themselves to the fulfillment of our “prime directive” to go ye forth and multiply. And while we know and understand that sex has a purpose other than procreation – it’s just a damned fun thing to do – our adherence to dogma doesn’t allow us to see, accept, or understand that its attempt to squash other aspects of our sexual behavior has consistently failed to stop men and from wanting men and women when it’s time for some cookies to get crumbled any more than it has stopped men from only wanting other men and women from wanting other women.
That we are still targets of opportunity to and for each other doesn’t change and despite the fact that we’re supposed to do this nicely and honorably if and when possible, at the end of the day, doesn’t mean a whole lot since the dogma we hold dearly to doesn’t exactly make it easy for us to hook up and screw each other silly and simply because this is what we were all designed to do. Dogma doesn’t account for or allow anyone to have any desires that aren’t completely directed to the opposite sex and promises dire consequences for anyone who’d dare to step out of the box… again, like that actually works.
The one thing I do agree with is that we should be more willing to screw each other silly and no matter how one likes to do that but since we’ve been conditioned to not do things so easily, sadly, we often have to resort to, um, not-so-nice ways of getting it done. Not saying it’s right – just saying that’s the way things go; dogma makes doing things the hard way a necessary evil. For bisexuals, caring for our dual needs/desires calls for us to bend and/or break a lot of the rules that govern social and moral norms – and, like it or not, it is what it is. All attempts to change these behaviors, again, have consistently failed, from declaring them sinful and taboo, to criminalizing them, and even citing them as mental illness; none of these things (and other shit) has stopped humans from behaving the way we were meant to behave in seeing each other as sexual targets of opportunity and then using targeting solutions that may include trickery and deceit.
Yes, we should protect the young and immature… but that means everyone else is fair game and the seediness that’s associated with homosexuality and bisexuality could be cleaned up if the dogma we live by was updated to account for how we are today… and not how we were when the survival of our species was a very major concern. It’s making me wear out this new thing I’ve learned, that our adherence to dogma doesn’t allow us to accept a new understanding, not that homosexuality/bisexuality is all that new – but you get the gist of it, I hope.